It's Not A Sprint, It's A Marathon

Since my last update about finding out that Kasey has a disease called Ulcerative Colitis, he and I have had to pray and discuss a lot about what our life looks like now, and what kind of treatment options we feel are best suited for him. We would both like to thank those of who have been praying along side us. This journey has been hard so far, and we are so thankful for your support, love, and encouragement. To put it nicely, it has been a whirlwind of emotions, questions, confusion, and concerns. Even with our wedding just a few short months away, Kasey's health has been our priority in life. Our thoughts and our energy have gone into making sure Kasey is the healthiest he can be. We have almost had to put a pause button, momentarily, on everything else, just so we can truly feel confident about our big life decisions about his health. Everything that the doctors are offering us are all life altering options. As my sister-in-law put it, "Kasey and I are having to grow up faster then others, by making decisions that others never have to think about." Needless-to-say, it's a lot.

After getting out of the hospital, Kasey and I have shared excitement with each other for what God has done in his life. Everything seems like a victory. When he eats and doesn't automatically go to the bathroom, we rejoice. (You never realize what you will be thankful for until it is taken away from you). Although we have been able to see some great strides in the right direction, we have recently been experiencing more setbacks. I took Kasey to get a sigmoidoscopy, last week, in oder for the doctors to do follow up tests on how his colon is doing. Which meant, again, my sweet love was put under and the doctors checked him out. Surprisingly his colon looked beautiful! (Things I never thought I would say).

Unfortunately, after the procedure, Kasey's bleeding started getting worse, and it was very reminiscent of his condition before going into the hospital. So, back to the GI we went. This time, the doctors physician (who was with us some of the time in the hospital), told us that since the steroids weren't working, we would need to look into a more "promising" alternative. She suggested removing his colon or going on immune-altering medication. Not the type of promising suggestions we were looking for. So we left the doctors office and told them we would have to do some serious research and some serious discussing. But we only have so much time with Kasey losing blood. We can't just take a month to pray over everything and visit other doctors offices and ask hundreds of questions, we need to make decisions and we need to make them now. Such a stressful position we are put in. And not to mention that stress makes ulcerative colitis worse - it is like a mean game the disease plays on us.

When I have said that this affects our whole life now, I am not using that term for dramatic affect, it literally alters the way we do things now. What we eat, where we go, how we resolve conflict in our lives, how much we commit to people and responsibilities, and how we view and respond to our relationship with God. Our date night consists of me checking Kasey's pulse in the movie theater, and sitting at our dinner table reading articles about how God uses suffering. Life is just different, not bad, just different.

Kasey and I believe that God could still heal Kasey any moment. But He hasn't, which means we are sifting through tons of information in order to make the best decisions with what we have been given. While this time before our wedding is usually spent planning, preparing, and figuring out ways to celebrate, we have found a new appreciation for each others love and are learning to celebrate in the things that mean the most to us. The way we do things now, is very different. We have to consciously do things on our time, when it isn't the most convenient for us, in order for us to make sure we are slowing down in life and taking care of Kasey's health.

We have grown a new appreciation for the suffering Jesus went through when dying for us. We spend time reading scriptures that remind us that we are not alone in the minimal suffering we are experiencing. We pray a lot. And then we pray more. We do whatever we can that works for us in any given moment when things are hard and confusing. We are learning to trust God, more, with our whole life and believing that He will honor the steps we take. Since there is no big flashing sign that says, "DO THIS," we are having to step out in faith even when we don't see an end or solution to his health issues.

All we ask for, continually, is prayer. Prayer for our decision making. Prayer for wisdom. Prayer for health. Prayer for miracles. And prayer for unity, strength, and a joyful spirit, as we walk through this journey. We are becoming more and more aware, that this isn't a sprint to the finish, it is a marathon that needs endurance. So pray for us if we come to mind - that would be a huge blessing for the both of us.

I give everything to You Lord

"Get Out There and LIVE"

“Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present." 

 ― Richard Carlson

As most of you know, my sweet niece, Jemma Sophia, was born with a severe and complex heart defect. Finding this out has created a keen awareness of how precious and dear life is. Jemma has unknowingly taught me how to love people "better." And what I really mean by 'better' is unconditionally. To love when it isn't convenient and when it stretches me past my comfort zone. Finding out about the condition of my darling niece has changed the way I live. My perspective, the things I value, what I deem as important, how I handle my friendships, my family and my own personal life. 

I drove by the Phoenix Children's Hospital, a few days ago, knowing that my inspirational sister-in-law was caring for Jemma while she was recovery from her recent Cath procedures. I texted Stephaine to see if she needed anything while I was in the area. (It is hard to sit back and know that there isn't anything I can do, physically, to help my family in their greatest time of need.) Steph responded and let me know that they were covered and didn't need anything. So I kept on driving, only to receive this heartfelt text from Steph...

This was one of those moments where time stood still for me. It was a powerful reminder to live intentionally, boldly and to love and LIVE. Really. Truly. LIVE. As the old saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Stephanie's words graciously reminded me to stop and see the beauty in life and to always remember how blessed I am.    

It is all wonderful and dandy to be reminded of these inspiring life lessons... until I actually have to put them into practice. 

"Where the rubber meets the road!"  

I was recently confronted with an "opportunity." A chance to move past my self and my own uncomfortable feelings, to stop and assess what is really important, and to choose to love instead of holding negativity in my heart. The epitome of loving someone unconditionally.

Here is the brief, and intentionally vague, background story. I recently shared, with my boyfriend Kasey, some discomfort that I was feeling about some past situations. I was honest, really honest! I expressed how I didn't want to love or get to know these two specific people that I was having trouble with. These two people are very close to Kasey. I told him that I didn't want anything to do with them and I had no desire hearing about them. I know, I know... I am NOT making myself sound very sweet. But despite my resistance, Kasey loving heard my heart and made me feel understood. He shared how he would do whatever it takes to make my comfort his main priority. 

How did I get so lucky blessed!?    

A day later, at church, the very two people that my heart was struggling with, came into the youth building to say hello to Kasey. And it was there that I was met with the two decisions. To either hide and avoid contact with them or to remember how precious and short life is. A chance to choose love. I knew the very moment the Holy Spirit promoted me to say hello. I was in the middle of folding prayer request cards and God said, "GO!" So I dropped the things in my hand, I stood up tall and marched my way to the couple. I shook hands, hugged and honestly expressed my gratitude in meeting them.

A seemingly small feat for others, but a monumental moment for me. To willingly, with no hesitation or begrudging heart, choose to LIVE life. To not love when it is convenient for me. But to let go of the small things that can so easily entangle my heart, and instead say, "NO," to the voices of bitterness, resentment and sourness.

"If you're not going to talk about something during the last hour of your life, then don't make it a top priority during your lifetime." 

All the difficult feelings that I have been processing with Kasey haven't just gone away. They didn't just up and leave. I am still working on them. Not for Kasey, not for the couple, but because I want to love God and His children with a passionate unconditional love.

So I am continually learning the meaning of Forgiveness. Love. Acceptance. Trust. & Redemption. To be reminded of this is to be reminded of what life should really be about. The ability to, 

"Get Out There and LIVE!"

I give everything over to You Lord