I'm Blessed

You know the questions that flood your mind when trying to decide if you are heading in the right direction? Making the right decisions? Following God's will for your life? I am at a place where questions seem to be a common thing throughout my day. I have such a strong desire to walk out God's plan for my life, I want to serve and love God to the best of my ability. Although, I feel like when you learn things about life or walk through trials, you tip-toe into the next situations of your life because of what you have learned. Wanting to be more cautious but still have fun has been a hard middle ground for me to find. This weird phase has been taking place only recently, within the past week.

If I am completely transparent I am really scared. Scared of getting hurt again, scared of opening up and being rejected and scared of being vulnerable and God changing the course of my life. I have never been 100% certain of where God wants me to be in the future. Not even directionally where He wants me to somewhat be doing. I have no clue, and this is the first time that not knowing what God has in store for me isn't scary. All I know is that I am willing to leave and willing to do what it takes to serve God unconditionally and without barriers. I am more scared relationally. Afraid to put myself out on a limb to not be accepted or appreciated in return. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect things out of my friendships, I don't go into relationships trying to figure out what's in it for me.

I want to be honest about this situation I am walking out right now because I want the things that God is willing to teach me, to help others. I know that "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." According to 1 John 4:18. I know that you are always going to be hurt, no matter what kind of relationship you enter into. & even though I know these things mentally, my Spirit has wounds that are still healing. Come to find out! So I am taking this process slow, trying to understand everything God is wanting me to learn and praying! Lot's of PRAYER!

I am anxious in a lot of area's of my life. Wanting to move on to the new stage God has for me. I am slowly finishing up with school and it is becoming more real to me that I have literally almost finished my college education. It is an exhilarating feeling. I want to be patient while God is preparing the man I will marry, but it is hard sometimes to have a desire for something great, but never see any signs that says I will have it one day. Maybe I am not ready? Maybe I think I can handle more, but God knows better? Maybe I need to stop asking questions and trust that God does know better and has never failed me. These questions got my head spinning.

Through all the stuff I am learning and trying to understand, I know that reading my Bible, praying without hinderances and talking to wise Godly people will help everything to work out for the good. God will honor obedience, faith, trust and a heart that is following after Him. I know He will work things out, even if I still have 100 questions! He is just that faithful and He is really that amazing.

I give everything over to You Lord

Graduation For Big Brother

This is a tribute to the hard work my brother has put into working his way through college!!
He has struggled a lot growing up, trying to work his way through his earlier years with my mom and now working all the way through to graduate with his bachelors! I'm so happy for you Ror! It was nice to see you made with a smiling face, i love you!

-Little sister to big brother!

Am I ready Lord?

Graduation...

Am I ready to take the next step, to go into a battle field called "College?"
Am I ready to put two feet forward and jump into the things the devil will throw at me?
Am I ready to do what i have been taught to do? Share God with people around me.
Am I ready to learn that i am here for the sole purpose of benefiting the kingdom of God?
Am I ready to teach while I'm being taught at school?
Am I ready to grow up, mature, and become a college student fighting daily to be faithful to God?
Am I ready to trust fully that God has a wonderful purpose for putting me here.
Am I ready to hurt because i will recognize sin in the world?
Am I ready to fight
Am I ready to not settle
Am I ready to make a difference
Am I ready to show my parents i can do it
Am I ready to say, No when people say that i should
Am I ready to die to myself and have complete reliance on God?
Am I ready to do this?
Graduation is one thing. Putting on an over sized gown and i square hat with a long stringy thing to the side is another. Walking up getting a slip of paper that says, "You've worked 4 years for a tree to be cut down and flattened into a paper which has your name written in fancy writing, saying, "Congratulations Graduate." Am i proud of what I've left behind in my years of homeschooling, or was i just trying to "Get by?"
Will i know what i have truly learned in high school when I'm done with collage? If so, when will i truly know what I've learned in collage when I'm married and have 3 kids? I am beyond excited to graduate, but at times i don't feel ready, and at times, I am scared, and then i say to myself, "Take a deep Breath, and be thankful you aren't the one who is in control of your future."