To Live & Give Like No One Else

Do you ever feel like you're fighting a silent battle? 

No one sees your struggle, your determination, your weak and weary heart - but you keep fighting! 

Well, my husband, Kasey, and I took the leap into marriage almost a year ago now. One area that we've been told could and WILL cause tension in our marriage is finances. Which makes sense, finances are a huge part of survival in this world. Money provides you the opportunity to buy something special for those you love. Go out to eat cause you're just exhausted from work. It gives you the ability to travel and see the world. To keep a roof over your head. And to bless others! Money is super important!

Prior to even getting married, Kasey and I discussed our financial situations. The debt we have, our finance goals and what makes us worry or feel secure about finances. I shared that I have never had a credit card, nor do I ever want one. My parents have blessed me by paying for my school, which means we are making NO payments for school. Basically, I worked really hard to fill up my savings and not buy things on credit. (All thanks to my parents teachings and financial help). So I had about $6000.00 saved by the time we were getting married. Kasey and I had a combined total of around $3000.00 left to pay in mine and his wedding rings. (I made him a custom ring, and it was a pretty penny, and worth every bit of it!) Kasey ended up in the hospital, for a week, about 4 months before we got married. We basically consumed $26,143.30 in medical bills by the time we got married. (Talk about daunting) Kasey shared, before we got married, about his one credit card that was around $7000.00. And his school debt totaling around $62,000.00 (give it up for those private Christian schools, YO!). Needless to say, it was a lot of money. Well, it STILL IS a lot of money. Those are BIG numbers.

I'm very passionate about personal finances! Seriously, you can ask my husband! So naturally, knowing the kind of financial state we started with, I brought up the idea before we got married, to take a little bit of time every Saturday to discuss finances. Since people warned us about potential financial strains, we took a proactive approach to be on the same page, EVERY WEEK, when it came to our finances. Airing out our dirty laundry was messy at first, but it has given us the opportunity to adjust and budget accordingly. It hasn't been easy, but from day one of our marriage, we've made an agreement to start paying off debt, to live within our means, and to become financially free! We use the envelop system, which means we have actual physical envelops of every expense we have. And every two weeks we take out all but $200.00 from our checking account and use cash to budget our life out. And we use the $200.00 we leave in our account for gas and emergencies if we're out and don't have the envelop we need.

This is what we've accomplished after being married just under a year:

- Within the first three months of marriage, we made big payments and paid off our rings. So we brought $3000.00 down to ZERO! A very happy day in our home! That felt like a small but encouraging feat to keep us going and paying off all the rest of our debt. 

- On January 27th, 2015, Kasey called me, on my way home from work, and told me he had big news. I got home, he told me to sit down, and explained that insurance covered, $8157.81 of our medical debt. Which means we still had $16,223.30 - BUT, he said that the amount was totally dismissed (I still have no idea how), and we only had to pay $1,762.00. Which we have already paid off! Not to mention another couple thousand we have paid off from different colonoscopies, doctors' visits, prescriptions, etc. Our medical debt is done and GONE!  

- We've been slowly working at our $7000.00 credit card debt. It's not gone, but it's so close! We did a balance transfer from our one credit card to another, in order to receive no interest rates on $2000.00 of that amount. I am happy to say, that Kasey and I are one more paycheck away from paying off that $2000.00 bucks. And, we are on track to pay off the rest of the credit card debt by May or June of 2016! Yes!!! We can't wait to have no more credit card debt. And in about 6 months, WE WON'T! 

- As for that big school loan number, well, I wish I could say it's gone, BUT, it's not yet! We've been making payments on it and slowly bringing that number down. People act like I should just keep our school debt around like it's a pet. But that's not our goal, nor our desire. So we will keep paying minimum payments on the school debt until next May or June (once our credit cards are paid off), and then we will dump anything and everything we can into paying that little sucker off!

But we have good news! God keeps blessing us. Kasey just recently got a new job, and a pay raise to go with it! This means, we can achieve our goals faster. I just recently set up my 401(K), and now Kasey will have the room to do the same. This will help us prepare for a better future down the road. 

I hope my writing and excitement about finances isn't fooling you - it has been really rough at times in the West household. Kasey and I both sacrifice a lot in order to make $600.00 payments a month in just our credit cards (alone). We hardly ever eat out. We make breakfast, pack snacks and lunch every day, and we also make dinner every night. We live off $100.00 for groceries each week, and we make it WORK! We don't take lavish vacations, go out and see movies on the weekends, or buy things on a whim. And at times, it feels like we're drowning in debt. There has been Friday and Saturday nights where I curl up on the couch with Kasey and cry, just sharing how hard it is to be diligent and careful with our money. It's hard to see others going to concerts, traveling, buying houses and getting new cars while we look at each other and understand that's not where we're at in life. Not yet at least! 

I listen to Dave Ramsey, A LOT! His ministry and story keeps me motivated, encouraged and hopeful for our future. I have been laughed at, made fun of, and talked down to because of the way Kasey and I are handling our money. It doesn't make sense to everyone. I've been asked why we would strive so hard, especially in the first year of marriage, when there are so many other stresses. My answer is, we want more years of our life not "just making it" financially, but instead thriving, helping our kids pay for their college, and blessing others with random gifts just for the fun of it! 

"When you keep doing smart stuff for 5 days you have a good result, but when you do smart stuff for 5 years you really start to see a thing take on a life of its own." "You have to live like no one else, in order to live and give like no one else!" 

- Dave Ramsey 

So, we march on! Making small dents in our financial debt, while we learn to enjoy the process. God has been so good to us, and we've learned so much about Him and each other. We have learned what makes us feel secure and what things are important to us. We've seen God provide in big and unusual ways and I know he will continue to. We will continue to fight our quiet battle, and make choices that will lend us a greater future! 

I give everything to You Lord 

We're done with 2014?

You know those days, months, and years that you can't wait to be over? The times that seem like nothing is going right, everything has been crazy, and you just want a dose of relief? As I look back on twenty-fourteen, I am truly in awe of how much life has happened in JUST one year. My sister and I recently chatted about some major events that have taken place over this year, the good stuff, the hard stuff, and the amazing miracles that have taken place.

Then we agreed that if 2015 is less hectic, we wouldn't be mad! 

I want to share some amazing things that have happened over this past year.
Not to show a highlight reel, but to hopefully show you how good God has been to my family & I. 

My lovely sister, after years of dreaming of being a momma, became a stunning and super amazing mother to the cutest nephew an aunt could ask for! Although she was sick pretty much her entire pregnancy, Luke and her managed to produce quite a charming young man! It's been an awesome experience to watch my sister navigate motherhood. Her transparency, and openness about the good days and the hard days, shows me how much she desires to love her little man! So blessed to have an ever growing family.

Kasey and I got engaged! In June! In Portland! It was wonderful! We were so excited to get engaged and to be surrounded by loving friends and family. 5 months later, we got married. I might be a bit bias, but it was the most amazing wedding, EVER! I married a man that God plopped into my life as one of my best friends, never realizing that he would one day be my husband! I couldn't have picked a better human being to walk through life with. To fight for God's best for our lives, and to navigate through the madness of life. He's irreplaceable & incomparable! I'm officially MRS. WEST!

After Kasey and I got engaged, he started experiencing some pretty serious health issues. So the time that is usually spent celebrating our engagement, was actually spent figuring out how to operate with each other. It was a very good, and hard test of our relationship. After spending a week in the hospital, Kasey being out of work for two months, getting blood transfusions and having tons of tests done, he is healthier now. The scare of almost losing your soon-to-be husband, is enough to stress a girl out. But in those dark times, we saw God moving, working, healing, renewing, and drawing us closer to Him. Kasey and I figured out, before our wedding, that we truly meant, "in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor."

Last year in October, my sweet little niece was born! The next day, we found out that she was born with heart complications and she had to receive open heart surgeries. It was a scary time. Wondering, hoping, and praying that this little warrior would make it. But she's proven to us all, that she's a fighting, a very determined fighter! This year, in October, we got to celebrate this beauties first birthday. A miracle celebration that was lathered with the reminder of God's grace, His goodness, and His healing power. She's a walking testament to her parents love and prayers, and God's sweet reminder to live fully, love passionately, and waste no time on tomorrows but to live in each moment, today!  

Now, this picture may not look like much, but to me, it screams that God is faithful. It's a moment that I truly cherish. I have gotten to share my heart a few times at the women's event at my church, and each time I'm asked to hold a mic, I'm humbled. I had to make some really hard decisions in life to hold onto what I felt like God was calling me to. This is just a little glimpse of how God has shown me that He will bless me in my faithfulness, even if no one notices my efforts or acknowledges my desires to remain steadfast. He shows me daily, that He is watching over my life.

On top of all that, I've enjoyed countless cups of coffee with people who trust me enough to share their lives, their hurts, and their struggles with me. I've celebrated birthdays. Moved into a new place. Attended weddings. Wrote new spoken words and sketched new drawings. Seen God move and change lives in the youth students I do ministry with. Learned more about myself. My God. & My husband.

And although so much was packed into one year, I don't want to rush into 2015 to escape the madness of 2014. I actually feel quite lucky to look back over this past year and remember and embrace every life event. I'm thankful for each moment that exposed, even more, how thoughtful, loving, detail oriented, and personal my God is.

As I finish out 2014, I have so many things that I am looking forward to. All the new visions, dreams, ideas, plans, goals, and adventures that have yet to come to life. I am so expectant for the new things that will unfold in twenty-fifteen. I am anxious, in the best way possible, to see the amazing ways God will show Himself to me and to my family.

I'm ready to kick some major butt in 2015. Let's do this!

Cheers to 2015!  

 I give everything to You Lord

We Will Not Back Down

I haven't given an in depth update of how life looks and how my sweet fiance's health has been. Cause to be honest, it's exhausting. We have shared progress with family and our church, when we are asked in person. But other than that, we are just walking out of our journey, and that takes most of our energy most days. Just the other day, I was sitting at Starbucks alone getting filled up in the Word, and a girl walked over and tapped me on the shoulder and softly says, "Are you Kasey's fiance." I proudly said, "Yes!" She explained that she went to school with Kasey and had seen my blog posts and wanted to see how we've been. A very sweet gesture.

I was already thinking about writing another blog post to update everyone on how life has been, and how Kasey is actually doing, but after we had talked, it reminded me of something really important. The disease Kasey has been diagnosed with is real, and challenging, but Kasey and I want to be known for glorifying our God and not his diagnoses. So I write, although feeling exhausted, because I need to share how good, how faithful, how powerful, and how personal our God is.

This is what things look like now! Kasey and I, a few weeks ago, didn't go to his scheduled doctors appointment as a step of faith. We felt like there was something more God had for us, besides taking out his colon out or going on immune-altering shots that he would need for the rest of his life. That same day, we sifted through all the information doctors told us, everything we read, and through all the suggestions from family and friends, and came to the same conclusion. Surprisingly, we settled on something that was seemingly unrelated, and the very thing that doctors said had nothing to do with Kasey's condition. Food! We agreed on food! We decided, there has to be a connection between what he's putting into his body and what comes out of his body. Right? Pretty logical! I will remember the night we decided to change our lifestyle. It was that peace, that didn't make sense, that was illogical, and up until that point, we had felt crazy that every doctor told us that diet was completely irrelevant and unrelated. But that's what we agreed on. And even if we WERE crazy, we made the decision together, and we both were in full agreement. Even that felt like a small victory, and we take what we can get these days!

We decided to cut out gluten/wheat, dairy, grains, and seeds. Ha! It makes me laugh even writing it. Out of everything, that was our conclusion. Kasey and I have always eaten more healthy and both are knowledgeable enough to make an educated decision about our dietary journey. We have completely changed what we put into our bodies, everyday meal, everyday! We have been strict and very particular. I have also joined Kasey in this new change. Because part of my commitment to him is walking with him, fully, through the things he does. With our wedding just a few months away, I figured, it's better to mesh our eating styles now in order to create an easier transition into married life. So we eat a lot of really good food. A lot of colorful food! Our meals consist of meat, veggies, fruits, eggs, and anything that isn't processed.

And can I please be the first to announce that Kasey did not have to go back to the hospital. He isn't getting his colon removed. And his bleeding has subsided. Most days consist of texts from my fiance which read, "No blood!" That is our miracle. That is our God showing up in our lives. That is our reminder that God hears our cries, knows our life, and provides real and practical help to us. Has our diet helped? We believe it has made a huge impact, but that dose not discount or negate the work God is doing behind the sense to completely heal and restore Kasey's body.

This is what I have decided. Kasey and I are called to serve God and love people, and that is exactly what we plan on doing. I had a conversation with God. It probably sounded more like me preaching to God, but I told Him this,

" Kasey and I will serve you. If Kasey does not receive full healing and this is our life long battle, then we will still serve you. I believe that You will grace us with the resources and wisdom we need to navigate through life with whatever comes our way. You wouldn't call us and put a plan and a destiny over our lives, so we can sit at home and squander it. You gave us a plan and a purpose because through us You will do a good work. So if You want to use us, please, have Your way. But weather You like it or not God, we will not leave our post. We will stand our ground. And we will serve You in the best ways we know how."

I don't know if God appreciates my spice. But He has loved me in a way, which no other has matched, that my life will forever be spent sharing that same love with others. So Kasey and I march on! Warriors for a cause bigger than our circumstance, and we trust that God has our best interest in mind! Please, continue the prayers, that has been huge for Kase and I during this process.

Our God is so good. Like, really, really good!


I give everything over to You Lord

A Letter to Jemma Sophia

Dear my darling niece,
 Jemma Sophia

 

It has been quite the emotional week for the family since you've been born. Especially for your parents. You definitely know how to make an entrance! If you haven't been able to feel the love yet, when you grow up, you'll be able to look back and see how many people have been praying for you and how many people have sent their encouragement to all of us. You are my wonderful little niece and I love you more than words could express. This week alone, I have felt and experienced everything from pure joy and excitement to fear and nervousness. It has sincerely broken my heart to watch you go through so much. The image of you laying in the tiny bed, your second day of life, with wires attached to you everywhere, will forever be burned in my mind. That way, when God heals your strong but petite body, we can look back and praise Him for how far He has brought you. I am believing for a complete healing. A crazy-miracle-kinda healing! I think you might have enough spunk in you, Jemma, to shock us all.

I can picture it as I write you... A mighty purpose and plan that God has for your life. Although small, you are going to greatly impact the world around you, more than you already have. You will be different than the average girl. You will grow in a strength that not many of us could handle, and you will have the scares to show your story. Jemma Sophia, embrace the scares, be proud of your uniqueness and individuality. Know your boundaries and understand your limits, but never let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish something. You are going to do amazing things! I will have the privilege of witnessing it! Since you have managed to fight with unbelievable endurance these past 10 days, I highly doubt the future will be able to contain your drive, tenderness and power. I am praying over your life continually. Myself and many others are so excited for the bright future ahead of you. I can't wait to hear your laugh and to see you smile. I can almost hear the sweet sound of your voice. Jemma Sophia, I am proud of who you are, already, and I will stand firmly in the hope and healing of Jesus and anxiously watch Him perform miracle after miracle in your life. I love you Jemma Sophia Starks, you are brilliantly created and designed as a beautiful masterpiece.

Your Forever,
Tunte Sheena


I give everything over to You Lord

Jemma Sophia Starks

We welcomed the darling Jemma Sophia Starks into the world Tuesday, October 8th at 5:22! A beautiful little girl that makes me so proud to be called aunt. There is nothing quite like the birth of a new baby and the celebration that surrounds the gift of life. The full head of dark hair and the puffy little cheeks brings the biggest smile to my heart. I was able to wrap her up in my arms, kiss her, talk to her, and tell her how much she's loved. Our sweet Jemma Sophia has no idea how many fans she has. Any baby born into our family becomes quite popular... quite fast! Jemma, you are brilliant!


Although we continue to celebrate the gift we call Jemma, there were some complications that occurred the day after her birth. Wednesday the 9th, in the morning, Rory and Stephanie, her parents, noticed that she was having a difficult time breathing. They sent a video clip to their midwife and she immediately responded and said, "Call 911." So they did, and the newly born Jemma was rushed to the hospital. I wasn't there upon their arrival, but my dad described it like a sense out of a movie. A security guard handed my brother Rory (Jemma's Dad) and my dad visitor badges to go into the NICU. They walked in the room to find 20 doctors and nurses running around getting Jemma oxygen, hooking her up to IV's and making sure they wasted no time with stabilizing her. Rory and my dad couldn't even see Jemma because there were so many people surrounding her. To call the scenario "intense," would be an understatement. 

Doctors said that they like to see people's oxygen levels around 90% and when Jemma was first brought into the ER, her oxygen levels were around 20%. She was not in good condition. Not everything has been figured out and they are still running several scans and tests, but they have concluded that she has a severe heart defect and will need surgery this week. We are praying against any long term affects. We don't want any seizures to occur now or in the future due to her time spent with such little oxygen. The most beautiful little doll has been through some much in her 2 1/2 short days of life. I believe she will make a full recovery and be completely healed. The doctors said she will have heart surgery in about a week and she will need to spend three more weeks recovering in the hospital. Needless-to-say, Rory and Stephanie and our families will be spending days and weeks and months in the hospital to ensure that our Little Jemma Sophia is made whole again! If you think about it, pray for everyone surrounding the situations; Jemma's parents, the doctors, India and Olive {Jemma's older sisters}, all the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. We all would appreciate your love and support through prayer. So if you think about... Pray! We are very grateful for the blessing and joy Jemma Sophia has brought to all of our lives. Even in the midst of the chaos, she is beautiful, strong, and has officially melted all of our hearts. As her older sister calls her, "We love you Princess Jemma!" 

I give everything over to You Lord  

My Feet Will Wonder Towards Adventure

Right now, I am able to look at my life and the things God is doing... and actually appreciate it! You know how some times we can miss what God is really doing in our lives? And the only way we really see the hand of God working in and through our lives is when we look back to past experiences and say, "Wow, I couldn't even see what God was doing." I know that I can't see all of His greatness working in my life, but I can see and even feel a lot of what He is doing. It is truly inspiring. To have a personal relationship with my Savior.

I was recently blessed with the chance to get out of town for a long weekend trip to Utah. I was mainly visiting my sister and my brother-in-law but had the chance to visit the church they are helping start. I have lots of amazing friends out in Salt Lake City who are serving Jesus, so it was incredible to spend time with them as well! I knew the trip would be a nice chance for me to get away, I just didn't realize how much it would impact me. But I was in for a wonderful surprise!

Since my sister was working a few nights when I was there, I had a chance to go to coffee shops and relax. I actually took that free time I had to read this book called, "The Next Generation Leader" (Which I sincerely love!) and I also spent that time, dreaming, praying, editing photos, updating my new phone, and driving around a new town. I am a sucker for adventure. I enjoyed my time in Utah so much. I love driving places and not completely knowing where I am going. I love the new views, smells, people, and atmospheres I got to experience. This trip did wonders. While I was spending time just talking with God, I could feel Him start to pour dreams and goals in my life that I have kind of left on the wayside. I have found this new appreciation for traveling. Like this undeniable, gonna die if I don't do it, kind of traveling. I feel like I have finally come full circle with some of the tough situations I have gone through these past 6  months. And I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is a beautiful site to see! I would not be where I am if it wasn't for the unconditional love of my family and close friends and my ever growing relationship with Jesus. It is humbling.

So as I start to learn how God will have these crazy dreams pan-out, I will be prayerfully expectant for the new and exciting, while remembering the importance of my "now." Remembering that my current life is just as crucial to the big picture as anything else that will happen in my future!

Oh goodness. I am so excited to be alive and living out my dreams.

I give everything over to You Lord

Family First

I don't know if your journey is anything like mine... But if it is then you may be able to relate to this post.

I've always believed family first - As in, my parents, siblings and in-law's. I love family, appreciate family and would not be where I am if it wasn't for my family. Family is a beautiful thing. Although I have always placed such a high importance on my immediately, I have never desired a family of my own. Like husband and kids kinda stuff! I suppose I could dig deeper into, "Why"and I'm sure I'd find that I have always been sort of scared to start a family. Knowing the kind of deep love I'd pour into the relationship with my husband, while being fully aware that I'll be deeply hurt at times. So I almost buried the desire to even let myself feel, or desire, or pursue a relationship that would eventually turn into a family. Until last year, I started dating a guy from my church, we grew up in the same youth group together and we eventually fell in love and got engaged. Romantic huh? Well, somehow my life is full of surprises and our relationship got to a place where I had to make some really hard, life changing decisions. Needless to say, I'm not engaged. I've been postponing the day I write about it because I knew that once I did, it would be real. That there would be no hope for me to start a family with him. Or at this point, anyone. While that time in my life has been one of the hardest times I've faced, there has been so many positives that have come from the relationship. During the process of being in that relationship, God did something amazing. Something that I thought I'd never feel. Something I thought I'd never desire. I, for the VERY first time, have a deep longing and desire to have a family of my own. While to some this is a normal desire, even from a young age, I've never felt this before. I feel excitement for the first time to really become one with someone. I find myself even hesitating while I write this because I am asking myself, "Are you sure you really desire a husband and kids?" While simultaneously I am fully confident that God has truly softened my heart. I want a family. Tears well in my eyes even picturing the beauty of my "One day!" I sit here thrilled even picturing my very own family.

My life and the journey I've walked, hasn't been easy, but it truly has been amazing. Sincerely, I wouldn't trade a moment of the pain I've been through. Because in those times I have been refined. And for that, I am humbled and eternally grateful.

And this is what I feel like the best part of this whole epiphany is. Although I finally realize my desire for a husband and kids I am not waiting until I am married to pursue all the things that God has for me. That may sound really logical, but, I know so many people who feel like their life doesn't start until after they're married. I am thankful to say that with or without a husband I know God has called me to some very specific things that I need to accomplish in my life, regardless of my relationship status. That is so freeing! Because I don't feel the need to "wait around" for someone to come along and sweep me off my feet. Rather, I want to be running towards everything I am called to pursue and then find someone who will run alongside me. With passion, drive, goals, and a desire to also start a family.

Being Cautious

Season 1 Episode 3 "Cautious"

{And this part of my life I call Workin' It Out}

Recently I have been feeling drawn to seek wise council about unanswered questions in order to be cautious about the direction I am heading. I have been talking to those who know me best and really trying to hear God's voice through their advice and guidance. I don't want to get to a state where I am so cautious that I can't enjoy the blessings God has placed in front of me. Instead finding a balance of Godly council and actually living out my walk with God, trusting that He will guide my path as I follow after Him. My desire is to please God and bring honor to Him through my life.

I want to do things right. Relationally, friendships, education, ministry and family. I have noticed myself being more guarded lately, in order to avoid any hurt. Although, mentally I know that is a destructive way of living and thinking, I have been fighting against the trap of shutting people out. I want to be vulnerable because I know how much benefit it is to have honest people living life. Even if it is a little messy at times, honesty is appreciated by God which means I am learning daily how to appreciate it in the same way as He does.

I have been feeling this desire to break through the dark cloud that has been following me for quite some time. I don't want any fear based relationships or hidden secrets. I want an honest jab at a healthy, flourishing, productive and stable relationship. Something that has always been a desire of mine. So as I work through my journey of asking questions and seeking out answers, as well as forming God honoring relationships with people, I will do the things that can not fail me. I will still keep falling madly in love with my God. I will still live each day with a passion to pursue God. I will still bow my knees in prayer. I will read the Bible with an open heart. I will lead by example and walk by faith. I will keep pouring into the lives that God has allowed me to, while still staying humble enough to be poured into and molded as well. I love my God, I am thankful for my life. I worship a Mighty King!

I give everything over to You Lord

Today In Church

Today in church something finally clicked in my head. The paster of Scottsdale Bible Church was teaching at Citi church and he had been talking about relationships. He said that God is mercifully, forgiving, caring, loving and everything else right? Well, what if you were locked in a room alone with no one there? Will those attributes of God be shown? No, that's why God put relationships in our life because when there is tension and conflict we are able to show love and forgiveness and care for one another. I think this touched me so much because i always questioned GOD, "WHY", why does there have to be hurt and pain and conflict and everything else in my life with friends and family and strangers, and for the first time i have realized that if there wasn't how could we demonstrate what God has so perfectly magnified on each of us. He works in the most amazing ways, i am thankful that i was able to hear that message i truly needed a little wake up call.