Do not apologize for existing.

I heard this spoken word from Natalie Patterson. A poet. Her words have been helping me release some of the junk and pain I am still holding onto. The internal war I face, daily. The battle of perfection. The desire to be loved, and accepted - while feeling like I never amount to, "enough." Oh to be a woman. It takes strength to be confident. I am just not there yet. 
... Yet. 

 Here is Natalie's spoken word:

"I was not always confident to speak the words the way I felt them.
Thought silence would suffocate the pain - It does not.

I taught myself to come alive.
I wrote.
And wrote.
And wrote.
Until my mouth could form the words that my backbone wouldn't carry.
I wrote, until I found the truth of things, until I saw the light again.

There is always light somewhere.
Beyond the bruises, and the names you call yourself.
Sometimes your worst enemy is in your own skin.
Sometimes it shares your face and claims to love you.
That hateful voice is not love.
I promise you.

There will come a day, that your fight is bigger than your fear.
That you nearly claw your way out of your body to prove that you exist.
Leave that skin for someone else and design your own wings.
You, are a masterpiece. Magnificent in your glory. Have you seen her lately?

The girl. The girl with the halo smiling and welcome home hands.
She is the best thing never seen cause your to busy being scared to be great.
And I get it.

Sometimes your body is as cumbersome as adulthood is.
Sometimes your drowning and wonder if anyone even notices.
Read books for answers and nothing speaks to you.
We are told that our complexity is a burden by people to weak to embrace their own condition.

To be selfless, exist, restless, unhappy - and never, ever expected to verbalize it.
We are told, to balance the uncertainty of this world with grace in stilettos heels, with a perfect complexion.
And that is just not realistic.
So lets rewrite these unspoken rules.
The ones that shackle us to people we never intended on being.

News flash.
You're allowed to fart.
And cellulite.
Well... cellulite is the devil.
"Get out you naked girl with cellulite."
Said no one... ever.
So get over it.

High heels aren't a requirement.
And a flat stomach isn't for everyone... cause chips are delicious.
You are allowed to be as you truly are.
There is space for every person on the spectrum.

We are dynamic, if nothing else.
Gorgeously ourselves.
We are women of something grater.
Speak, and the universe will react.
Align your actions with your intentions and watch your life become as breathtaking as sunset.

I dare you."


I give everything over to You Lord

A Letter to Jemma Sophia

Dear my darling niece,
 Jemma Sophia

 

It has been quite the emotional week for the family since you've been born. Especially for your parents. You definitely know how to make an entrance! If you haven't been able to feel the love yet, when you grow up, you'll be able to look back and see how many people have been praying for you and how many people have sent their encouragement to all of us. You are my wonderful little niece and I love you more than words could express. This week alone, I have felt and experienced everything from pure joy and excitement to fear and nervousness. It has sincerely broken my heart to watch you go through so much. The image of you laying in the tiny bed, your second day of life, with wires attached to you everywhere, will forever be burned in my mind. That way, when God heals your strong but petite body, we can look back and praise Him for how far He has brought you. I am believing for a complete healing. A crazy-miracle-kinda healing! I think you might have enough spunk in you, Jemma, to shock us all.

I can picture it as I write you... A mighty purpose and plan that God has for your life. Although small, you are going to greatly impact the world around you, more than you already have. You will be different than the average girl. You will grow in a strength that not many of us could handle, and you will have the scares to show your story. Jemma Sophia, embrace the scares, be proud of your uniqueness and individuality. Know your boundaries and understand your limits, but never let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish something. You are going to do amazing things! I will have the privilege of witnessing it! Since you have managed to fight with unbelievable endurance these past 10 days, I highly doubt the future will be able to contain your drive, tenderness and power. I am praying over your life continually. Myself and many others are so excited for the bright future ahead of you. I can't wait to hear your laugh and to see you smile. I can almost hear the sweet sound of your voice. Jemma Sophia, I am proud of who you are, already, and I will stand firmly in the hope and healing of Jesus and anxiously watch Him perform miracle after miracle in your life. I love you Jemma Sophia Starks, you are brilliantly created and designed as a beautiful masterpiece.

Your Forever,
Tunte Sheena


I give everything over to You Lord

TESTIMONY - Sheena Starks

The video below was filmed at an open mic night and it was the first time I had ever performed my spoken word entitled, "Testimony". I have been really humbled by the feedback and comments I have received from several different people. My desire has always been to give God glory and honor for being my daily hero and saving me from everything I found myself in and a part of. I am thankful beyond words can express, that God would use my mouth to speak His words. I am so passionate about other people finding freedom in their life and I am passionate about other people knowing and understand that they are loved just the way they are. They do not have to change or rearrange or work for the love of Jesus, He meets us right where we are. Now coming out of a lot of the stuff I struggled with {which you will hear in the spoken word} I have had so much more peace in my life. & THAT is a beautiful feeling. After you watch this video, please do not get the impression that I have arrived and have conquer all the areas that I touch on. But understand that I have to consistently turn to Jesus for strength to continue to be an over-comer. You are not alone if you feel like you just keep falling short and messing up - God is not surprised with where you are at and He loves you for who you are, regardless of your mistakes. Like I said previously - HUMBLING.

   

 I give everything to You Lord

Gracious

When you have known someone for so long and, overtime, there is growth in that persons life, it is easier to tell the change in the individual. I have been lucky enough to witness a beautiful display of God and His grace. My families long time friend Robert decided to publicly dedicate his life to Christ by doing a water baptism at City of Grace. Although fear shook his insides and even though he literally left the church because he was scared, God pulled on his heart to trust Him. So Robert stood at the end of the line as, I'm sure, tons of thoughts ran through his head. I feel so honored that I can witness such an awesome journey from where God has taken Robert from until today. God is really concerned about the journey, not just the destination.

Here is his water baptism.

For the fear that may knock on Roberts heart, I pray that God will give him a measure of Grace that it leaves him so fulfilled and satisfied. I also ask that God would grant Robert an extra sensitive Spirit to what God wants of him and where He is leading Robert. I am excited to see the next 13 years play out in our good friends life. Tears came to my dad eyes watching this video because he also was able to see how far Robert has come. It is such a testament to Gods goodness and faithfulness in each of our lives. Your loved by the Starks family Robert!

I give everything over to You Lord

BABY "O"

OLIVE CHRISTIANNE

7 lbs 9 oz came into the world early this morning!

I feel blessed to be a tunte (Aunt in Dutch) of two. & honored that I got to spend some time with Baby Olive this afternoon. Here is to her coming out party:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVE

It has been such a blessing to stop all of the craziness in my life and take a second to be thankful, appreciative and joyful. I have been so busy with tons of different aspects in my life but the sheer sight of Olive made everything wash away for a second. She is perfect in every way. With all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, she came into this world with a full head of hair and a beautiful family that loves her. Including her big sister India! Blessed. That's really all I am feeling at the moment. Thank you Lord for your prevision in our lives!

I give everything over to You Lord

Just little things..

It's so sad to see the standard of this world get to a place were "perfection" is the only way girls can be viewed as Beautiful.

It breaks my heart into nothing when i see broken families struggle to like each other anymore.

I truely can't stand any parents fighting, especially mine.

I hate to see drugs, alcohol, smoking, or sex the result of peoples happiness. It's only temporary, it's not true happiness.

I just melt away when i see people in this world completely missing Gods compassion and not totally in love with Him.

If we just had one less worry about life, maybe we could see God's amazing plan for all of us. Just maybe.

For me pictures are a way of saying I've lived life, i have records of what I've done, and i want to be better then before.

For every person who has given more of themselves to another person, i look up to you, because i've struggles with that.

I thought about what love was last night with one of my friends, and this morning a have a new perspective on it. God gave his life for us, one of the greatest gifts of love. Until I'm ready to die for anyone i know i wont know true love.
And then i thought more, would i die for people i know. I came to the conclusion that i would, if i could just give my life completely selfless to the people i say i "love" then i do truly know true love. God knows my heart and he knows who i love.
Love is not just a feeling but i struggle to live less in your flesh and live less for yourself.