Do not apologize for existing.

I heard this spoken word from Natalie Patterson. A poet. Her words have been helping me release some of the junk and pain I am still holding onto. The internal war I face, daily. The battle of perfection. The desire to be loved, and accepted - while feeling like I never amount to, "enough." Oh to be a woman. It takes strength to be confident. I am just not there yet. 
... Yet. 

 Here is Natalie's spoken word:

"I was not always confident to speak the words the way I felt them.
Thought silence would suffocate the pain - It does not.

I taught myself to come alive.
I wrote.
And wrote.
And wrote.
Until my mouth could form the words that my backbone wouldn't carry.
I wrote, until I found the truth of things, until I saw the light again.

There is always light somewhere.
Beyond the bruises, and the names you call yourself.
Sometimes your worst enemy is in your own skin.
Sometimes it shares your face and claims to love you.
That hateful voice is not love.
I promise you.

There will come a day, that your fight is bigger than your fear.
That you nearly claw your way out of your body to prove that you exist.
Leave that skin for someone else and design your own wings.
You, are a masterpiece. Magnificent in your glory. Have you seen her lately?

The girl. The girl with the halo smiling and welcome home hands.
She is the best thing never seen cause your to busy being scared to be great.
And I get it.

Sometimes your body is as cumbersome as adulthood is.
Sometimes your drowning and wonder if anyone even notices.
Read books for answers and nothing speaks to you.
We are told that our complexity is a burden by people to weak to embrace their own condition.

To be selfless, exist, restless, unhappy - and never, ever expected to verbalize it.
We are told, to balance the uncertainty of this world with grace in stilettos heels, with a perfect complexion.
And that is just not realistic.
So lets rewrite these unspoken rules.
The ones that shackle us to people we never intended on being.

News flash.
You're allowed to fart.
And cellulite.
Well... cellulite is the devil.
"Get out you naked girl with cellulite."
Said no one... ever.
So get over it.

High heels aren't a requirement.
And a flat stomach isn't for everyone... cause chips are delicious.
You are allowed to be as you truly are.
There is space for every person on the spectrum.

We are dynamic, if nothing else.
Gorgeously ourselves.
We are women of something grater.
Speak, and the universe will react.
Align your actions with your intentions and watch your life become as breathtaking as sunset.

I dare you."


I give everything over to You Lord

The Story Behind My Spoken Word "Testimony"

I felt inspired to write a spoken word about my testimony two years ago. So I sat down and began writing. I finished my spoken word in about two days. I then began to memorize it in hopes that one day I'd be able to share with people. & my hopes turned into reality about a year ago when I was asked to perform it at an open mic night my church was having. There was a room of about 50 people and I nervously took the stage and shared my journey with everyone. The responds I got after performing my spoken word was incredible. Everyone was so encouraging and I left feeling blessed and excited about how God has worked in my life.

(Image from when I performed at the Open Mic Night)

The day after I performed my spoken word, I drove out to LA with my sister-in-law. I told her about how I wanted to film my spoken word because I wanted a physical representation of the internal work that God has done in my life. I wanted to create a piece that embodied me. I originally wanted to create a video that would only be seen by me and family, but it turned into so much more. My sister-in-law sweetly offered her help and we decided to film my spoken word while we were in LA. (Remember, this took place a year ago). Months after we filmed Jessa (My sister-in-law) came down to Phoenix again and I was able to get the footage from her. So I downloaded the clips and took it to my friends at Parametric Studios and they tried working with what I had. Unfortunately, there was two many things that they needed that I wasn't able to provide them. They kindly offered to re-film it. So I decided that it would be a good idea! So exactly a year after I originally filmed mu spoken word, Joel, Alex, my cousin Ashley and myself went to down town Phoenix and filmed. We all were melting in the sun, but we pushed through and wrapped up after about 3 1/2 hours of filming. I left the footage in the talented hands of Joel and Alex.

A week or so later, I went to the Parametric Studios and recorded the audio that would overdub what I had recorded in the original video takes. I was tying to use all my multitasking skills at once; I was listening to my audio in head phones, while watching myself on screen from my film, while trying to say my spoken word. Let me tell you, matching the movements of my lips was quite a difficult task. Thankfully, 7 hours later, I finished! And again, I left my spoken word in the trusty hands of Alex! 

A few weeks later I received an e-mail with the first cut of my video! I was ecstatic! I probably looked like a complete moron as I squirmed around in my room with excitement! I eventually received several other e-mails over a three week time span... and then it happened... I got the final video cut with audio and music. I watched as tears weld up in my eyes. I sat back and spent time soaking in the greatness of everything Jesus has done in my life.

I wanted my spoken word to encompassed the pain I have faced, as well as the beautiful realization that Jesus has been faithfully by my side throughout my story. I knew that this spoken word would be a very vulnerable piece that let people into the mess of my life and the battles I have walked through. But I can gladly say, I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the gracious and loving guidance from Jesus. He has healed my brokenness and has restored my life. I am truly blessed. Be inspired! 

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A very special thanks to Joel and Alex from Parametric Studios. They spent many hours and hard work to make this video look and sound incredible! You can find them of Facebook, here: https://www.facebook.com/ParametricStudios

Site To The Seeing & Blind

This is part of a spoken word I have been working on:

The difference between seeing and having vision.

It’s not the actual act of seeing

That gives a blind man vision

May I purpose to you that it’s really based more on wisdom

Insight that gives site to see

Knowing Gods principles and learning how to bow our knees

If its vision that your wanting
An ophthalmic test wont cut it

Scripture offers you a vision
Clarity for your paths misdirection

I give everything over to You Lord

ABOUT.ME

I have recently made a profile on ABOUT.ME - Here is what it says: Or VISIT HERE

God Breathed Life Into Me

I am passionate about living & passionate about God, people, dance, photography, art, writing, creating, spoken words, music, and relationships. I get inspired by the uncommon and always try to listen for where God is leading me. I feel lucky to have my life, solely because I get to be molded, grow, encourage, achieve, accomplish, fail, try again, succeed, learn, forget, forgive, remember, and know who I am as a child of a King, a sister, friend, best friend, aunt, cousin, daughter, co-worker, crew member, youth leader and as ME! I really don't know much about anything, but I have the desire to become knowledgeable about most things! I am excited to live and can't wait to do great things in this World!

"My flesh may fail, but God you never will!"

I give everything over to You Lord

God shown through them...

I'm Blessed beyond words by my friends in my life that love me unconditionally. They, are truly Godly examples, and i need to learn from them.