Decent, That's All I Asked For

I realized I am a very socially awkward person. Mainly with guys. I have been around so many guys who are down right crude and simply want me more for my body then for my heart. I am disgusted, I searched so deeply and I literally forget what It's like to have a nice guy be plight to me. I am crushed. I am really not trying to write an,"Oh my gosh, I hate boy's, they're all pigs," Blog, but I am fighting to remember when I ran into a decent guy. I am not talking AMAZING, just decent. I worry that I may never find a good guy, and so now I don't fight for it. For maybe the chance to have a decent conversation with a guy who wants to know me, my hobbies, the things that make me smile. A guy who can walk me to my car and not try to kiss me before I leave,  but merely making sure I make it to my car safely. Or a guy who can come dancing with me and not dance on me, or come to my house to watch a movie with me and talk with my parents and not just try to get some on the couch. I find myself describing a guy who can just be my friend, but at the same time, I feel like I am asking to much. I want to be reassured that good guys do come along, that good guys do EXIST. Someone reassure me. I think part of my hang up is that I believed in some of my closest guy friends and they went the opposite way of what they could have been. Should'a, Would'a, Could'a. I know. I shouldn't say that. But I saw so much potential in these guys and they ended up on the other end of the spectrum.  I yell out to God inside my head, "WHY", why do I feel so alone, even the deepest and closest best friends seem to clash with my personality. I am not saying that this mess couldn't just be me, but I highly doubt it. Sorry. I am being honest, that's what I need from people, the honest truth, about everything. I am so tired of the sugar coated crap people have to say. JUST SAY IT LIKE IT IS. I am frustrated beyond all words, confused past all measure, and the last bone in my body that cared... just broke. So I no longer care. That's a lie. So maybe one day down the road I will write about a guy I meet. A nice guy. That's nice. Maybe one day. Just maybe. 

I give everything over to you Lord