Listen Past The Noise

The sound of the off key singing of a 12 year old boy, hands raised, eyes closed, worshiping. I reacted to the off key singing negatively, then I realized this 12 year old standing next to me is worshiping, hands raised, eyes closed, WORSHIPING. I feel so selfish for even thinking his singing was of some annoyance. Self-reflection hurts sometimes. Good thing I need a little pain.


"I give everything over to you Lord"

A New Way

I am going to be saying something after everything I write. To remind me that the God is my strength and he takes care of me.

"I give everything over to you Lord"

EVERYTHING

Reaction

The reaction of true love is when you see young people raising their hands and crying out, "LORD!"
I am truly in love with the Lord, so I raise my hands and cry out to Him as my reaction of true love.

FAVORITE

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Little Smiles

Fresh Air.
Smiling face.

Don't Rain on My Parade

I can only care so much.
Empty hands broken hearts.
Living close still miles apart.
Closed eyes, open mind.
Sipping back on red wine.
Missed and love.
Completely empty, no hug.
Silent phone lines.
Desperate phone calls.
Buildings with no walls.
Kisses with no passion.
High and dry.
Living life with the absence of time.
Silver rings.
Eye cady.
The choior sings.
I want to tell you something.
Speechless in words.
You watch her body, all of her curves.
I laugh when you see me.
Cry when I leave.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I want you.
"The Simple Side."
Simply sad.
Monotone and mad.
Stop hurting.
Squeeze the last tear out.
Quiet please, don't shout.

I Know Your Face Like The Back Of My Hand

We felt like... being captured. Captured through film.

I'd Rather Say I Trusted

I realized I can trust people easily. Literally, I usually trust someone I first meet, no questions. That seems like a good thing right? Unless your trust is broken. It hurts worse when you trust the most. I wont go so far to say that I am going to trust less, but I know God has buffed away the rough sports on my heart from the people who have let me down. Don't get me wrong, I disappoint daily, I know, but I was at work and realized that I put my whole trust in people. The more I trust the harder I fall. That's okay because I'd rather completely trust then to think everyone’s out to get me, that's a good thing right?? I am so glad God has let me trust time after time. Merciful is the word that comes to mind. I want to trust, show that trusting is needed, possibly that trusting is worth the tears and pain. That stuff you can get over, although hard, God is so close you actually never hit the ground. I have had good things come from trust. As I have mentioned before from my youth pastor, Jason, "Nothing bad comes from consistency." Now I will start another day, trusting God that I will never have a hard heart that won't allow me to trust people.

Safe

God brought us home safe, from our trip to California. Thank you Lord. I really am so blessed, and I feel weird because I always say that, I feel like I over use it. Is that possible? Sometimes I feel to blessed I don't know what to do with myself. In a good way. I laughed, I slept, I ran, I walked, I smelled, I tasted, I saw, I touched, I missed, I talked, I photographed, I smiled. I hope I did everything unto the Lord. I had so many beautiful opportunities to spend with the Lord reading His word and talking with him. I had chances to talk with an amazing guy who blesses me more than I could ask for. God is so sweet. Matt is so sweet. My trip was so worth it. Now I am going to take what I have learned and use it to grow more. I am excited about life. Not because everything is good, but I know in my heart that everything will be okay. I know for the first time, without any doubt. It will be Okay!

Here I come

Well, here I go. California. Yeah, a road trip, with my lovely friends. I am excited to do something new. Living outside the box. As much as California is living outside the box! But! I am all packed, the car, and I wanted to get my last Blog in before the trip.
I don't have much to say because all the stuff I forgot to pack is racing through my head.
Well, once again, I feel so blessed right now. Aw!

When I woke up

I had the best feeling inside me. The one you get when you see an elderly couple holding hands, or the one you get when a little kid kisses you on the cheek. I had a feeling like that. Can't really say what it is, but, I do know I like it.

The Last Thing On Your Mind

I'll keep you at your best

Amen.

I am lifting my thoughts to the Lord about all of my friends, but I want to be reminded that our world is full of sin, and I am once again blessed that the Lord has given me the opportunity to realize how much grace He has on us. Forgive me Lord for the times I've walked away from your purposeful path. I want to pray Lord, although it is a written prayer, I know you still hear me, I know you are watching out for my friends, but Lord all I can ask is for your hedge of protection over them. My eyes well up with tears because of discouragement and frustration. I want to change them Lord, and forgive me for even thinking I could do that on my own. I am laying my hurting heart at your feet. Make me the example that is honoring to you, pleasing to you, and that glorifies you in everything. One day I feel like nothing can break my persistence to be the woman you have created, but I feel like I am shaken again, by the world, my friends. God I know you know their future, their perfect plan, but everything in me wants them to stop, stop abusing their free will. I know ultimately they have love for you God, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I want to believe deep in my heart that they don't want this for their future. So here it is, I'm leaving it in your perfect hands, I do ask for peace though Lord. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. Just reissuance, yeah, maybe that will help. In Your name Lord, Amen.

Mom again..

My mom makes me laugh, like the other day about the secular tooth paste! (Earlier Blog!)
Yesterday she said something funny again. She sometimes mixes up things when she talks, in a cute way. I think it's because Dutch was her first language, translation thing! We were watching Project Runway together, and after she showed me this old old dress from when she was younger, she said very proud, "Sheena this dress totally looks like I could walk down the runaway!" Not RUNWAY.. RUNAWAY! : ) I had to smile once again.

Mom's lingo:

Jolly-Rancher = Jolly-Roger
Treadmill = Treadmeal (I have gown up saying TreadMEAL, ah!!)
And Now...
Runway = Runaway
Thank you Lord for these chances to smile with my mom!

Maybe!

I want to be inspired, I want to be pushed to love deeper and with more passion. Those are heavy words, but with everything in me, I mean it. I want someone who can make me feel things I can't describe, but not only have it as a feeling, keeping everything realistic. I want to have a smiling face to look at, but a serious heart towards life at the same thing. I want the relationship with God to match the relationship with me. Never having each other as idols. Maybe I found someone like that?

Black Dress Attire?

Ashley and I wanted to go out, being girls and all, we slipped into our black dresses and walked around down town.
Ashley is a beautiful girl, inside and out, I hope she never loses her love for the Lord.

Don't Forget

When special doesn't cut it, I remember what roles I play, have played, or will play.


Sister
Daughter
Friend
Best Friend
Brides maid
Made of Honor
Grand Daughter
Niece
Employee
Youth Leader
Mom
Aunt
Wife
Sister-in-law
Cousin
Babysitter
Girlfriend
Photographer
Choreographer


A few things God has called me to be. For some reason, that makes me feel like I can concur anything!

"Secular"

My mom buys this one toothpaste, all-natural, and actually a Christian brand. I told her I was running to the store to get new tooth paste today and she said, "Sheena, are you going to use secular tooth paste?" I said, "Mom, it's okay, I'll be fine!!" She made me promise I wouldn't swallow the secular tooth paste, after all it's "bad" for me!! For some reason, these little things my mom does is what keeps me going most of the time.

Poem Time

It was for when I cried and you caught every falling tear.

It was the time you held me and I lost all my fear.

Remember the time when you smiled at me.

My vision was fogged but thanks to you now I can see.

All I can think about is you.

Simply alone, just us two.

And the feeling of love now is all that I know.

I am so blessed and I pray to God that it shows.

In Your Wildest Dreams

Good Morning Blog!


I love when my thoughts run wild in my head. I love how it's okay to dream, and dream big. In my head, no one can judge my dreams, my thoughts, my wants, my hopes. I wont be condemned for thinking. It doesn't matter what thoughts actually run in and out of my head, but it's nice knowing that I'm capable to freely let my thoughts go. Contemplate. Recreate. Fearless to dream. I love it! My morning thoughts... fantasies. I have to remember that dreaming out loud is okay too, just harder for me. To actually express what I truly want for life. I suppose what I really want is to express myself freely. Don’t get me wrong, I can, to certain people, I am just very selective. Now my thoughts are racing to fast in my head, best I go!


Here's to my 80th Blog.


I am so thankful right now

A little bit more than "like"

And this is what I mean when I say the simple side...
This is a smile, and behinde it there's a boy.






I love how a girls world can light up when she get's to talk to someone she adores.

To another great girl

And I honestly believe God is doing great things in Telia's life, and will continue to do great things.


I pray that I can be a positive contributing factor in pushing her to greatness. She has such a good heart.

Encourage...

The words we speak, they are more than "just words."
The words that we speak are capable of crushing a heart, tearing a friendship to shreds, the words that we wish we can take back, but it's to late, those words. The ones that cause harm and not help. We can change those words to encouragement. Don't get me wrong, we can't take back what has already be said, but we can change the way we say things in the future. Reinforce positivity. Yeah, not heard much, but needed. Shouldn't we be speaking things that lift people upward and onward making them wonder what we have, as Christians, to be speaking such powerful and helpful things. I want to strive to be like Barnabas the man that through life he was seen as an encourager. Strive. Aw, I for some reason just fell in love with that word. I want to strive to be an encouragement to people, and in situations, when encouragement is most needed. This apply to my job, those customers that I honestly could find nothing good, those are the ones I need to pick out the good in and encourage past the frustration. I am desiring to make encouragement a life style, not something that comes in and out of season. I noticed that I can live a life based on situations, but I long to live a fresh life basing nothing on what has happened to me in the past, but basing everything on the new chance of being an encourager. Think about it this way... What if someone came to you needing hope, grace, love, ENCOURAGEMENT, and you decided to snap at them because you were living in your flesh. Truly think about that. Possibly the only chance a person will encounter a Christian man or woman of God and you don’t FEEL encouraging, so you just snap. Lord forgive me please for falling into that way of life day after day. Forgive me for not always showing You in me. You will know when you've reached the level of true encouragement when you go from being beaten, bruised, broken, and lied to, then placed in a new situation and your able to encourage. That is a place I'd love to reach. I guess you could call it a life goal. I want to, purely out of reaction, see the potential in people not the apparent flaws. It is very easy, sometimes, to pick out the negative in people, the challenge comes from picking out the positive and ENCOURAGING. Look hard to find what God has placed in everyone that surrounds you. It's hard not to let discouragement make you step back. I want to learn not to be so caddy because I am dealing with things. Make a goal for yourself. Try being more than semi civil. I crave to be more than that, crave, I have fallen in love with that word as well. Think, if words could be physical bruises, how many people would be walking around with bruised bodies. Every time I encourage I want to be shaping the way for my eternity. My words, the ones that fill the pages of my Blog, I pray they point to the Lord, in everything I do, and in everything I say. The things that are whispered are still heard, the carelessly uttered words still mean something.


And I'll sing, and I'll sing, cause of your great love. And I'll sing.

To This Day

A state of mind


A state of being


A state of choice


A state of seeing

I have nothing to lose

I can't promise I wont be scared, and I can't promise I wont fear for the future. But this is a moment in my life when I'm trying to grow bigger and better. Did you catch that?? Trying? I am going to try and open doors I have shut, locked, bolted, and welded closed. It's okay to be vulnerable, however that may look. I am understanding that it is completely acceptable to trust, I am starting to look forward to it. Who would have thought! I know it is very possible for someone to break my trust, I do it daily I'm sure, but the fear is not over righting the future. I feel as though an old layer fell off my body and shattered on the floor. Relief. Thank you. I am very content in my life, not settled, content. As soon as I finish writing this I know God will be like, well then I will test your strength on how much you actually trust. He has a sense of humor like that! I am so willing, never to fall but to climb my way to the top of this invisible latter. By all means, I don’t mean that in a selfish way. I don't feel that this is unobtainable. To trust and be trusted. To share those things I have grasped to tightly. Although I have never ran a marathon, I think it would feel something like I feel now, accomplishment. I feel like I'm jumping in life with two feet forward, cliché, I know. Isn't it funny what a little peace can do, or should I say, God. I'm embracing every ounce of what I feel right now, even though I would probably crash if my head hit my pillow. I don't want to keep the past so close to my future. I want to keep everything I have experienced as a past experience not as something I base my future on. I will still struggle with letting go of bad feelings but I am ready to start choosing better ones... Feelings. Better feelings.
You don't know how good that sounds to me.

And... This is my life

So here's the story behind these pictures!


I had been joking about being a wildlife photographer during lunch, and sure enough I saw a fly and jumped at the chance to put my camera to good use! As I waved my camera all over I snapped it, and BAM! I did it! Thank you! I got a fly on his way to land on my sister’s cup!








My brother! He thought it would be fun to shoot water in his mouth with his little squirt guns. Yes! My brother has little squirt guns! I love him for it.






I as well put my brothers water guns to use! I would walk behind my dad and give the gun a couple of good squirts, right where is counts, and he didn't notice at first! Until my brother whispered something to him... I quickly felt water being shot at my head! Psh, like I cared!! Right?






My sister was complaining about how close Allison’s head was to her head, so Allison showed her what close really way!! She got her in a side ways head lock! : )






Being the nice family that we are, we always make fun of my brother for having Asian eyes, we can never see them in pictures! So he wanted to make sure he really showed them off. This was the outcome!
Big Blue Eyed Big Brother!






We were trying to be cute and jump in the air. Ha! So graceful! Well actually, Allison, being the ballerina that she is, managed to look normal still! Steph and I just tried to get air! I think it was decent!

Aw, Love!

My Beautiful mother has blessed me with so much; I often question how I will repay her. Not saying she has given up her life to get something in return, but there is always that lingering thought. God thank you for her. Bless her. My mom and I have fought, and well, fought some more, the wonderful outcome is still being formed daily, but it is beautiful. It's hard sometimes to let her in the whole way, to spill it.. My heart. I want to, I just think it's been hard to fully drop my walls, for fear of the caring mom answers and sometimes the lack of understanding. Needless to say, my family, I can't really put it into words, but I adore them so much…


They can make me smile when all I feel like doing is crying.


They can say I love you, and I know that they mean it.


They can teach me when I am not being very teachable.


They can show me the grace of God.


They are my best friends.


This was our HAPPY mothers day!

Smile

So! My brothers mother-in-law said to me, "Isn't it funny how God made words to rhyme!" Made me smile!!!
God is just that good!

Capture This

I can't help but love my brother!

Priscilla Renea

"I Fell In Love With You"


I found this girl one day while wondering around on youtube, and I haven't been able to keep off her videos. I find her voice beautiful. She has a very happy personality. This is one of my favorites! She has like 80 something videos on her youtube thing, God for sure blessed her with the talent of singing!

Keep It Between Us

I tried to start writing this sentence about four times, but I got to the 6th letter and erased it each time. I find most things easy for me to write, not saying they’re good, but easy. Although this might seem very simple it's for some reason, hard for me to write. Let's see if I can get it out. I want so much to fall in love. I want to have someone who can hold me and I can know without any doubt that their in love with me. I have a hard time with feeling alone. It makes me feel cold, slightly bitter, and I desire to have someone close to me. Personally, I don't think that’s so much to ask. Besides, we all, in our own way, want that. I watched Diary of a Mad Black Women tonight, and I was so alone, under my big white comforter, when the ol' romantic senses kept on haunting my computer screen… God bless those with fairy tail stories. My focus is God. Understood. But I want someone I can Love, and have them appreciate every ounce of effort I put into them. I know the Lord will bless me for trying to be the woman God wants me to be, and yes, patients is a virtue, but in all honesty, I desire intimacy. Stop! Before you think sex, hot make out sessions or even caressing each other’s bodies, LET ME CLEARIFY. I want an intimate relationship with a man of God who can carry his responsibilities, as I will try to carry mine. I want him to be intimate with God, in turn having a certain intimacy with me. I wont go into every detail, but I feel so alone sometimes. It's good, I guess, reminds me who I really need to rely on, God, but, I can't help but get this off my mind, better yet, my heart. I know it's not cake. The whole relationship thing. Let's go out on a limb and what if I said I don't always want a piece of cake. My good friend reminded me, well, that love is a choice, not a feeling. I truly believe that's right. What would happen if I chose love every day then, in spite of the disagreements, hurt, and struggles, I could still make a daily decision to choose love. I want to make a daily decision to choose love. Battles build you.
Nothing bad comes from consistency.

Learn

My English teacher, Larry, has taught me that the way we understand the world is from the words we know. Smart right? I love thinking about that, because I love reading other people’s blogs admiring their way of thinking, a beautiful art form called writing. I was sitting down just thinking, if only people knew the truly amazing words in the Bible and how thet can really help them understand the world. Then another thing came to mind. I need to make a conscious choice to spend decent amounts of time reading the Bible, pushing myself to be more then the "Average Sheena." Of course I have realized that the key to understanding the world around us is hidden in the Bible, but it was just something that was understood, I did not consciously think of it. As most of that was probably misunderstood, I realized that if I remember that the Bible holds the secrets to a successful life with God in control of everything, then I would be perfectly satisfied with only coming to that conclusion after half a year in school... God is the reason of existence.


(I learned more than that, don’t get me wrong!) Success is only measured by personal growth.

Ouch

So I slepted on my neck wrong. And well, I'm reminded how thankful I am to be blessed with a healthy body!

Matthew 5:9

I have a hard time imagining what I'd be like to have meaningless moments be a constant part of my day. I don't understand how teens, young adults, and even adults, can treat their lives like seemingly meaningless misfortunes.
I am so sad to witness this daily. People not caring about life not caring about their surroundings and overall living a hard life. Bitter, pain, hurt, anger, love, fear, happiness.
We all feel that, it's what we do with our emotions, and how we put it into action.

God has blessed me with eyes to see the sin in the world, and the sin in my own life. Why is it so invisible to the people I have encountered, why Lord, does the relentless heartbroken feeling keep people longing for more disappointment.

HERES TO OLD FRIENDS

Fed up? Or am I bitter?







The thing that keeps me going is tearing me apart. MY HEART.
There is a boy I've grown up with, and shared, well, a good 7 years of my life with.


Friends.


Best Friends.


No Friends.


Okay fine, Friends.


Now God has given me some peace with letting go. Although it's impossible to just drop it and wipe away the past.


Well.. For some of us


I guess I can understand how someone who knows there doing something wrong does it anyway. But I really can't at the same time. So heartless. So selfish. So hurtful. Believe me, I'm not a picture of perfection, I know that much, but I know when I'm crushing someone’s heart, I stop, not keep stabbing it relentless amounts of times.










Anxiety. Anger. Abandoned. Alone. Ashamed. Afflicted. Blank. Bruised. Broken. Beaten. Betrayed. Crushed. Cold. Crazy. Crap. Crippled. Cheerless. Dumb. Deserted. Dumped. Desecrated. Desperate. Drowning. Detached. Depressed. Degraded. Dry. Distressing. Ditched. Daunted. Empty. Emotionless. Effortless. Fear. Friendless. Fights. Falling. Failed. Flesh. Frozen. Gross. Gloomy. Garbage. Grief. Hopeless. Heartless. Hated. Haunted. Heartbreaking Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Heavy. Horrible. Ignored. Invisible. Inadequate. Impossible. Irrelevant. Impassive. Irrational. Jerk. Jeopardized. Killed. Lonely. Lost. Last. Limp. Lame. Left. Miserable. Mistreated. Meaningless. Mean. Mad. Mocked. Nothing. Neglected. Narrow. Nailed. Numb. Nerd. Never. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Opposed. Opened. Ongoing. Poor. Pissed. Passed. Poignant. Quiet. Retarded. Relentless. Restrained. Rude. Ripped. Raw. Scared. Scared. Simple. Servant. Selfish. Sad. Shallow. Separate. Second. Shafted. Shoved. Teased. Tortured. Trampled. Tested. Torun. Trash. Tough. Unloved. Unchanged. Unworthy. Uncared. Unhappy. Unaffected. Unsatisfied. Unfortunate. Unemotional. Unbelievable. Vent. Visionless. Worthless. Wrong. Waited. Wait. Wrecked. Wilting. Yuck. Yell. You. Yours. Zero. Zilch.

Passion and Girls

So there are these two girls. Two girls that strive to know the meaning of God and the understanding of what it means to be true women of God. I am so blessed to see the Lord working in these two beautifully talented girls. I have known Jenelle and Brittany for quite some time now, and they have truly gotten closer to each other and have now become best friends. The Lord is so good to them. Building their relationship together and striving to be better through the Lord. Such a blessing to see them grow. Brittany has a sweet heart that has deep concerns for Jenelle’s well being and the well being for her friends, family, and for herself personally. She has learned, through struggles, how to express herself, and although it is still hard, God is really teaching her meaningful things for the future. As for Jenelle, she’s a light in a dark room, a sweet hug when hearts are broken, and a brilliant smile when there seems like nothing to smile about. There is a heart a hope and a positive future in Jenelles eyes, I seem it in the way she talks to me about life. She has an amazing way of opening her heart and trusting it with people, when she feels comfortable. This girl is growing to be more beautiful, more admirable, and wiser with time. She has a passion for children and it is something she wants to pursue. God has given one another a gift to bless. Lord it is only my desire and prayers that these two girls will change the world together, possible change lives, and if it is your will to only change each other for the better, then I hope Lord you will make that possible for them. God is a Big God, God is a Great God, God is God.

Summer

So schools coming to an end, and God is letting me breathe and enjoy the things that I love and am inspired by. Art, drawing, painting, photography, writing, music, dancing. Finally summer is almost here!! : )