Monday, August 18, 2014

We Will Not Back Down

I haven't given an in depth update of how life looks and how my sweet fiance's health has been. Cause to be honest, it's exhausting. We have shared progress with family and our church, when we are asked in person. But other than that, we are just walking out of our journey, and that takes most of our energy most days. Just the other day, I was sitting at Starbucks alone getting filled up in the Word, and a girl walked over and tapped me on the shoulder and softly says, "Are you Kasey's fiance." I proudly said, "Yes!" She explained that she went to school with Kasey and had seen my blog posts and wanted to see how we've been. A very sweet gesture.

I was already thinking about writing another blog post to update everyone on how life has been, and how Kasey is actually doing, but after we had talked, it reminded me of something really important. The disease Kasey has been diagnosed with is real, and challenging, but Kasey and I want to be known for glorifying our God and not his diagnoses. So I write, although feeling exhausted, because I need to share how good, how faithful, how powerful, and how personal our God is.

This is what things look like now! Kasey and I, a few weeks ago, didn't go to his scheduled doctors appointment as a step of faith. We felt like there was something more God had for us, besides taking out his colon out or going on immune-altering shots that he would need for the rest of his life. That same day, we sifted through all the information doctors told us, everything we read, and through all the suggestions from family and friends, and came to the same conclusion. Surprisingly, we settled on something that was seemingly unrelated, and the very thing that doctors said had nothing to do with Kasey's condition. Food! We agreed on food! We decided, there has to be a connection between what he's putting into his body and what comes out of his body. Right? Pretty logical! I will remember the night we decided to change our lifestyle. It was that peace, that didn't make sense, that was illogical, and up until that point, we had felt crazy that every doctor told us that diet was completely irrelevant and unrelated. But that's what we agreed on. And even if we WERE crazy, we made the decision together, and we both were in full agreement. Even that felt like a small victory, and we take what we can get these days!

We decided to cut out gluten/wheat, dairy, grains, and seeds. Ha! It makes me laugh even writing it. Out of everything, that was our conclusion. Kasey and I have always eaten more healthy and both are knowledgeable enough to make an educated decision about our dietary journey. We have completely changed what we put into our bodies, everyday meal, everyday! We have been strict and very particular. I have also joined Kasey in this new change. Because part of my commitment to him is walking with him, fully, through the things he does. With our wedding just a few months away, I figured, it's better to mesh our eating styles now in order to create an easier transition into married life. So we eat a lot of really good food. A lot of colorful food! Our meals consist of meat, veggies, fruits, eggs, and anything that isn't processed.

And can I please be the first to announce that Kasey did not have to go back to the hospital. He isn't getting his colon removed. And his bleeding has subsided. Most days consist of texts from my fiance which read, "No blood!" That is our miracle. That is our God showing up in our lives. That is our reminder that God hears our cries, knows our life, and provides real and practical help to us. Has our diet helped? We believe it has made a huge impact, but that dose not discount or negate the work God is doing behind the sense to completely heal and restore Kasey's body.

This is what I have decided. Kasey and I are called to serve God and love people, and that is exactly what we plan on doing. I had a conversation with God. It probably sounded more like me preaching to God, but I told Him this,

" Kasey and I will serve you. If Kasey does not receive full healing and this is our life long battle, then we will still serve you. I believe that You will grace us with the resources and wisdom we need to navigate through life with whatever comes our way. You wouldn't call us and put a plan and a destiny over our lives, so we can sit at home and squander it. You gave us a plan and a purpose because through us You will do a good work. So if You want to use us, please, have Your way. But weather You like it or not God, we will not leave our post. We will stand our ground. And we will serve You in the best ways we know how."

I don't know if God appreciates my spice. But He has loved me in a way, which no other has matched, that my life will forever be spent sharing that same love with others. So Kasey and I march on! Warriors for a cause bigger than our circumstance, and we trust that God has our best interest in mind! Please, continue the prayers, that has been huge for Kase and I during this process.

Our God is so good. Like, really, really good!


I give everything over to You Lord

Sunday, August 3, 2014

It's Not A Sprint, It's A Marathon

Since my last update about finding out that Kasey has a disease called Ulcerative Colitis, he and I have had to pray and discuss a lot about what our life looks like now, and what kind of treatment options we feel are best suited for him. We would both like to thank those of who have been praying along side us. This journey has been hard so far, and we are so thankful for your support, love, and encouragement. To put it nicely, it has been a whirlwind of emotions, questions, confusion, and concerns. Even with our wedding just a few short months away, Kasey's health has been our priority in life. Our thoughts and our energy have gone into making sure Kasey is the healthiest he can be. We have almost had to put a pause button, momentarily, on everything else, just so we can truly feel confident about our big life decisions about his health. Everything that the doctors are offering us are all life altering options. As my sister-in-law put it, "Kasey and I are having to grow up faster then others, by making decisions that others never have to think about." Needless-to-say, it's a lot.

After getting out of the hospital, Kasey and I have shared excitement with each other for what God has done in his life. Everything seems like a victory. When he eats and doesn't automatically go to the bathroom, we rejoice. (You never realize what you will be thankful for until it is taken away from you). Although we have been able to see some great strides in the right direction, we have recently been experiencing more setbacks. I took Kasey to get a sigmoidoscopy, last week, in oder for the doctors to do follow up tests on how his colon is doing. Which meant, again, my sweet love was put under and the doctors checked him out. Surprisingly his colon looked beautiful! (Things I never thought I would say).

Unfortunately, after the procedure, Kasey's bleeding started getting worse, and it was very reminiscent of his condition before going into the hospital. So, back to the GI we went. This time, the doctors physician (who was with us some of the time in the hospital), told us that since the steroids weren't working, we would need to look into a more "promising" alternative. She suggested removing his colon or going on immune-altering medication. Not the type of promising suggestions we were looking for. So we left the doctors office and told them we would have to do some serious research and some serious discussing. But we only have so much time with Kasey losing blood. We can't just take a month to pray over everything and visit other doctors offices and ask hundreds of questions, we need to make decisions and we need to make them now. Such a stressful position we are put in. And not to mention that stress makes ulcerative colitis worse - it is like a mean game the disease plays on us.

When I have said that this affects our whole life now, I am not using that term for dramatic affect, it literally alters the way we do things now. What we eat, where we go, how we resolve conflict in our lives, how much we commit to people and responsibilities, and how we view and respond to our relationship with God. Our date night consists of me checking Kasey's pulse in the movie theater, and sitting at our dinner table reading articles about how God uses suffering. Life is just different, not bad, just different.

Kasey and I believe that God could still heal Kasey any moment. But He hasn't, which means we are sifting through tons of information in order to make the best decisions with what we have been given. While this time before our wedding is usually spent planning, preparing, and figuring out ways to celebrate, we have found a new appreciation for each others love and are learning to celebrate in the things that mean the most to us. The way we do things now, is very different. We have to consciously do things on our time, when it isn't the most convenient for us, in order for us to make sure we are slowing down in life and taking care of Kasey's health.

We have grown a new appreciation for the suffering Jesus went through when dying for us. We spend time reading scriptures that remind us that we are not alone in the minimal suffering we are experiencing. We pray a lot. And then we pray more. We do whatever we can that works for us in any given moment when things are hard and confusing. We are learning to trust God, more, with our whole life and believing that He will honor the steps we take. Since there is no big flashing sign that says, "DO THIS," we are having to step out in faith even when we don't see an end or solution to his health issues.

All we ask for, continually, is prayer. Prayer for our decision making. Prayer for wisdom. Prayer for health. Prayer for miracles. And prayer for unity, strength, and a joyful spirit, as we walk through this journey. We are becoming more and more aware, that this isn't a sprint to the finish, it is a marathon that needs endurance. So pray for us if we come to mind - that would be a huge blessing for the both of us.

I give everything to You Lord