I'll Put Myself Last. And Make the Rule's as I go

Gentle and so soothing.

Steady yet confusing. 

I give everything over to you Lord

Just Say Yes

This picturesque ideal of how the common day, our common life, is meant to be sequenced, is in fact death defining. The beautiful American lie steers you continuously in the wrong direction until you've lost yourself and you only know what it feels like to feel nothing at all. Your car can be your confessional, but don't regret dripping your dreams to an inanimate object. Your dashboard can't talk back. How does it equip you for life if you're a singing and you lose your voice? Have you lost your place in the world?  Or if your a dancer and you can no longer walk? So I will write what I feel and feel what I write. Then, I will pray for two different worlds to collide a beautiful collision. I couldn't sit here and deny my past because quite frankly, my past is what will bring me through my future.  And since I've won some and lost some, I am reminded that "We live in a fallen world and the rain falls on the just and the unjust." 

I give everything over to You Lord

The Night before Christmas

Christmas Eve has come and gone.

Merry Christmas is our new found song.

Presents have been torn open.

The romance and love.. we all keep hoping.

Christ birthday.

Happy Birthday.

Good night and thank you for family Lord.

I love you.

I give everything over to you lord 

Your Everyday Run In

First Verse

Beautifully breathed smiles

Come in and stay for a while

More than just a trip

It's a friendship with a twist

Chorus

Thanks for everything

You've been so trust worthy

This happens once in eternity

Just be you, I'll just be me

Like I said-

Thanks for everything

Second Verse

Peaceful knowing your in my company

Laughin' and talkin' regularly

This is the base of you and me

This is the base for our infinity

Chorus

Thanks for everything

You've been so trust worthy

This happens once in eternity

Just be you, I'll just be me

Like I said-

Thanks for everything

Third Verse

Bruised hearts

And lips that tell secrets

The secrets of our past

Let's forget everything and run, run, run fast

Let's go

Chorus

Thanks for everything

You've been so trust worthy

This happens once in eternity

Just be you, I'll just be me

Like I said-

Thanks, thanks for everything

This is just a song I decided to write. My cousin put a tune to it on her guitar. It turned out better than expected! 

I give everything over to You Lord

Making My Way Through The Crowd

I often take on peoples burdens as my own. To an extent I don't think that's a horrible thing, because I can feel what they feel, help where a hand is needed, and care for their problems. I think where they problem comes is when I am letting others situations rule my life. Paralyzed in a completely movable body. So there has been a few burdens I have taken on, not because I'm forced to, but because I truly care. I have found that each situation is determined by them and how their feeling. Happy, sad, excited, upset, effected, fine, okay. I have been trying to have a good time, smiling as much as possible, laughing more then usual, but not so fast. I feel as if I'm dragged into the problems that feel unsolvable. Help. I can't run away and not hang out with them, for goodness sakes, they live at my house. So what then? I know I should be daily and hourly giving these peoples problems to God, but I feel like I don't even know where to start. I sat on the couch while a thousand hurtful tears feel from her face, each one telling a story. Dare I say, this isn't fair. I can hardly worry about my hearts condition when I am stuck in the swamp of other's... life. I care, don't get me wrong. I am simply expressing my struggle, and let me be honest. THIS IS A STRUGGLE. I suppose I should continue giving this to God, but I can't help but think my Christmas might just be... Okay. My new years? Should be good, but will it? I want out of this, but at the same time, they keep letting me in. I care, please, once again, don't think for a second I don't have love for these two. You could probably say that the reason why it hurts so much and why I'm so burdened is because I do care so much and I do love them so much. I don't want this situation to be "Fixed" but I want it to be healed, restored, renewed, and possibly continued. Oh God. This is for You, because I don't know how much more my weak heart can take. I don't want to cry. But they're making it so hard to smile. I am happy. I know I am. 

I give everything over to You Lord

This Time

Sometimes I just have to have peace with knowing things are crazy. 

Sometimes I just have to do the dirty work so I can clean my hands. 

Sometimes I have to let go so I can trust God. 

Sometimes I need to feel out of control so I can sit back and watch.  

Sometimes I need to write so I can think, and,  

Sometimes I just need to live so I can feel alive.

I give everything to You Lord

WRATH

Let me receive. Let me Breath.

Let me Express. Let me Repress. 

Let me Smile. Let me live in Denial.

Let me Kiss. Let me Miss. 

Let me Survive. Let me feel Alive.

Let me Walk. Let me Stop. 

Let me Do me. Let me be Free.

Cause.

On the day of Judgement, and God asks, "Why did you do that." You won't be answering for me. So. Let me be me. You have your life to live. Let's enjoy it together. Seriously. 

"But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who WILL RENDER TO EACH PERSON ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS." Romans 2:5-6 (New American Standard Bible)

That's such a bold statement, but it's so true. I believe people sometimes, including me, have to stop worrying about how other people want to live their life, because we can't control them. The best thing we can do is be a good example, pray for them, and ask God to give you opportunities to shed light on their situations. I think if your worrying enough about your relationship with God, other things, life in general, will come easier. But don't get me wrong, it's a struggle to have a relationship with God. I'd say it's harder then not having one. It is so worth it though. So worth it. He's WORTH IT.

I give everything over to YOU LORD

Day. To. Day.

I cough, a hard, deep imbedded cough. As if I had smoked for 13 years. Deep cough. 

My toes peek out of my bright red sweat pants. I feel like a fool in those. My toes are cold. 

I am sitting propped up in my new Italy-like chair. Grey and black, easy to the eye. 

I have a paint brush to my left and the tubes of paint. Art. 

My dog is quietly resting under my fan, on my bedroom floor. Dashboard Confessional plays their beautiful "Stolen" song. 

A pile of clothes 2 feet tall lay on my bed, just waiting for me to find a place for them. My left over water shakes with the typing of my keys. In my mind I picture hundreds of music notes, seldom played keys, Incredible combinations, music to my ears. Music. 

I need to shower, I have been to busy all day. Now, at nine, I will shower. 

I have my second to last math class tomorrow morning at 7:30. Bright and early. 

I don't want to get up early. I will. My cough is hurting. I'm alright.

I

Give

Everything

Over 

To

You

Lord

Shaaabang!

Someone once told me, that creative people, while under stress, cancel out time to be creative. Coming to this realization, I decided, I needed to get creative again. I would tell you what I did, but it would ruin my brother and sister-in-laws christmas present!!  No matter what it was though, it was good to be back in touch with my creative side, I'm a much happier person when I'm in the art world. School is almost finished for this semester, so I will be able to jump in to the creative boat again, and sail, with a free mind! I have so many good ideas for my room and ways to jazz up this and glamorize that, but I feel like school take away from my creativity. No, I'm not debating whether I should drop out or not because I guess the saying goes, "You gotta start somewhere!" I just really enjoy the creativeness God put inside of me. Thank you God! 

I give everything over to You Lord

Word Usage

Our core, our innately evil bones, this fabric that holds our mess together. 

Inspirational. 

The design and the texture, remarkable structure, angles and avenues, it's what my heart beats for.

Destination.

Clever commands, distinct retaliations, inquisitive impulses, attracting the implausible individuals. 

Regurgitation.

Set abroad, slightly irrational, tip toes to the peek of unimaginable. 

Reassurance.

Silk love letters, kissing forever goodbye, dealing with the harsh realities and misconstrued  lies. 

Cynical 

I give everything over to You Lord

 

Thank you

It's one thing to accept injustice. It's quite another to receive unjust treatment and respond with mercy. That behavior spells  L-O-V-E.

That's the kind of Christian I want to be.

Thank You Stephanie 

I give everything over to you lord

Cheers! Wait? Cheer!

Here's to Christmas 

With an added jingle bell rock

 The children whisper about the presents they JUST might have got

Hot coco and eggnog too

Christmas lights, yellow, red, and sky blue

Cheer is more common and smile's shine bright

Every one is cuddling with blackest rapped tight

Mistletoe springs more kisses

And there is several new 'Mrs.'

Santa has less cole this year

Surprisingly, it's because of everyones cheer

So trinkets and whistles are fun for a moment

Nothing, though, compares to God's gift of atonement 

His gift is eternal, lasting more then a moment

I give everything over to you Lord

She Will Know

    It scares me to think she does this out of her lack of daddy. It scares me to think this is how she's choosing to spend her free will. So I wonder if her smiles are even real, or if she knows how bad she's hurting. I know exactly how it feels to want to do something to yourself that's harmful, and to know you need help, but want to do it anyway. She doesn't need someone to abandon her and point out the sin in her life. Let's wake up and smell the coffee, we are all sinners. She doesn't need a long lecture about what lasting effects this will have on her body. She doesn't need to be babied or held by the hand, because she chooses her choices knowing full well of the consequences. No in fact, she doesn't need rehab or a shrink. She doesn't need to see a psychiatrist and doctors wont do the trick. She's knows what she's doing is wrong, but how long will her memory last. I fear that she will miss the reason of life. The reason of breath. No she might not die from this, and come on, it's "just a phase." She may get on the plane and fly far away. She may keep up this nonsense and end up senseless. Perhaps she may choose to crawl in bed with him, but she knows what she's choosing. Her talent abounds understanding and she has yet to be understood. Still, she doesn't need to be looked down on, because let's face it, we've all made our mistakes. 

It's actually quite the opposite. 

    She needs to know she's loved. That she is valued beyond belief. That her laugh and her smile, her walk and her talk, were perfectly formed in the likeness of God. No, it goes farther then the eye can see, she needs an out stretched hand and someone to call. And she's in serious need of a hug fest! She needs her dad to remind her how precious and innocent she is. She needs her dad to be the spiritual leader of the house. She needs her dad to take care of her mom so that she can feel safe. She needs more then a house, she needs a home. Bottom line, she needs her dad. I think she may need to push the refresh button on her relationship with God, but I'm by no means judging her. She needs love where love is lacking. She doesn't need a boy or a man, a college degree or a 5 year plan. She needs to know that telling her parents might suck, but she has to start somewhere. She simply needs to know God smiles down on her in the morning and still has open arms, waiting for her to run to Him. He never leaves, we always do the walking away. She needs a kiss and some good influences. True friends that will stop talking about her behind her back. She need to be shown every good thing about her, because it will surpass any negative thing anyone has said about her. She needs to know the person in the mirror is not who she wanted to be. She needs to know that insecurity is natural, that uncertainty is inspiring, she needs to know her heart is 

worth admiring 

So I pray God, that if it's in Your will, you will keep her from leaving on the trip. That you will make her feel sick every time she wants to be fulfilled by something other than You God. Continue to show Grace on her and myself Lord. 

We all need your grace. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Let it rain

We're Christian's and we live in a fallen world and the rain falls on the just and unjust.