Nip & Tuck - Image Obsessed

While being surrounded by an image obsessed world, it is hard not to fall snare to the lies and the desire for (perceived) "perfection." I've written about and spoken with several people about body image and the struggles that most of us face when it comes to obtaining this unrealistic goal of beauty. It is not just a girl thing. It's a human thing. Girls try to slim down, guys try to bulk up - you know, typical stereotype stuff.

I have mentioned in my spoken word, briefly, about my struggles with my image. But if I'm honest with you, I have researched costs for liposuction, tummy tucks, boob lifts, teeth whitening, and unfortunately, lots more ridiculous "Body Enhancements," aka. plastic surgery. Sounds crazy to some - but in a world where I can't go a day without seeing the "ideal" girl on a Billboard, Internet ad, Television show, Magazine cover, Movie or walking down the street, it is hard not to let the "You're not good enough," thoughts cross my mind. Maybe a little nip and tuck is the perfect solution?

It would be my great pleasure to share how I've overcome and conquered my worries, insecurities, and body image issues, but unfortunately, I'm still working on finding freedom from destructive thoughts. I have not arrived - I know - shocking!

But, on my journey to finding peace and contentment with my body, I have decided to unveil my insecurities and share them with you. Come on, who doesn't like the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable? (And to the few people who don't mind it - you are a braver soul than I!)

I have a weakness for visual expression, so I decided that the best way to bare my soul for all to see, is to create a video that embodies my struggle and my fight! I am combining music, still photos and video footage to speak the message that my heart still wrestles with.

My hope is to encourage the person who feels shame, disgust, frustration and discouragement when they look in the mirror. I also hope that you will come along my journey while I continue to redefine how I see myself. I'm working on rewiring my thoughts - if you are doing the same, cheers! You are not alone!

I give everything over to You Lord

"Get Out There and LIVE"

“Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present." 

 ― Richard Carlson

As most of you know, my sweet niece, Jemma Sophia, was born with a severe and complex heart defect. Finding this out has created a keen awareness of how precious and dear life is. Jemma has unknowingly taught me how to love people "better." And what I really mean by 'better' is unconditionally. To love when it isn't convenient and when it stretches me past my comfort zone. Finding out about the condition of my darling niece has changed the way I live. My perspective, the things I value, what I deem as important, how I handle my friendships, my family and my own personal life. 

I drove by the Phoenix Children's Hospital, a few days ago, knowing that my inspirational sister-in-law was caring for Jemma while she was recovery from her recent Cath procedures. I texted Stephaine to see if she needed anything while I was in the area. (It is hard to sit back and know that there isn't anything I can do, physically, to help my family in their greatest time of need.) Steph responded and let me know that they were covered and didn't need anything. So I kept on driving, only to receive this heartfelt text from Steph...

This was one of those moments where time stood still for me. It was a powerful reminder to live intentionally, boldly and to love and LIVE. Really. Truly. LIVE. As the old saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Stephanie's words graciously reminded me to stop and see the beauty in life and to always remember how blessed I am.    

It is all wonderful and dandy to be reminded of these inspiring life lessons... until I actually have to put them into practice. 

"Where the rubber meets the road!"  

I was recently confronted with an "opportunity." A chance to move past my self and my own uncomfortable feelings, to stop and assess what is really important, and to choose to love instead of holding negativity in my heart. The epitome of loving someone unconditionally.

Here is the brief, and intentionally vague, background story. I recently shared, with my boyfriend Kasey, some discomfort that I was feeling about some past situations. I was honest, really honest! I expressed how I didn't want to love or get to know these two specific people that I was having trouble with. These two people are very close to Kasey. I told him that I didn't want anything to do with them and I had no desire hearing about them. I know, I know... I am NOT making myself sound very sweet. But despite my resistance, Kasey loving heard my heart and made me feel understood. He shared how he would do whatever it takes to make my comfort his main priority. 

How did I get so lucky blessed!?    

A day later, at church, the very two people that my heart was struggling with, came into the youth building to say hello to Kasey. And it was there that I was met with the two decisions. To either hide and avoid contact with them or to remember how precious and short life is. A chance to choose love. I knew the very moment the Holy Spirit promoted me to say hello. I was in the middle of folding prayer request cards and God said, "GO!" So I dropped the things in my hand, I stood up tall and marched my way to the couple. I shook hands, hugged and honestly expressed my gratitude in meeting them.

A seemingly small feat for others, but a monumental moment for me. To willingly, with no hesitation or begrudging heart, choose to LIVE life. To not love when it is convenient for me. But to let go of the small things that can so easily entangle my heart, and instead say, "NO," to the voices of bitterness, resentment and sourness.

"If you're not going to talk about something during the last hour of your life, then don't make it a top priority during your lifetime." 

All the difficult feelings that I have been processing with Kasey haven't just gone away. They didn't just up and leave. I am still working on them. Not for Kasey, not for the couple, but because I want to love God and His children with a passionate unconditional love.

So I am continually learning the meaning of Forgiveness. Love. Acceptance. Trust. & Redemption. To be reminded of this is to be reminded of what life should really be about. The ability to, 

"Get Out There and LIVE!"

I give everything over to You Lord