ONLY

Just got home from practice with the crew, (Foot Klan), and I found out, tomorrow at 9:30 I'll be on channel 10 news. God has blessed me with a talent and I will only use the talent to glorify Him. 

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/azam/dance_break_052209

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/azam/dance_break_052209

I give everything over to You Lord

The Beat Keeps Beating

It's 4 in the morning and I've got a head ache again.

I've pursued my dreams and I haven't seen the end.

My body has never moved this much in it's life.

I've taken power in my King, my body is design for one thing.

My hands have created more then ever.

But my head beats out of pain. 

Time fly's by, and I barely make my appointments.

Glory unfolds before me and I'm shaking.

The clouds in the sky look a little more transparent. 

They are opening up before my eyes. 

Only if you saw things through the blue haze of my sight.

You'd never be the same, you'd finally start to fight.

I haven't made these steps with the power of my own two feet.

I've really got no power, if it's just me, it's just defeat.

Side by side, hand in hand, my head beats on, but I've got plans.

I've see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm running.

Although there is struggle.

It's 5 now, and my heart feels like it's bleeding. 

I'm captured by the color red that fills my head.

Impulse says you should do it, but my hands say you know better.

My heart pleads for me to do it, but my brain says, "You've known lies."

Darkness still remains but I can only see it in the distance. 

Did you hear that darkness? 

I'm too far ahead to look behind at you, although I know you still exist. 

Sometimes I let you in, a little bit to much, but your invitation is being worn out. 

I caught a good, long, hard glimpse's of the light and I haven't stopped running towards it. 

Because I see the beauty in Love. Sometimes.

Because I see the beauty in Him. Forever. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Simple Something

I believe there is a bright side to the things that hurt.

Victorian Home's make my heart melt.

I give everything over to You Lord

Yes, No, Maybe so

It started with the Pastor Jason, the youth pastors at my church. In a meeting we had Pastor Jason's words confidently spoke, "Sheena, you're gonna be on big stages preaching, bigger stages then we could imagine." I laughed and shook my head "NO!" Then, as days passed it starting sinking in and I kept pondering the thought. Myself on big stages? Talking? Preaching? WHAT?! NO!

I've been praying though, for an opportunity to share my testimony. A little reluctant I must add! I talked to one of my friends about the passion and desire I have to help people with their struggles. I can only say that, now, because I have come out of my battles, not all, but some, and I have seen the Grace, the Love, the Strength, and the provision that God blessed me with.  Something so sweet and so inspiring, that I don't want to keep it just for myself, I want to share the greatness of God.

This morning I was talking to God on my way to school, and sure enough, I told God that I want my heart softened to the idea of me being on stages bigger then I ever imagined. I asked God to use me, to mold me, and to teach me. I think, well, I'm starting to believe that I WILL be on big stages one day. Although I don't know how, or where, or why, I know I will. I need to start living it out, with confidence, or else I will drowned in my insecurities. I want to fight for that. I'm scared. But I'm willing. I'm fearful, but excited. I'm so, so excited! 

I give everything over to You Lord

I'M FAT

The comparison we've all felt. Us girls, us women. Let it slip off. Melt it away. Kill the misconceptions of how "real" women look, act, and what they believe in. Kill it now, save yourself a world of heart ache and push past this world's common thought. Prayer. I am learning, everyday, how to rip the idealistic goal of women. The pant size, the shirt size, the tan skin, the hair color, the slender perfection that women kill themselves to be. Literally kill. I've tried the no eating thing. But life isn't supposed to be lived like that. I've tried the expensive, really expensive clothes. But even expensive clothes rip. I've even been so low, I've looked at how much the cost to get plastic surgery would be. But I'm kindly reminded that money can't buy you happiness. I've struggled and beat my body to a rotten end. I'd like to give you a three step process of how I've overcome the shame of my body, the disgust that tightens my stomach when I look in the mirror, but, to be honest, I haven't overcome that. Not completely that is. I've fought a hard journey, most of it spent with just God and myself. It has been one of the toughest challenges I've faced, definitely up there, and I'm still faced with it every morning when I get up. When I go to the malls, the market, and even church. I feel like that stupid invisible girl sometimes that people pass by and ignore, I'd be dumb to have confidence. 

I can't live like that anymore though. Thankfully. It's too selfish, too painful, and too tiring. My misconceptions of how God views me, my personal thoughts, and the standards posted on billboards, magazines, and television, they all paralyze me at times. They grab, a firm grip, around my throat and try to steal the life out of me. This precious life, from me? How rude, right? I am over this ideal women, the perfect bodies, the beauty which glows only from the outside, and the fake happiness it offers. I will no longer sit and be still while I die on the inside because of my personal insecurities, doubts, and disgust. I am forcing myself to get out of the pool of self pity, and self reliance, and swim to bigger and worthier fights and destinations. I don't want to miss my mark of being a life changer because I'm starving myself to death or getting plastic surgery or focusing on myself rather then others. I'm sorry, but that is not the life I want to live. It doesn't mean I won't struggle, cry, hurt, get mad and scream, I just know that, God willing, I will push past this self centered obsession. Kingdom fights, Kingdom worth, Kingdom love. 

I give everything over to You Lord 

An Everlasting Stairwell

The brilliant breath and glimpse out the white wooden shutters, I recognize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Silence is the most delicate breeze pushing past the worthlessness you've always strayed away from. Silence. This new perspective drowns my previous pessimist outlook on life. Thankfulness is quickly becoming a common word in my miniscule vocabulary. With all sincerity, I'm thankful! I have slowly been ripped from my awkward views on people and situations, I'm actually getting this world. While in the same second that I get it, I loose it just as quick. Oh my pathetic misery. I'm learning, daily, to embrace those thought's, feelings, and situations as captivating instead of crushing. Praise and glory shine to the One who's thought's have meaning, feelings which have taught my own, and situations known which I have yet lived. Bless and honor. Continue the Grace, I'm striving to melt peacefully in Your arms. You are willing, I am fighting. There has been the pain and tears. It's crept under my skin and even ruled me at times. Times when I knew no better, knew not how things should be, and knew nothing at all. Those times. They'll come, and they'll go, we'll dance and we'll grow. This silly world gets the best of me sometimes, and I blame nothing else but our flesh, our offal, many times, pure cruelty. Flesh. There is a beautiful mess inside! Come in, we are welcoming, honest, open, and light hearted. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes! I always thought those prayers, those I prayed on a whim, were heard but would never be answered. I was so low, shallow at best, extend the grace I need, I just don't know better. Processing the intricate details of my life has been, shockingly, a wake up call. I'm wide awake now, so, I will force myself to put one foot in front of the other and demonstrate the elegance that is buried deep within. I'm shredding the former me, as well as you, and we place our fist high and release them because of sheer understanding. Tolerance is no more, and we are breaking through. The bells are ringing and we laugh it off and cry when necessary. My sincerity unfolds. You catch mine, I'll catch yours. 

I give everything over to You Lord