I find myself trying to shake the idea that I'm by myself in this world.
I am trying to force myself out of this, wreck I've fallen into. Accidently. The one that leaves you high and dry. More of the ladder rather than the former. But it continues, my days of continuous desires to sleep my, seemingly insignificant life away. Then I went to church this morning, beautifully awaking. I can't go through details right now, 12:31pm, just doesn't seem like the right time. What I do know is, that I am trying to fight. Through every trial thrown directly at my life. Me. I need to still work on me. Like always. I danced Friday night. In front of around 2 to 3 hundred people. Scary. I love the feeling I get when I'm about to walk up and perform, the one that tells me to run the other way. My feet are so firmly planted I could never actually leave. It was good, I was the only girl, battling against all, really good, guys. I was proud that I even got up there. I had nothing to lose. I guess same with life. I have nothing to lose. Saturday? I didn't work, found myself sleeping in, AGAIN. I laid out with two very sweet women, and we laughed and talked, it was needed. I had a surprise party to attend for my sisters boyfriend. It was fun. My sister-in-law Allison and I left around 9:30pm and went out with these two boys from my school. I've missed them. Haben and Ronnie. Came home at 1:34pm, we were tired. And NOW. Today's Sunday, and I'm slowly creeping back into my week. It shouldn't be to stressful, thankfully. I have not much more to say, but I want to slip out of this slump. The one that's held over my head. To be completely honest, I feel like I did something wrong, bad, and it's weighing over my shoulders. But I didn't. Not deliberately wrong. Sure I sin everyday, but it seems bigger then that. I guess I'm glad I can reassure myself I didn't do anything really wrong. I don't want to feel worse than this. I am so emotional lately, I'm not usually like this. Up and down. Up and down. What is it? I'm finding every reason to be gone. I leave without telling anyone, my parents get frustrated with me. I've been uptight. Up and down. Up and down. What is it?
I give everything over to you Lord
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