Breaking The Bondages Of Words

It is often times easier to identify the dysfunction and shortcomings of others. It can be more of a challenge to have an outside perspective on the areas in our own lives that we need to deal with. I want to give you some back story on why I am writing about this topic.

I have grown up living life as a true dreamer. I have always had big plans and dreams for my life, some of which I have been able to accomplish. And then there are other dreams and goals I am stirring in the eyes thinking to myself, "How will I ever accomplish this." In a perfect world, we would all love to have tons of supportive people that partner with us, through encouragement and resources, to help us achieve our goals and our life long dreams. Except, we all know that there will be people in our lives that will tell us, "We Can't," "That dream is to big," "You aren't able to do that," or whatever else those optimistic people have to say! If you can't tell already, I am writing from personal experience. I have encountered people throughout my life that told me, "I shouldn't," and "I am not qualified," to accomplish the things I feel God calling me to. Their words penetrated my heart and shook the very dreams I felt like I was called to achieve. I started to unravel at the thought that maybe what I felt like I am called to do is wrong. Or even worse, not honoring to God. My whole reason for living and my existence is to serve Jesus and I want nothing more then my life to be a walking example of that.

There has been a few specific things that I have been trying to find release and healing from. I have prayed, I have read the Word, and I have spoken with others that I love and trust. But I can still hear their words and the voices in my head. If I could be vulnerable for a minute, here are some of the things that run through my mind:

I am unqualified
I am not educated enough
I am not important
I am not pretty enough (May sound lame, but that thought is there)
I couldn't possibly be used to change the world I live in

Sad right? That I would hear these haunting voices over and over and over again, ringing in my head. But I wasn't done giving these thoughts to God. I wanted to be free. Since Jesus is so faithful to hear our hearts and knowing what we need, He opened up a very unexpected opportunity for me to continue to find healing. I had the chance to speak with one of the pastors at my church about the things that people have told me. He walked me through different steps, asking me questions, seeking answers from God, and at the end of it, I walked away surprised about the outcome. My pastor asked me this, "Who is telling you these lies." I stopped and thought about it. My responds was this... "Me." I could have given credit to the devil and blamed him for letting these thoughts creep in my mind, but he doesn't have that kind of control over my thought life. I will not give him the power to speak lies and words that destroy what God is calling me to.

I have been the one feeding the lies. Fueling them. I haven't spent enough time taking all my thoughts captive. Just because someone said something to me once doesn't mean I have to keep it on repeat for the rest of my life. Please don't misunderstand me though, I am not saying dismiss the hurt or the damage that can be caused by other peoples words. I am simply saying that in my situation, I need to stop focusing on what everyone else has said and focused on the truth. And the truth is this...  I am called.

There is a huge difference between being "qualified" and being called. In the Bible God used people that, from the outside, seemed totally unqualified. He used the young boy, David, to defeat a giant. He used a young peasant girl, Mary, to give birth to the Son of God. God used Jephthah, the son of a prostitute, to deliver the Israel from the Ammonites. Those three people alone seem the least bit equipped to tackle such honorable things in life. God wasn't looking for who was qualified, instead, it had everything to do with who He had called. I may not be called to the great things that David, Mary, and Jephthah were called to, but I do know that God is calling me to change the world in which I live. I don't know what the rest of my journey looks like, but I am learning to take my thoughts captive, to trust in Jesus, and to serve and go wherever He calls me to. Because I am called.

I give everything over to You Lord