I have nothing to lose

I can't promise I wont be scared, and I can't promise I wont fear for the future. But this is a moment in my life when I'm trying to grow bigger and better. Did you catch that?? Trying? I am going to try and open doors I have shut, locked, bolted, and welded closed. It's okay to be vulnerable, however that may look. I am understanding that it is completely acceptable to trust, I am starting to look forward to it. Who would have thought! I know it is very possible for someone to break my trust, I do it daily I'm sure, but the fear is not over righting the future. I feel as though an old layer fell off my body and shattered on the floor. Relief. Thank you. I am very content in my life, not settled, content. As soon as I finish writing this I know God will be like, well then I will test your strength on how much you actually trust. He has a sense of humor like that! I am so willing, never to fall but to climb my way to the top of this invisible latter. By all means, I don’t mean that in a selfish way. I don't feel that this is unobtainable. To trust and be trusted. To share those things I have grasped to tightly. Although I have never ran a marathon, I think it would feel something like I feel now, accomplishment. I feel like I'm jumping in life with two feet forward, cliché, I know. Isn't it funny what a little peace can do, or should I say, God. I'm embracing every ounce of what I feel right now, even though I would probably crash if my head hit my pillow. I don't want to keep the past so close to my future. I want to keep everything I have experienced as a past experience not as something I base my future on. I will still struggle with letting go of bad feelings but I am ready to start choosing better ones... Feelings. Better feelings.
You don't know how good that sounds to me.