Embark. I dare you.

My thoughts and my anxieties drift into a tired, worn, beat down me, and I feel like my fist's can't take another punch. I am so out of control and it is so comforting, but I am also scared out of my mind. I take two steps forward and 100 steps back. I eventually have to give into something right? Either my "wants" need to face reality, or my prayers need to be more constant. Maybe I need both. I truly believe that I need to stop focusing on everyone around me, and how it's effecting me, and seriously dig down to the root issues that lye underneath. I need to focus on killing my flesh. I feel convicted in a lot of ways and I need to swallow some truth and look at the reflection in the mirror. I need to dust off myself, from when I fell, and I need to pick up a fresh start.. and really start over. I need to make changes, and I am in the process of making them. I need to not be afraid to stare loneliness in the face and to watch and see that God will take care of me. Everyone was built to have human contact and human intimacy, sometimes I feel like that applies to everyone but me. I need to stop planning my life basing everything on how the next 10 years of my life needs to look like. Or how I want it to look like. I am going through so much, and I feel like my life is in a chaotic uproot and I am stepping in cracks continuously. I feel like I can be easily broken and hurt by people, I feel vulnerable and helpless, pathetic and weak. I am dealing with so much and I am fighting for what God wants. It's just hard to fight, though, when you have no idea what's up ahead.

I give everything to You Lord