Just A Messy Mix Up

There has been a lot of commotion in my life and every area is somehow stirred up and unsettled. God always loves giving me reminders that He is in complete control, but with me, He likes to show me that He's in complete control of EVERY area of my life. Right now, I'm patiently waiting to here back from ASU (Arizona State University) and scared about what a new school holds for me. Where I lead youth at my church we were asked the tough question of either going to summer camp this year or not, due to the lack of economic stability. Summer camp may put pressure on the parents to provide their children with the money, so we had some tough decisions to work through. If we don't go, I don't have to prepare any art work, but if we do, I will have to finish within 6 weeks. (A lot harder then it sounds). My best friend and I are fighting for our love relationships with the Lord and fighting to see where God leads us. Everyday we both fight for peace in our situations and understanding for the future. Things have chilled out a little with my dad, I guess, and I'm just waiting to see how much effort he puts in to this "New Journey". Those things are mostly what consume my life, and they are somehow all up in the air so you can probably tell why everything seems a bit unstable. 

Some day's I'm just so emotionally drained, feeling like I've got nothing left to give or to feel, and then I learn more about feelings and Christ and I realize my journey has really only started now. This topic of emotions and feelings has been the biggest topic in my life for the past 4 months or so, and I have yet to write about it. Partly because I didn't realize, myself, that I had been working through this and learning more about it. My eyes are seriously opened daily, to things I've only felt but never understood. I always thought I was crazy for having so many emotions, but, come to find out there are a few more women I know who have felt the same way. I was told while growing up that I was to emotional and way to sensitive. Really, I was just being degraded from the God given emotions I was blessed with. After a few long conversations with people I respect very highly, I know that my feelings and emotions DO, indeed, have importance, value, worth, acceptance, and purpose. That is an amazing concept to come to terms with. If I had not started my process of understanding that my emotions are of high esteem, then I would merely be shut down to the world and not be able to live a free life the way Jesus Christ died for it to be. My thoughts are so jumbled and my emotions are kind of running loose right now because I've just been working through so much stuff. It's unbelievable to think that I have just scratched the surface of this new outlook on life. I'm encouraged and challenged and scared but empowered. I am learning to fall more in love with Christ each day.

I give everything over to You Lord