Family First

I don't know if your journey is anything like mine... But if it is then you may be able to relate to this post.

I've always believed family first - As in, my parents, siblings and in-law's. I love family, appreciate family and would not be where I am if it wasn't for my family. Family is a beautiful thing. Although I have always placed such a high importance on my immediately, I have never desired a family of my own. Like husband and kids kinda stuff! I suppose I could dig deeper into, "Why"and I'm sure I'd find that I have always been sort of scared to start a family. Knowing the kind of deep love I'd pour into the relationship with my husband, while being fully aware that I'll be deeply hurt at times. So I almost buried the desire to even let myself feel, or desire, or pursue a relationship that would eventually turn into a family. Until last year, I started dating a guy from my church, we grew up in the same youth group together and we eventually fell in love and got engaged. Romantic huh? Well, somehow my life is full of surprises and our relationship got to a place where I had to make some really hard, life changing decisions. Needless to say, I'm not engaged. I've been postponing the day I write about it because I knew that once I did, it would be real. That there would be no hope for me to start a family with him. Or at this point, anyone. While that time in my life has been one of the hardest times I've faced, there has been so many positives that have come from the relationship. During the process of being in that relationship, God did something amazing. Something that I thought I'd never feel. Something I thought I'd never desire. I, for the VERY first time, have a deep longing and desire to have a family of my own. While to some this is a normal desire, even from a young age, I've never felt this before. I feel excitement for the first time to really become one with someone. I find myself even hesitating while I write this because I am asking myself, "Are you sure you really desire a husband and kids?" While simultaneously I am fully confident that God has truly softened my heart. I want a family. Tears well in my eyes even picturing the beauty of my "One day!" I sit here thrilled even picturing my very own family.

My life and the journey I've walked, hasn't been easy, but it truly has been amazing. Sincerely, I wouldn't trade a moment of the pain I've been through. Because in those times I have been refined. And for that, I am humbled and eternally grateful.

And this is what I feel like the best part of this whole epiphany is. Although I finally realize my desire for a husband and kids I am not waiting until I am married to pursue all the things that God has for me. That may sound really logical, but, I know so many people who feel like their life doesn't start until after they're married. I am thankful to say that with or without a husband I know God has called me to some very specific things that I need to accomplish in my life, regardless of my relationship status. That is so freeing! Because I don't feel the need to "wait around" for someone to come along and sweep me off my feet. Rather, I want to be running towards everything I am called to pursue and then find someone who will run alongside me. With passion, drive, goals, and a desire to also start a family.

Rebuilding from Broken Pieces

Here is my latest vlog post. I wanted to spend some time talking about how my life looks right now and how I am rebuilding different areas that fell apart. Hoping to take the broken pieces and rebuild something beautiful. I am humbled by how much God has taught me, and how He has truly had my best interest in mind.
Even if I think I thought I knew what the "best" plan was... He always knows better!

My journey is not my own, but I am privileged to be the one who gets to live it out.
I wouldn't trade the pain and the confusion for anything else, because I have become more secure with who I am now, more than ever. Looking forward to the beautiful blessings ahead.

OBEDIENCE ALWAYS PROCEEDS BLESSING

I give everything to You Lord 

The Art Of Transparency

I decided to put together some footage of times I filmed myself when I was really vulnerable. I have been going through some difficult times in life and instead of shrinking back, I really wanted to speak up. I wanted to express that going through hardships in life isn't easy and often times it makes you question things. & That's okay! But I have been trying to find the beauty in the midst of pain. I hope to inspire you to be honest and transparent in your own life. As hard as it is, there is so much freedom that comes with being open!

I'd love to hear your feedback, questions, or similar situations that you're facing. Post a comment below so I can hear from you! 

I give everything to You Lord 

Painfully Beautiful

Its been a journey... 

An up and down, winding round kinda process. This life. My life. 

Through this post I will try to remain completely vulnerable and open to the honest truth about where my life currently stands and the craziness that encompasses it! Some days I want to laugh because my life always goes in a different direction then I thought it would. Then there are other days that I struggle to stay motivated and positive. These next 4 months of my life were supposed to look so different then they are turning out to be. These months were suppose to be a time of joy and celebration, a totally new chapter and season of my life. Well, lets just say that I am definitely in a new chapter and season of life, except it's just not the one I planned on. It's not bad, just really different. Through this really hard time I've been facing, I have seen a lot of blessings. Blessings I totally could have overlooked, but instead I now get to enjoy. There has been people in my life that have shared a word of encouragement and truth at just the right time. It fills my soul. When my life seemed to be falling apart and when I felt like I was the only one who's heart has ached this bad... I know I am not alone. I am NOT alone! It is beautiful. Simply beautiful.

So as I daily face this new and often times difficult process, I try to keep my head up, so I don't miss what is going on in the world around. I feel as though this stage in my life, this very stepping stone, is something I need to walk through in order to get where I need to go in my future. My motto has been, "Stay faithful in the small and expectant for the big." This short phrase encapsulates my outlook on life. I try my best to remain consistent and faithful in the everyday things I do and the relationships I am involved in. In hopes of not overlooking what is right in front of me. Instead making sure I am focusing on doing my everyday life well, while other doors are opened in the process.

I don't think I have questioned so many things in my life as I have these past few months. I have almost questioned everything. It has been a painfully beautiful journey. Because through this time, I have become more secure in what I believe and the things I stand for. In the midst of me questioning my life and the world around me, I have found answers, not to everything I long to understand, but enough answers to know that I am on the right path, I am heading in the right direction.

I truly love and desire to inspire and impact the people I come in contact with. I desire to share my life, with honesty, in hopes of connecting with others on a very authentic level. I want to meet people where they are at in life. Not to be critical or judgmental, but to give others the freedom to be transparent with their life. In the pain and in the beauty.

You are free to struggle, to question and to want to give up. It doesn't make you any less of who you are called to be. It is simply just a reminder that you aren't finished growing and being refined. You are brilliant.

I give everything to You Lord

Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

I have a passion that has been set on fire, a calling that is great, and a heart of expectancy! I dance in the midst of pain, and in the presence of joy. I smile not because of my circumstances but in-spite of my circumstances. This girl is on fire... even when I feel like my flame is going dim.

I give everything to You Lord

I Will Not Grow Weary

I finally feel like someone understands how much I manage to fit in my schedule!
  "Its not how much you do for God, it's about how much you don't do" {Christine Caine}

I watched this video and had to laugh! If you know me well, you'll know that my schedule is packed full with all sorts of things. Places to go and people to see! I usually have something planned every single day. I've gotten several different responds about everything I take on in life. Everything from, "I think you do to much," or, "I don't understand how to you do everything that you do," and even, "Maybe you shouldn't do so much." It is awesome to know that I have people in my life that are willing to look out for me and my health! I'm blessed to have friends to keep me in check!

It wasn't until I heard Christine Caine's short message that made me realize, it's not necessarily what I do, but rather, how much time I am spending time with God, making sure I'm getting, "filled back up!" The verse in Isaiah that Christine quotes is a perfect example of how I want to live.

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31  

"Whatever I do, whether in word or deed, I will do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." - Colossians 3:17

 

So, instead of lightening my load or altogether illuminating being busy, I am going to make sure I am working on focusing on Jesus, so that He will sustain me through life. I will do everything for the glory of God and not grow wearing because I will hope in Him.

I give everything over to You Lord

Trials Produce Steadfastness

I have noticed some people become shocked when they realize that being in a relationship with God doesn't mean life all of a sudden becomes effortless. I was reading this verse when I got to work and it really reminded me of the power in trials. There is ACTUALLY a purpose for trials?! Crazy, I know!

James 1:2-4 
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

God is asking us to count it all as joy when we face various trials! I can only speak for myself, but that totally goes against the grain and natural reaction I have when a trail comes up in my life. It usually doesn't feel comfortable. It feels like a stretching of my faith, trust and reliance on God. I looked up the definition of steadfastness so that I could understand the verse more and found that steadfastness is: Loyalty in the face of trouble and difficulty. I truly believe that God wants my loyalty in the face of adversity. That way He knows and I know that no matter what comes up in my life, or how hard things get, my loyalty is to Him and I will forever put Him first and serve Him. 

I find that trials are a good way of refining my character and perfecting my faith. You know how people say, "This will show their true colors!" That is how I feel about trials. It is a good meter to gauge where your attitude is at, and if your reliance isn't on God it will most likely come to the surface. I notice that God really grabs a hold of my attention when I am facing something difficult or feeling like I am getting tossed around by the things of the world.

Although it doesn't make trials any easier, there is some comfort knowing that God wants my faith to be perfected so that I am lacking nothing in my life. The goal isn't to avoid trials, it's to stay faithful to God throughout trials!

 
If you feel like you are just going through it - rest assured, you are fighting a worthy fight, you are running the race marked out for you and you are called an overcomer and a conqueror. So live like it! Hold your head up! You are doing a great job!

I give everything over to You Lord