HELP ME

I am very aware that I haven't written in 9 days! I think the emotional roller coster of life has been ripping on my confidence and I feel like I've been dragging 10 pound weights behind me. I am certain, that the build up emotion I have been feeling toward my dad is where it started. Then, I have friends at school, who cry to me because their boyfriends cheated on them, their parents are a reck, and to top it off, they don't know God. Mixture for disaster. You have do understand, that I love people opening up and sharing their heart with me, and I will, every time, be sincere about caring for them. I think the battle comes into play when I have unexplainable feelings that I have not been able to reales. Juggling the two is a talent, to feel for others, without burdening myself with everything they are faced with. I have missed writing to be honest, but I haven't found the enjoyment it putting together my thoughts. My mind is a puzzle and all the pieces seem to only fit the edges, there is nothing filling it the blanks and connecting one side to the other. It's frustrating. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am tired of doing life on my own. Please, before making any assumptions, let me explain what that personally means to me. You can eliminate the idea that I want a "man" or a boyfriend to do life with. Because, to put it into prospective for you, I am to hurt by a lot of men, to even start a fling, one night stand, serious relationship, or anything for that matter. I couldn't even say I want more girlfriends in my life, because I can really only handle a few girls and the emotion involved with that. So what is it? It must be more then just desiring a companion to accompany me to the grocery store. Or baking with me on the weekends. Right? I have so much passion for school right now, although draining and sometimes not the most enjoyable thing, I have finally be thrilled to achieve my goals in school... And, it feels great! Maybe, what's left, then, is the sheer fact that something is missing with my relationship with God. Of course, all of the ego and pride that's in me want's to say, "No, there's nothing missing." But I can reassure you, that I'd be lying. It has to be something God is wanting to teach. Maybe I just need to let go of my tightly gripped fingers and just let God take control. You may laugh when you think about that, that I can "let" God take control, but I am being ignorant when I say that. I actually mean I need to reassure myself with knowing God has control, and yes, He will do what He pleases, I just need to worry less. I feel as though God will continue to take things away from me, because so many things have been taking from me recently. I don't want to get to a state where I am holding what I do have, at arms reach. So what then? Do I need to read my Bible more? Yes. Do I need to get on my knees daily and say, "HELP ME GOD." Yes. What else then? I don't know, I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I should just start with what I do know. Reading my Bible more, and just fall to my knees daily to pray, "HELP ME GOD... HELP ME." 

I give everything over to you Lord