By the time I have reached my own blog, to write, I have checked up and read 18 other blogs. Where by, I have almost lost all interest in writing and feel more emotionally drained then before I started my daily blog and tumblr check ups. Now, the average person might say, "Don't read 18 other blogs and tumblr's if you feel so drained and tired." Smart idea, but, although draining and sometimes over whelming it is also a source of inspiration to me where I can learn how other "non professional" writer... write! It is a bonus that I can actually learn more about people that are close to me. So, now, reaching my own blog to write my thoughts down, I marveled at how many girls are writing about their fathers. Unfortunately, not in a positive way but more in a way that they would never be able to look their dad's in the eye's and say what they actually felt. It is sad and disappointing to think that there is really no more "Daddies little girls" left in this world over the age of 5. Not only are these girls able to write about their feelings but they actual understand the roll their dad SHOULD be playing in their lives.
I've talked to a girl who said, "I just thought it was the usual dad trying to connect to the daughter thing, I was raised this way. Not to open up to each other."
Or how about another brilliant and beautiful girl who wrote, "Ohh and I bet you take pride in your family. Pride in your “work ethic” You are pathetic. Your power-trips are almost worth hysteria. You are the heaviest thing I have ever had to carry. Your voice raises my blood pressure."
Even a 13 year old girl said, "My dad thinks he knows best but he's just a jerk to my mom and he's always grumpy. He even got annoyed because I was climbing a tree the other day."
Now, how about this girl who said, "I sometimes forget all about him, but then there is the times when i need him & i wonder why my father is such a nut job, & why things dont register in his mind like they should. i needed his help. get it together. pick up the pieces. put your wife’s heart back together. fix your relationships with your children."
And something I wrote back in November saying, "Who do I share my life with, other than the four walls that make up my room? Who will feel that weight of my tears, as my pillow has for years? I no longer need that "man" they call "dad." No! I'm growing out of his chains of captivity. I am set free. Please, understand, that I still have the blood dripping, tear jerking, heart breaking feelings, scares, wounds, scabs, bruises, and cuts that were cause by this man... boy."
That is how these fathers are effecting their daughters. I guess it can be the us girls fault though, lacking experience in life and maybe we are hormonal and just don't quite understand what we are feeling. But, on the flip side, just from those small clips of writings I would say that if anyone looks us girls in the eyes and says we do NOT understand what we are feeling, I believe that those people just simply don't understand it themselves. See, we are not ignorant and think that our daddies should be perfect, no it's quite the opposite. We are solely looking for a father that is willing to try their hardest to work for a relationship with us. To not get mad at us for feeling angry towards them, but to sit back and let us feel our feelings and actually see our fathers put forth effort to heal these wounds. To many times though, I have watched fathers sitting in front of the TV instead of their Bible. Us girls, well, we know very well that when things aren't right at the house, it's because things aren't right with daddy and God. Cause you can toss the dice how you will, and play the chance card, but you will never have a stable house if it is not founded on a soled foundation of God's love, God's grace, His word, forgiveness, mercy, strength, and power. Maybe I haven't seen walls of a house crash to the ground, but I have seen mothers and daughters and sons spirits buried alive because of the pain of the "Man of the house," if that's what they call him. I have prayed multiple times that I will not hold my pain against my dad, I want forgiveness therefor I want should first demon-straight forgiveness. Believe me, I say it like I've been trying, but to be honest I have no motivation because I see no worth in it. I have also prayed that any man I start a relationship with will not bear my pain I have felt from my dad because I don't want to drag an innocent by stander down with me. So I can continue to write down things I have been feeling about dad's but I think the point is understood, so I remind myself once again that, "Daddy on earth is not as good as Daddy in Heaven."
I give everything over to You Lord
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