Hello 2014

As I say "Goodbye" to 2013, I am left with more than distant memories. I am proud to say that I am able to take away several important lessons that will last me a lifetime.

This past year (2013) has been a defining year in my life. With so many changes and difficult decisions that I had to process through, I am leaving this year with a new appreciation for life. A new appreciation for my relationship with God, a new appreciation for family, friends, finances, work, church, and my relationship with my sweet boyfriend, Kasey.

This year, God was faithful to refine me. He showed me the areas of weakness in my life, He showed me that I am truly willing to give up anything to serve Him with my whole heart and He helped me grow a little more comfortable and confident in my own skin. This year was one of the most challenging seasons I've walked through. But I would walk through it again if it meant that I could fall more in love with my Savior.

This past year has felt like a launching pad for the greatness that God is going to do in 2014. A launching pad for the new adventures I'll take, the new people I'll meet, the new beginnings I'll create.

In 2013, there were a few areas in my life that I decided that I wanted to fight in order to see something beautiful be created. I decided that I didn't want any broken friendships in my life. I made a stand to mend any awkward or off-ish relationships I had. So I did. I put myself out there and built friendships with certain girls that I had previously disregarded. Instead of keeping them at arms distance, I embraced them with an authentic love, and forced myself into uncomfortable situations in order to mend the brokenness that, I felt, lingered between them and myself. I am thrilled to say, they embraced me back and I stand on good terms with them now. My desire is to be someone who people feel like they can run to in a time of need or if they are desperate for comfort. That is what sparked the whole thought in the first place. I am pleased to see those friendships made whole.

2013 has also birthed within me a new vision and inspiration for my future plans with work and with ministry. I couldn't be more excited to embark on a new journey! I decided that I wanted to start my own business and become my own boss. A scary, overwhelming and daunting project and I have no idea how I am going to accomplish it. But I am determined to go after the things I want in life, and my own business is definitely something I am excited to start.

Another vision that has caught fire in my heart is my long time dream of developing and running an urban art street ministry. I have had this dream for several years. I have dreamt of creating a place of refuge for the lost and forgotten. A place for lower socioeconomic youth and young adults to come as they are and leave filled up with a new passion for life. I have been blessed with the honor of having a boyfriend who is just as passionate as I am about loving people. Kasey understands it. He gets the vision and the dream, and has the leadership qualities to accomplish it. I couldn't be more excited to partner with the most breath-taking person I know. We are starting small and working our way, slowly, to our goal. Kasey and I have started saving money, we meet up and work on programming and our mission and vision. I know the hard work, late nights and dedication that it will take to make our dreams a reality, but I am as ready as I'll ever be.

There are so many areas in my life that I am excited to see develop into something beautiful. 

Here is my thoughts for 2014... 

I am excited to deepen my relationship with God and I am ready to build deeper relationships with those around me. 2014, I will fight every battle that arises. I will seek out the areas in my life that I want to improve and actually do something about them. My desire is to learn to love Kasey in a greater way, as we continue to build a dynamic friendship. I will spend time with family, try new foods, go to new places, make mistakes, learn from my mistakes, become a more equipped youth leader, friend, daughter, sister, cousin, niece, girlfriend and aunt. This year, 2014, will be a year of new beginnings and new milestones. Cheers to a brilliant and happy NEW YEAR! 

I give everything over to You Lord

Daydreamer At Heart

There is nothing more enticing then my daydreams of traveling the world! Oh the idea of sipping coffee while walking through the brick-lined alleyways of Italy, or roaming the aisle's of the largest bookstore {Powells Book's} in Portland, Oregon. The inspiring thoughts of being a nomad and wondering, experiencing, and taking new adventures is so tempting to the free-spirited side of my soul! The romanticized view of my fantasies and my wishful thinking leave little room for reality and practicality! I suppose it wouldn't be such a charming daydream if I allowed logistics to ruin my minds unrestricted wondering! And let me tell you, recently, I have been practicing my wondering skills!

The realistic side of my daydreams always bring me back to earth. And it's back in reality that I remember how expensive traveling is (!), and how much preparation and time it takes to plan seemingly spontaneous getaways! While I understand the practical side of taking trips and seeing the world, I don't want to discount my desires altogether. I want channel it. To focus on ways that I can experience traveling and ways in which I can see the world, even if it's on a small scale.

For me, my dreams look like traveling and seeing the world. For you it might be something totally different. Your dreams may include a promotion at work or getting married and starting a family. Whatever your dream is, figure out how you can channel it. If your dream isn't being fulfilled right now, in this moment, sit down and really contemplate some of the small (maybe even practical) steps you can take. It could look like spending extra time learning about your business in order to be prepared and ready for if/when a promotion comes. Or it could look like learning how to trust God in a greater way, believing that He will bring a compatible partner when He sees fit.

Even if you have to start small, really, really small... It's okay! As cliche as this may sound, don't give up on your dreams. Continue a tireless pursuit to see them be fulfilled. Make your plans but let God order your steps!

I give everything over to You Lord

Standing Still & Waiting

At one point I stood still in the crowd at the Hillsong concert, I just attended. I could literally feel the excitement run through my blood stream. My dreams and visions flashed before me. The art, design, music, and lights on the stage set fueled even more thoughts and ideas within me. My passion was met with a flood of inspiration. I am trying to find a beautiful balance between staying consistent with what is in front of me while also looking ahead to what doors are opening in the future. I often feel antsy with where I am in life. There is this undeniable urge for adventure. To experience something new and to see the world around me. This whole post may sound cliché, but I have been feeling like I want to start and build and pursue my dreams. I have an itch to encounter something unfamiliar, something new and uncertain. I feel like there is something awaiting me that is just around the corner, but I am blind to what it is. I have no idea what the next season of life looks like, but I have tons of things stirring inside me.

While I am ready to embark on the next journey that is ahead of me, I have noticed that some of my thoughts have been making me feel a little "tied down." I want to start an Urban Art Center, I want to reach the lost and broken people, I want to dance again, I want to travel to different states or different countries, but I can't help but feel a little less excited knowing I will be doing it on my own. I so desperately want my best friend to do all of these things with me. & When I say "best friend" I really mean husband. I just want to collide ideas with someone who is just as passionate and thrilled about living this life intentionally and having fun along the way. I am not the kind of girl to "wait around" for a guy (as I mentioned in my previous post), but I can't help but feel a desire to work hand in hand with my best friend and to do each life adventure together.

Nevertheless, I know that there is a flood gate of opportunities that lay before me that always remind me to refer back to my life motto. "Faithful in the small, expectant for the big." I value consistency in others as I also try to remain a person of consistency. I am attempting to do this by being consistent in everything that is currently in front of me. The ministry opportunities I have, the friends I have, the family I have, the job I have, the dance community I know, the personal growth I am encountering, and the Biblical and speaking training I am receiving, to name a few! I have been prayerfully trying to figure out the "next step" in my future. If I think to long about it I get all confused and anxious, so I am always learning how to let go and let God take the lead.

I give everything to You Lord

Confront Healing

"You Can't Heal What You Refuse To Confront"

When you are walking through different life situations, such as, relationally, spiritually or personally, you are going to face "something," right? Whatever the "something" may be will depend on the situation faced and the person handling it. The "something" may be hurt, confusion, disappointment, neglect, anger or sadness. Whatever it ends up being, at one point in life you will face a memorable hardship that will take time and energy to shake it from your heart and mind with the goal of eventually finding complete healing from it. Although, confrontation with the goal of healing will allow you to withstand hardships and the pain you may go through in order to be restored.

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

I have found that trying to run from the pain and hard issues in life never produce as much learning and growth as facing the problems and conflicts that arise. Ignoring the pain or living out of fear of being hurt will hinder your full potential of living. The same goes for bitterness and resentment, holding all of that inside will only hurt you, not the other person. I am really believing for this generation and generations to come to have the ability to stand up and face the issues in their life. To avoid the ease of being a society that try's to patch up and mask what's really going on in life and to simply deal with it. 
 

Forgiveness doesn't change the past, although it give a hope for the future.

I read a quote that said, "If you're lucky enough to get a second change, don't waste it." Although I understand what this quote is implying, I find that it takes away the true magnitude of Grace that God extends to us. If I could reword the quote, I'd say, "Every day you wake up is already a second chance, if you are living to God it will never be a waist."

"Do not let projections of the past or future affect the present." But, be willing to let go of the life you have planned for yourself and surrender it completely to the life that is awaiting you, according to Gods plan.
You have permission to feel angry, hurt, confused, upset, delighted, joyful or all of the above or none of the above. You have permission to feel however you feel. Your feelings are valid, understandable and they are important enough to process through them. So take the time to confront what you are experiencing so you can move on with a healed and whole perspective about life and about people. Often times people feel like that have to just hurry up and get over issues. I have found that to be a really damaging position to place yourself in. Because if you don't get down to the heart of what has happened to you or the situations your facing it is bound to surface again your life. "Confront the situations in your life, don't ignore them, so that you can remember what it has taught you and leave behind the hurt that it has caused you."


"It is better to be hurt by the truth than to be comforted by a lie." Because, while numbing the pain might feel good for awhile, it will only make it worse when you finally feel everything you have been avoiding. Remember that it is okay to change your mind about things you once thought you never would. Because if you are truly following God's plan for your life, He may have you go a different direction than you once thought you were headed.

If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough! So dream. Dream passionate, daring, outrageous, huge, inspiring, world changing dreams. If you believe in the dream you will actually be able to accomplish it.

I give everything over to You Lord