Who's Without Sin

"let he who is without sin, cast the first stone"

"that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ"

"And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless."

"According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love"

I give everything over to you lord

A Wish You'd Never Want

She's letting the sun go down on this night

She was supposed to be married tying the knot securely tight.

She would have looked beautiful in her white wedding gown

While she walked down the aisle wiping away every frown. 

Their first kiss as husband and wife

Well, actually she's still living the single life.

Because tonight she's falling asleep with no one by her side

There is nothing left to shed, no more tears to cry.

It would have been a year or so since they had been together

He missed out on the most adorable girl ever.

There was a different guy who held her hand tonight

He took awhile her fear and he gave her good insight.

While she stay's strong with the Lord by her side

He walks the wobbly road lined with pitch forks and knives. 

She rests knowing her family is the glue that keeps her together

There is no "for worse," there is only "for better!"

I give everything over to You Lord

Is Chivalry Dead?

Is It? Really, is chivalry dead? Good question! I couldn't give you statistics or graphs, showing the actual level of chivalry left in the world. I could simply give you my personal opinion. Well, take a deep breath and here we go! The literal definition of chivalry is, "courteous behavior, esp. that of a man toward women." So I ask myself again, is chivalry dead? Think, when's the last time a man has held a door open for you, or stood up and gave you his seat. How about helping you put your groceries in the car, at random? Or, what about a man stopping what he's doing to just ask how your day it going, but you can actually tell his sincerity? This is excluding spouses, boyfriends, and family members. I am not going to sit here and make false accusations at men, by saying, "There is no good men out in the world." I can open your eyes, though, to the men around you, the men that make up our world. So I ask you again, when's the last time a men has held the door open for you? I made a comment to my friend Michael S. tonight, and said, "Can you and Bria not even be civil though? How does this correlate? Well, the definition of civil is, "courteous and polite." I can honestly say that I've tried my best to make thing's right with the people in my life. But what happens, then, if the person won't let it go, talks behind your back, and can't even have chivalry or be civil toward you? It's disappointing when the person you were falling in love with is now someone who resents you. I have made mistakes, I have tried to paid my dues, but please, don't hold my flesh against me. I'm working on it, and I've actually grown up, but you wouldn't know because you don't take a chance to ask. Then again, it doesn't sound like you'd care. Sad. And. I'm sorry you feel this bitter, this anger, this hurt, this rejection, this pain, this insecurity. Gosh, you wouldn't even know how sorry I really am. If I could do life over, I'd keep you. I know that sounds harsh, and insensitive and prideful, and, and, and, I don't mean it in that way. What I'm trying to say is, well, that I miss you, and your loved by me still, and although you will probably never accept that, it's true. 

I give everything over to you Lord

HELP ME

I am very aware that I haven't written in 9 days! I think the emotional roller coster of life has been ripping on my confidence and I feel like I've been dragging 10 pound weights behind me. I am certain, that the build up emotion I have been feeling toward my dad is where it started. Then, I have friends at school, who cry to me because their boyfriends cheated on them, their parents are a reck, and to top it off, they don't know God. Mixture for disaster. You have do understand, that I love people opening up and sharing their heart with me, and I will, every time, be sincere about caring for them. I think the battle comes into play when I have unexplainable feelings that I have not been able to reales. Juggling the two is a talent, to feel for others, without burdening myself with everything they are faced with. I have missed writing to be honest, but I haven't found the enjoyment it putting together my thoughts. My mind is a puzzle and all the pieces seem to only fit the edges, there is nothing filling it the blanks and connecting one side to the other. It's frustrating. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am tired of doing life on my own. Please, before making any assumptions, let me explain what that personally means to me. You can eliminate the idea that I want a "man" or a boyfriend to do life with. Because, to put it into prospective for you, I am to hurt by a lot of men, to even start a fling, one night stand, serious relationship, or anything for that matter. I couldn't even say I want more girlfriends in my life, because I can really only handle a few girls and the emotion involved with that. So what is it? It must be more then just desiring a companion to accompany me to the grocery store. Or baking with me on the weekends. Right? I have so much passion for school right now, although draining and sometimes not the most enjoyable thing, I have finally be thrilled to achieve my goals in school... And, it feels great! Maybe, what's left, then, is the sheer fact that something is missing with my relationship with God. Of course, all of the ego and pride that's in me want's to say, "No, there's nothing missing." But I can reassure you, that I'd be lying. It has to be something God is wanting to teach. Maybe I just need to let go of my tightly gripped fingers and just let God take control. You may laugh when you think about that, that I can "let" God take control, but I am being ignorant when I say that. I actually mean I need to reassure myself with knowing God has control, and yes, He will do what He pleases, I just need to worry less. I feel as though God will continue to take things away from me, because so many things have been taking from me recently. I don't want to get to a state where I am holding what I do have, at arms reach. So what then? Do I need to read my Bible more? Yes. Do I need to get on my knees daily and say, "HELP ME GOD." Yes. What else then? I don't know, I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I should just start with what I do know. Reading my Bible more, and just fall to my knees daily to pray, "HELP ME GOD... HELP ME." 

I give everything over to you Lord

The Simple Side

The semester is nearing an end, and I am so extremely excited. I haven't really been finding myself excited about much, until yesterday, I got pleasant news from an advisor at SCC (My college) and she said I didn't need any more math classes! EVER!!! I was so thrilled, I walked out with a big smile! As I began checkin off required classes for my degree in Graphic Design, I was even more thrilled to find out that, I, in fact, have competed more classes than expected! I have done my required amount of English, Math, Social and Behavioral Sciences, Humanities and Fine Arts, and Oral Communication! All I have left, is my Natural Science class, which I'm taking the spring of 09, and then the rest of art classes! Which is about 21 Art classes I can take at SCC, before I move onto ASU. I am taking 4 art classes including my Environmental Biology class next semester, so I will be done at SCC in about a year and a semester!!!!! I feel very proud for the first time, that I have been able to push through something I have dreaded most of my life. Books, tests, quizzes, new classes, new professors, 100,000,000 things I really never had a desire to learn, and now look, I'm one step closer to being done! I am so excited and I am SO THRILLED! I will be about 23 or 24 when I graduate, but I feel like I have really taken ownership of my life and my goals. No encouragement from boyfriends, nothing from my dad, and really the only encouragement I got was from God, from Brittany, from my sister, and occasionally my mom. I'm doing it. And... all though things still sorta suck in my family, I'm succeeding in many things still! I am proud! I'm not boosting, just sharing my excitement. Who would have thought, I would actually be excited about school!! Wow! 

I give everything over to You Lord

Lacking Nothing

To be honest, I'm working through life, so the lack of writing comes from the lack of motivation and the lack of energy. The lack of time, and the lack of excitement. 

I apologize. 

I give everything over to You Lord

EMO

I have been so emotionally draied, so sick and tired, so FED UP with everything dealing with emotions. I have no desire, nothing inside of me, that would remotely want to tap into more of how I'm FEELING. When I feel, when I learn that my emotion's have significance and value, I learn more, that they are not appreciated, they seem worthless, and they aren't encouraged in the slightest bit. No, there is very few people who know my passion, my capibility, my thoughs, and my emotions. The reason being, there are very few people who even take the time, or can even relate to my emotions. I don't even feel safe or comfortable, valued or appreciated in my own home. MY OWN HOME.
I give everything over to You Lord