The Art Of Transparency

I decided to put together some footage of times I filmed myself when I was really vulnerable. I have been going through some difficult times in life and instead of shrinking back, I really wanted to speak up. I wanted to express that going through hardships in life isn't easy and often times it makes you question things. & That's okay! But I have been trying to find the beauty in the midst of pain. I hope to inspire you to be honest and transparent in your own life. As hard as it is, there is so much freedom that comes with being open!

I'd love to hear your feedback, questions, or similar situations that you're facing. Post a comment below so I can hear from you! 

I give everything to You Lord 

Painfully Beautiful

Its been a journey... 

An up and down, winding round kinda process. This life. My life. 

Through this post I will try to remain completely vulnerable and open to the honest truth about where my life currently stands and the craziness that encompasses it! Some days I want to laugh because my life always goes in a different direction then I thought it would. Then there are other days that I struggle to stay motivated and positive. These next 4 months of my life were supposed to look so different then they are turning out to be. These months were suppose to be a time of joy and celebration, a totally new chapter and season of my life. Well, lets just say that I am definitely in a new chapter and season of life, except it's just not the one I planned on. It's not bad, just really different. Through this really hard time I've been facing, I have seen a lot of blessings. Blessings I totally could have overlooked, but instead I now get to enjoy. There has been people in my life that have shared a word of encouragement and truth at just the right time. It fills my soul. When my life seemed to be falling apart and when I felt like I was the only one who's heart has ached this bad... I know I am not alone. I am NOT alone! It is beautiful. Simply beautiful.

So as I daily face this new and often times difficult process, I try to keep my head up, so I don't miss what is going on in the world around. I feel as though this stage in my life, this very stepping stone, is something I need to walk through in order to get where I need to go in my future. My motto has been, "Stay faithful in the small and expectant for the big." This short phrase encapsulates my outlook on life. I try my best to remain consistent and faithful in the everyday things I do and the relationships I am involved in. In hopes of not overlooking what is right in front of me. Instead making sure I am focusing on doing my everyday life well, while other doors are opened in the process.

I don't think I have questioned so many things in my life as I have these past few months. I have almost questioned everything. It has been a painfully beautiful journey. Because through this time, I have become more secure in what I believe and the things I stand for. In the midst of me questioning my life and the world around me, I have found answers, not to everything I long to understand, but enough answers to know that I am on the right path, I am heading in the right direction.

I truly love and desire to inspire and impact the people I come in contact with. I desire to share my life, with honesty, in hopes of connecting with others on a very authentic level. I want to meet people where they are at in life. Not to be critical or judgmental, but to give others the freedom to be transparent with their life. In the pain and in the beauty.

You are free to struggle, to question and to want to give up. It doesn't make you any less of who you are called to be. It is simply just a reminder that you aren't finished growing and being refined. You are brilliant.

I give everything to You Lord

Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

I have a passion that has been set on fire, a calling that is great, and a heart of expectancy! I dance in the midst of pain, and in the presence of joy. I smile not because of my circumstances but in-spite of my circumstances. This girl is on fire... even when I feel like my flame is going dim.

I give everything to You Lord

I Will Not Grow Weary

I finally feel like someone understands how much I manage to fit in my schedule!
  "Its not how much you do for God, it's about how much you don't do" {Christine Caine}

I watched this video and had to laugh! If you know me well, you'll know that my schedule is packed full with all sorts of things. Places to go and people to see! I usually have something planned every single day. I've gotten several different responds about everything I take on in life. Everything from, "I think you do to much," or, "I don't understand how to you do everything that you do," and even, "Maybe you shouldn't do so much." It is awesome to know that I have people in my life that are willing to look out for me and my health! I'm blessed to have friends to keep me in check!

It wasn't until I heard Christine Caine's short message that made me realize, it's not necessarily what I do, but rather, how much time I am spending time with God, making sure I'm getting, "filled back up!" The verse in Isaiah that Christine quotes is a perfect example of how I want to live.

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31  

"Whatever I do, whether in word or deed, I will do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." - Colossians 3:17

 

So, instead of lightening my load or altogether illuminating being busy, I am going to make sure I am working on focusing on Jesus, so that He will sustain me through life. I will do everything for the glory of God and not grow wearing because I will hope in Him.

I give everything over to You Lord

Trials Produce Steadfastness

I have noticed some people become shocked when they realize that being in a relationship with God doesn't mean life all of a sudden becomes effortless. I was reading this verse when I got to work and it really reminded me of the power in trials. There is ACTUALLY a purpose for trials?! Crazy, I know!

James 1:2-4 
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

God is asking us to count it all as joy when we face various trials! I can only speak for myself, but that totally goes against the grain and natural reaction I have when a trail comes up in my life. It usually doesn't feel comfortable. It feels like a stretching of my faith, trust and reliance on God. I looked up the definition of steadfastness so that I could understand the verse more and found that steadfastness is: Loyalty in the face of trouble and difficulty. I truly believe that God wants my loyalty in the face of adversity. That way He knows and I know that no matter what comes up in my life, or how hard things get, my loyalty is to Him and I will forever put Him first and serve Him. 

I find that trials are a good way of refining my character and perfecting my faith. You know how people say, "This will show their true colors!" That is how I feel about trials. It is a good meter to gauge where your attitude is at, and if your reliance isn't on God it will most likely come to the surface. I notice that God really grabs a hold of my attention when I am facing something difficult or feeling like I am getting tossed around by the things of the world.

Although it doesn't make trials any easier, there is some comfort knowing that God wants my faith to be perfected so that I am lacking nothing in my life. The goal isn't to avoid trials, it's to stay faithful to God throughout trials!

 
If you feel like you are just going through it - rest assured, you are fighting a worthy fight, you are running the race marked out for you and you are called an overcomer and a conqueror. So live like it! Hold your head up! You are doing a great job!

I give everything over to You Lord

 

TESTIMONY - Sheena Starks

The video below was filmed at an open mic night and it was the first time I had ever performed my spoken word entitled, "Testimony". I have been really humbled by the feedback and comments I have received from several different people. My desire has always been to give God glory and honor for being my daily hero and saving me from everything I found myself in and a part of. I am thankful beyond words can express, that God would use my mouth to speak His words. I am so passionate about other people finding freedom in their life and I am passionate about other people knowing and understand that they are loved just the way they are. They do not have to change or rearrange or work for the love of Jesus, He meets us right where we are. Now coming out of a lot of the stuff I struggled with {which you will hear in the spoken word} I have had so much more peace in my life. & THAT is a beautiful feeling. After you watch this video, please do not get the impression that I have arrived and have conquer all the areas that I touch on. But understand that I have to consistently turn to Jesus for strength to continue to be an over-comer. You are not alone if you feel like you just keep falling short and messing up - God is not surprised with where you are at and He loves you for who you are, regardless of your mistakes. Like I said previously - HUMBLING.

   

 I give everything to You Lord

Finding Rest in Business

I have been going through a lot. Usually people take that as a downer phrase, but let me clarify that phrase so that you can really understand where I am at and what God is teaching me. Things have been crazy! The best way to explain it is... Change & growth! I have been learning several new things about myself, as well as revising some past thoughts or struggles. Throughout my life and especially more recently, I have noticed a common theme. The fight to find rest. Sound funny? Well, I have been struggling with trying to balance my, seemingly, always busy schedule and also finding time to get with God and to reconnect with Him daily.

I have figured this out: I am going into a new season which means I need to know God in a whole new way. Deeper and more personal. My relationship with God is now at a place where I find it URGENT to be in relationship with Him. Desperate to be fed by His Word. Greatly desiring to serve others and to be passionate about the work that God is calling me to.

There is a fire lit within me that is so sold out to my Fathers business, no one can shake that from me.

So as I have been wrestling with this idea of business. I have been keeping my heart open to what God is wanting to teach me. Finally, I was listening to a message by Mark Driscoll and I felt like I heard a little bit of my life in his message.


Here is what I took from it: 
The enemy might not try to get you to deliberately sin, instead, his goal might be to keep you busy enough so that you don't have time to put the first things first. The things that I know I need to put first consist of making a daily goal of getting into the Word a main priority in my life. It is also spending quality time in intentional prayer and then praying without doubt but with full belief in God's capabilities. I also need to work on how to be able to slow down and to stop long enough to hear God speak to me. Finding a church family to do life with and to have encouragement and accountability has also been a huge factor in me being fed as well as me pouring into other people.

I have heard messages in the past about having distractions and even about how the enemy can keep us busy to avoid spending time with God. I understood the concepts of those messages and they were really impactful, but it hasn't been until more recently where I have been trying to apply what I have learned. If no one has even told you, those two totally look and feel different. Hearing and doing!

I wish I could end this blog post with some great revelation and life changing encounter, but I am still in the works of all my thoughts and prayers. I will tell you that I am slowly getting great insight into what I feel God tugging on my heart about. Although, I suppose IT IS a great revelation that I have been hearing God so much lately. We are in constant communication with each other, and for me, I am very pleased with that!

The goal is to be fruitful not just busy. Do not exchange business for fruitfulness. 
Instead of doing 10 things poorly, how about trying to do 2 things really well. 

I'd like to dedicate this blog post to a continual learning process through my life. That I may have the desire to always learn and to always seek God first.

I give everything over to You Lord