Jemma Sophia Starks

We welcomed the darling Jemma Sophia Starks into the world Tuesday, October 8th at 5:22! A beautiful little girl that makes me so proud to be called aunt. There is nothing quite like the birth of a new baby and the celebration that surrounds the gift of life. The full head of dark hair and the puffy little cheeks brings the biggest smile to my heart. I was able to wrap her up in my arms, kiss her, talk to her, and tell her how much she's loved. Our sweet Jemma Sophia has no idea how many fans she has. Any baby born into our family becomes quite popular... quite fast! Jemma, you are brilliant!


Although we continue to celebrate the gift we call Jemma, there were some complications that occurred the day after her birth. Wednesday the 9th, in the morning, Rory and Stephanie, her parents, noticed that she was having a difficult time breathing. They sent a video clip to their midwife and she immediately responded and said, "Call 911." So they did, and the newly born Jemma was rushed to the hospital. I wasn't there upon their arrival, but my dad described it like a sense out of a movie. A security guard handed my brother Rory (Jemma's Dad) and my dad visitor badges to go into the NICU. They walked in the room to find 20 doctors and nurses running around getting Jemma oxygen, hooking her up to IV's and making sure they wasted no time with stabilizing her. Rory and my dad couldn't even see Jemma because there were so many people surrounding her. To call the scenario "intense," would be an understatement. 

Doctors said that they like to see people's oxygen levels around 90% and when Jemma was first brought into the ER, her oxygen levels were around 20%. She was not in good condition. Not everything has been figured out and they are still running several scans and tests, but they have concluded that she has a severe heart defect and will need surgery this week. We are praying against any long term affects. We don't want any seizures to occur now or in the future due to her time spent with such little oxygen. The most beautiful little doll has been through some much in her 2 1/2 short days of life. I believe she will make a full recovery and be completely healed. The doctors said she will have heart surgery in about a week and she will need to spend three more weeks recovering in the hospital. Needless-to-say, Rory and Stephanie and our families will be spending days and weeks and months in the hospital to ensure that our Little Jemma Sophia is made whole again! If you think about it, pray for everyone surrounding the situations; Jemma's parents, the doctors, India and Olive {Jemma's older sisters}, all the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. We all would appreciate your love and support through prayer. So if you think about... Pray! We are very grateful for the blessing and joy Jemma Sophia has brought to all of our lives. Even in the midst of the chaos, she is beautiful, strong, and has officially melted all of our hearts. As her older sister calls her, "We love you Princess Jemma!" 

I give everything over to You Lord  

Daydreamer At Heart

There is nothing more enticing then my daydreams of traveling the world! Oh the idea of sipping coffee while walking through the brick-lined alleyways of Italy, or roaming the aisle's of the largest bookstore {Powells Book's} in Portland, Oregon. The inspiring thoughts of being a nomad and wondering, experiencing, and taking new adventures is so tempting to the free-spirited side of my soul! The romanticized view of my fantasies and my wishful thinking leave little room for reality and practicality! I suppose it wouldn't be such a charming daydream if I allowed logistics to ruin my minds unrestricted wondering! And let me tell you, recently, I have been practicing my wondering skills!

The realistic side of my daydreams always bring me back to earth. And it's back in reality that I remember how expensive traveling is (!), and how much preparation and time it takes to plan seemingly spontaneous getaways! While I understand the practical side of taking trips and seeing the world, I don't want to discount my desires altogether. I want channel it. To focus on ways that I can experience traveling and ways in which I can see the world, even if it's on a small scale.

For me, my dreams look like traveling and seeing the world. For you it might be something totally different. Your dreams may include a promotion at work or getting married and starting a family. Whatever your dream is, figure out how you can channel it. If your dream isn't being fulfilled right now, in this moment, sit down and really contemplate some of the small (maybe even practical) steps you can take. It could look like spending extra time learning about your business in order to be prepared and ready for if/when a promotion comes. Or it could look like learning how to trust God in a greater way, believing that He will bring a compatible partner when He sees fit.

Even if you have to start small, really, really small... It's okay! As cliche as this may sound, don't give up on your dreams. Continue a tireless pursuit to see them be fulfilled. Make your plans but let God order your steps!

I give everything over to You Lord

Time To Tip... And Tip Well

Awhile back my dad and I were out to lunch and it came time for the best part of the meal... the bill! ($$$) I have grown up seeing my dad tip based off of how well he was served and treated. And I really thought nothing about it when I was younger. Then I got older and got my first job at a coffee shop, where people tipped (or didn't) and it was THEN I realized the value of tipping people! Yes... Like tipping a server after a meal. So, before my dad paid for our meal, I shared some thoughts about the whole idea of tipping people based off of how "well" they treated me or how fast they served me. Here is what I shared with my dad:

I love people. I love to bless people, encourage people, and give them above and beyond what others may think they "deserve." That includes tipping. I have never based my "tipping-etiquette" on how well I am served or how "on top of it" my waiter or waitress was. And I'll be honest, I've had some pretty "bad" restaurant experiences. Anything from my server forgetting items I've requested (over and over), spilling drinks on me, one server wasn't able to concentrate due to his hungover, and other times I've simply had servers that are openly rude! (I call that being SPICY)! But that has never affected the dollar amount I write down on the little line that says, "Tip:  _____.____"  

WHY?! Well, I am sure we can break down that logic (tipping based off of being served well or not) and figure out a way to justify tipping poorly. But my thought process isn't based on logic it's based on blessing. And those are two very different entities! I correlate tipping to grace. Far fetched? I think NOT! You know that little thing God gives us no matter how many times we jack things up? Well... that's grace! It is an undeserved and free gift that is given to us, not based off of how WELL WE SERVE God, rather, it is based off of His greatness. I try to mimic the character that Jesus displays, such as giving generosity and giving above and beyond.

To me, tipping is more of a reflection of me and my character, opposed to the common thought that tipping is a reflection of the character and "performance" of the server.

You never know what people are walking through. Life is crazy! If you have air in your lungs, you'd understand that we all have "off" days. Even servers! (GASP!!) I'm sure we can all agree that we've had a day consumed by bad attitudes, grouches remarks and the lack of desire to serve others. So if you had the opportunity to shed a little generosity to the world, would you take it?

I want people to look at me and see God's love and His grace. For me, that looks like tipping, and tipping well. I guess my dad liked it enough to take on the same thought process. So now, we both tip well, because WE CAN! (Oh and if you can't afford to tip well... it's okay, maybe just eat in! And all the serves said, "AMEN!")

“Grace, then, is grace,–that is to say, it is sovereign, it is free, it is sure, it is unconditional, and it is everlasting.” ~ Alexander Whyte

I give everything over to You Lord

Independent

Back in the day, Kelly Clarkson released a song called, "Miss Independent," and I think I might have listened to it one too many times when I was younger. Because, in the past few months I have been wrestling with this, "I don't need anyone" perspective I have developed. This development didn't just happen overnight, instead, I am coming to find out that it is deeply rooted in past experiences, past hurt and the desire to protect myself from feeling "screwed over."  I posture myself as if I am self-sufficient, lacking the need to have others care for me, love me, check up on me or help me. I must say, I have been told that I make it really easy for others to believe I don't need them or even  value their efforts of trying to love and take care of me. My fear is if I allow myself to feel loved, cherished and important, I will be setting myself up for a huge let down and eventually all I will be left with is a broken heart. Even though, at times, I keep people at arms distance, I know in my heart that we are all created with a desire to be in relationship with others and to have others help us shoulder the burdens this life brings. Unfortunately, the oh so familiar feeling of wanting to protect myself creeps up and puts a wedge between me and the level of intimacy I am allowing to form within my relationships with others. I am finding out that it is a dangerous place to be. But more then dangerous, I am finding out how unhealthy it is to push people away because of my fear of being hurt, letdown, forgotten, or worse... being an inconvenience to others.

I haven't overcome this battle. Yet! {My stab at trying to remain optimistic} But I have been learning a lot about myself and how I operate. Finding out the areas I still need to grow in and the ways I am looking forward to seeing God touch and transform my life.

If you think of it, pray for me. For the fear I have, the guardedness I am clinging to, and for my inability to let people take care of me. I am the furthest thing from where I'd like to be so I figured a good place to start is in prayer.

I give everything over to You Lord

Reaching People

Last night, I was driving home from a long planning meeting I had for the youth ministry summer camp I am helping head up. It was an extremely exhausting meeting that lasted 6 hours. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious about how much needed to get done to pull off this huge summer camp event. I was emotionally and mentally spent. I kept repeating to myself, "Jesus, let these students encounter you. It will make these long hours worth everything. Jesus, let these students encounter you. Jesus, let these students encounter you."

On my drive home I was listening to music and singing my heart out. (This happens regularly!) I heard my phone go off. I looked down and I noticed that I had received a Facebook message from a friend of a friend. She sent me a message that read, "Hey girl!!!! Check it!!! Your story is changing lives in BC Canada!! Killer message girl! Keep doing Gods work." She also attached this photo:

 

My heart skipped a beat! 

Before receiving that message, I was questioning if all my hard work that I am putting into the ministries I am a part of, is paying off. I know it is probably not the best thing to question, but sometimes if I am not focused on the reasoning for why I do what I do, (Which is Jesus), I can start to feel discouraged. The message she sent me couldn't have come at a better time. God reminded me of this: "You do what you can do, and I'll do what only I can do!" 

I am so blessed to be a part of what God is doing. He is so incredible. He has been working behind the sense in my life, refining me, teaching me, correcting me, and continually loving me. This video and the lives it is touching is merely a byproduct of what God has done personally in my life. Having a personal relationship with Jesus shouldn't just impact your own personal life... It should undeniably impact the lives around you.

Get real with Jesus so you can experience true freedom.

I give everything over to You Lord

Breaking The Bondages Of Words

It is often times easier to identify the dysfunction and shortcomings of others. It can be more of a challenge to have an outside perspective on the areas in our own lives that we need to deal with. I want to give you some back story on why I am writing about this topic.

I have grown up living life as a true dreamer. I have always had big plans and dreams for my life, some of which I have been able to accomplish. And then there are other dreams and goals I am stirring in the eyes thinking to myself, "How will I ever accomplish this." In a perfect world, we would all love to have tons of supportive people that partner with us, through encouragement and resources, to help us achieve our goals and our life long dreams. Except, we all know that there will be people in our lives that will tell us, "We Can't," "That dream is to big," "You aren't able to do that," or whatever else those optimistic people have to say! If you can't tell already, I am writing from personal experience. I have encountered people throughout my life that told me, "I shouldn't," and "I am not qualified," to accomplish the things I feel God calling me to. Their words penetrated my heart and shook the very dreams I felt like I was called to achieve. I started to unravel at the thought that maybe what I felt like I am called to do is wrong. Or even worse, not honoring to God. My whole reason for living and my existence is to serve Jesus and I want nothing more then my life to be a walking example of that.

There has been a few specific things that I have been trying to find release and healing from. I have prayed, I have read the Word, and I have spoken with others that I love and trust. But I can still hear their words and the voices in my head. If I could be vulnerable for a minute, here are some of the things that run through my mind:

I am unqualified
I am not educated enough
I am not important
I am not pretty enough (May sound lame, but that thought is there)
I couldn't possibly be used to change the world I live in

Sad right? That I would hear these haunting voices over and over and over again, ringing in my head. But I wasn't done giving these thoughts to God. I wanted to be free. Since Jesus is so faithful to hear our hearts and knowing what we need, He opened up a very unexpected opportunity for me to continue to find healing. I had the chance to speak with one of the pastors at my church about the things that people have told me. He walked me through different steps, asking me questions, seeking answers from God, and at the end of it, I walked away surprised about the outcome. My pastor asked me this, "Who is telling you these lies." I stopped and thought about it. My responds was this... "Me." I could have given credit to the devil and blamed him for letting these thoughts creep in my mind, but he doesn't have that kind of control over my thought life. I will not give him the power to speak lies and words that destroy what God is calling me to.

I have been the one feeding the lies. Fueling them. I haven't spent enough time taking all my thoughts captive. Just because someone said something to me once doesn't mean I have to keep it on repeat for the rest of my life. Please don't misunderstand me though, I am not saying dismiss the hurt or the damage that can be caused by other peoples words. I am simply saying that in my situation, I need to stop focusing on what everyone else has said and focused on the truth. And the truth is this...  I am called.

There is a huge difference between being "qualified" and being called. In the Bible God used people that, from the outside, seemed totally unqualified. He used the young boy, David, to defeat a giant. He used a young peasant girl, Mary, to give birth to the Son of God. God used Jephthah, the son of a prostitute, to deliver the Israel from the Ammonites. Those three people alone seem the least bit equipped to tackle such honorable things in life. God wasn't looking for who was qualified, instead, it had everything to do with who He had called. I may not be called to the great things that David, Mary, and Jephthah were called to, but I do know that God is calling me to change the world in which I live. I don't know what the rest of my journey looks like, but I am learning to take my thoughts captive, to trust in Jesus, and to serve and go wherever He calls me to. Because I am called.

I give everything over to You Lord

The Story Behind My Spoken Word "Testimony"

I felt inspired to write a spoken word about my testimony two years ago. So I sat down and began writing. I finished my spoken word in about two days. I then began to memorize it in hopes that one day I'd be able to share with people. & my hopes turned into reality about a year ago when I was asked to perform it at an open mic night my church was having. There was a room of about 50 people and I nervously took the stage and shared my journey with everyone. The responds I got after performing my spoken word was incredible. Everyone was so encouraging and I left feeling blessed and excited about how God has worked in my life.

(Image from when I performed at the Open Mic Night)

The day after I performed my spoken word, I drove out to LA with my sister-in-law. I told her about how I wanted to film my spoken word because I wanted a physical representation of the internal work that God has done in my life. I wanted to create a piece that embodied me. I originally wanted to create a video that would only be seen by me and family, but it turned into so much more. My sister-in-law sweetly offered her help and we decided to film my spoken word while we were in LA. (Remember, this took place a year ago). Months after we filmed Jessa (My sister-in-law) came down to Phoenix again and I was able to get the footage from her. So I downloaded the clips and took it to my friends at Parametric Studios and they tried working with what I had. Unfortunately, there was two many things that they needed that I wasn't able to provide them. They kindly offered to re-film it. So I decided that it would be a good idea! So exactly a year after I originally filmed mu spoken word, Joel, Alex, my cousin Ashley and myself went to down town Phoenix and filmed. We all were melting in the sun, but we pushed through and wrapped up after about 3 1/2 hours of filming. I left the footage in the talented hands of Joel and Alex.

A week or so later, I went to the Parametric Studios and recorded the audio that would overdub what I had recorded in the original video takes. I was tying to use all my multitasking skills at once; I was listening to my audio in head phones, while watching myself on screen from my film, while trying to say my spoken word. Let me tell you, matching the movements of my lips was quite a difficult task. Thankfully, 7 hours later, I finished! And again, I left my spoken word in the trusty hands of Alex! 

A few weeks later I received an e-mail with the first cut of my video! I was ecstatic! I probably looked like a complete moron as I squirmed around in my room with excitement! I eventually received several other e-mails over a three week time span... and then it happened... I got the final video cut with audio and music. I watched as tears weld up in my eyes. I sat back and spent time soaking in the greatness of everything Jesus has done in my life.

I wanted my spoken word to encompassed the pain I have faced, as well as the beautiful realization that Jesus has been faithfully by my side throughout my story. I knew that this spoken word would be a very vulnerable piece that let people into the mess of my life and the battles I have walked through. But I can gladly say, I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the gracious and loving guidance from Jesus. He has healed my brokenness and has restored my life. I am truly blessed. Be inspired! 

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A very special thanks to Joel and Alex from Parametric Studios. They spent many hours and hard work to make this video look and sound incredible! You can find them of Facebook, here: https://www.facebook.com/ParametricStudios