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Click Sheena Starks to be directed to see more photo's. Thank you! I would love the support! 


Merry Christmas eve! And Merry Christmas! 


I give everything over to You Lord

Le Jessa Vintage

Can you do me a huge favor! 

Check out my good friend Jessica Cary's vintage clothing blog. She puts entire outfits together for affordable prices that look like expensive designer brands. She has a knack for finding unique outfits suitable for any occasion. We collaborated on a recent project were I did the photography for her first set of outfits. It is a delight working with someone I've grown up with since I was young! Please, please, please check out her blog!  

Under My Links you can find her website to see beautiful designs and more. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Achievement Doesn't Measure Your Success

So maybe the 'something' that captures your eyes and pulls at your heart is the exact thing that keeps it beating. The stroke of beauty that leaves you completely mesmerized and entranced in the realm of the unknown. Love. Everyone seems to kick and push and fight for a fearless, romantic, and captivating love. When was love something we had to work for. Isn't love the sweetest and freest gift possible. Let's be honest, of course it can be hard to give and sometimes harder to receive, but love covers every wrong. I suppose we wouldn't know what love felt like if we had yet to experience the depth's of loneliness. The night's when you look at the ceiling and realize the agonizing longing for that one chance to be completely engulfed in love. Drowning in the purest, refreshing love. It's almost humorous in the way we long for love so deep. So passionate. This love doesn't necessarily come through a touch or kiss, it's something that goes beyond what everyone has defined love to be. It is the opposite of what this loveless world has settled for. Possibly striving for something more then the average, "I love you," can lead you to the most rewarding fulfillment you've ever achieved. Can you feel the hollowness when you step foot in front of screaming fans? Or is the screaming fans the drug that keeps you going? Or perhaps the closes thing you've felt to love. Your body shuts down from this constant drive to feel and fulfill the gap between happiness and depression. No human can ever satisfy that need. It's discouraging, but life's not always going to blow kisses. Facing your enemy loneliness can lead you on two paths so completely different then each other. You can let the lies of loneliness over take you, bury you alive, stealing every remanence of thrill and excitement that once filled your lungs. Remember when you could almost feel love running through your veins, straight to the rhythmic pounding of your heart? Or, you have the chance, while being along, to really get to know you. The deepest parts of your heart, your emotions, the thing that makes you a complete masterpiece. What's the one thing you need to know about yourself that will completely soften the internal and external facade you've defined yourself as? A false, superficial, and artificial appearance of love will never withstand the hardships of life. Love. Genuine. Real. Breathtaking. Peaceful. Speechless. Intriguing. Powerful.  I suppose the question might be "Who put this desire for love within me. The desire that keeps me chasing after it with such fervor and diligence?"

I give everything over to You Lord

Love will come find you

I drench my eyes with what the world determines and titles perfect. I wash my eyes with the burning sent of perfume. And I'd get down on both knees and ask politely if I knew I would finally capture the eyes of myself. If I live through this, I promise I won't look back. It's crazy to stand tall when you feel like your missing out on life. I'm a speck in a state. Something so small, yet, I was told that I could take on the world if he'd allow me. I wonder. If this life is fake dream and I've just been living it for to long. I really do question  now. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Everything Is After The Fact

I finally found it. The song that inspired me to write again. 11:48 pm. I'm captured once again to write and to spill my guts. To release and to find. To know how to clear my mind. The things, the thoughts, the place and people, I have been holding them in when I knew all along the only thing that would help was the sound of my computer keys following my every touch.  I've shattered my knowledge that led me to believe I knew the depth and greatness of my God. I run away from the thought of judging people because the person my mirror reflects has a lot to work on herself. I feel so busy, as always, but I fill every empty minute with a task because I don't really want to hear my own thoughts. I can't face how I've been doing. I don't want to find out. Probably a scary thought. But I haven't been letting myself think about it much. I have been pulling and poking at every aspect in my life. I have so much to get out, I really shouldn't have waited this long to write. School has been the most constant and regular friend that knocks on my door. It's finally freeing to know my grammar and miss communicated ideas and my miss spelled words don't count against me. There is no grade for my thoughts, as some might believe. I have a disguise hiding something within me, but I haven't pin pointed it. I can write a million words and it may seem like I'm insane train wreck, and I might be, but I'm writing free, just don't take it literal if you don't know the reality. 

I give everything over to You Lord

The life of a modern hippie

Why is it, that the urban, 'unknown coffee shop' style of life is so appealing to this generation? I pled guilty though, because I have fallen into the dream of wanting to live in Washington or China and live the urban-rough-sheek lifestyle, as well. Listen to the 'not so trendy', but catchy, indie music. To shop at the thrift stores that typical people mark as garbage. To use a red umbrella while walking to work. To sit with just those 4 close friends at a dinner party in the shabby but beautiful duplex just a few blocks down from me. To have not much more then my computer, clothes, food, and my camera. To walk tall but not receive attention. To dance at my favorite underground spot with that one guy and that one girl, it's impersonal, we don't know each others names. Maybe one day I will steal the stage of the urban streets of L.A. or New York, or maybe I'll continue on my hot streak and stay the in the summer sun or Arizona. We'll see, now won't we!

I give everything over to you Lord

I WILL

Shadows fallow me and dreams cry for my attention

Determination is the least I could do to balance my future

My other life, as they call it, seems to be deteriorating 

But my heart is still big enough for the things I take joy in

I complete one thing while another falls apart

I prayed for this, but I never saw it coming down to this. 

I am walking in the dreams I've asked my King for

I'm walking tall

I know my God

My God is a beautiful wonder 

But I am desperate to know Him deeper

To experience Him greater

I dance to the beat of music

But my soul dances to the beat of my Lord

I want to know my Father

I want to seriously KNOW my Father

I'm desperate

And.

I've been told that desperation will lead to results

I give everything over to You Lord

Photography

http://photo-proof08.blogspot.com/2009/06/baby-d-love-photoproof.html

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I give everything over to You Lord

Aint' No Buddy The Same

Memories, a box just for you and I 

Deep, easy breathes, captivating sighs 

Perfect kisses not so perfect lies 

The candles are blown out

The wax is still hot to the touch 

Falling asleep still wouldn't be enough

Quick days and long nights 

Terrible day dreams 

Death defining star light 

"I need a break from my worrisome heart"

Keep them close before anything starts 

Choose a cup that you'd be proud to lift up

I give everything over to You Lord

A Little Unbroken

Life sometimes gets to a point where it's to crazy to write, when your still right in the middle of it. Well, I may not be all the way out of the craziness, but I can see some clarity and some hope. Some! I am beginning a journey that will last a life time, not because of anyone or anything, but because God's grace of showing Himself to me in a new light. Yes, in fact He, my Father, has used people and situations, and I'm beyond thankful. 

I have been learning, and always will be learning, what true forgiveness looks like, what true love looks like, what true redemption looks like, what true happiness looks like, and what true help looks like. I feel so jaded, for all these years, never seeing God in such a raw, real, relevant way. Although I'm blessed now, that I'm getting to see Him in this beautiful light. I just realized that I'm making this sound "Happy Ever After" like, and it will be a happily ever after, but it's not always so happy in the times where I have to show true forgiveness, or true love, or redemption, happiness, or lend a hand that is meant to truly help. Worth it though, I must add. 

I've seen so many intricate details about God that leads me to more and more and more and more, and then my mind literally can't handle His power and how heavily this world should be worshiping Him, He's worthy. 

I've learned new, wonderful life long lessons, but I learned through tears and pain, heartbreak and vulnerability, anger and anxiety, depression and devastation, loneliness and abandonment, and all those wonderful things led me to be crushed and destroyed. It's a dark, scary place, where I slept a lot of nights, managed to function through the day, and walked around with every intention or riding my car off the freeway into a ditch. Reality check, the devil is a conniving corrupter. 

I'm seeing now, in small quantities, glimpse's of hope, freedom, redemption, and LIFE! I'm seeing a new, refreshing life. Well, I suppose not really a new life, but a new perspective and outlook. I've heard that 10% is your situation and 90% is how you react. That's true, I really think if your able to control how you react then that's excellent, (not always possible), but it sounds good! 

My thoughts met gravity and the splattered all over this page, hopefully it's not to much in shambles. Enjoy the thoughts that requires a real life to be lived. 

I give everything over to You Lord

ONLY

Just got home from practice with the crew, (Foot Klan), and I found out, tomorrow at 9:30 I'll be on channel 10 news. God has blessed me with a talent and I will only use the talent to glorify Him. 

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/azam/dance_break_052209

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/azam/dance_break_052209

I give everything over to You Lord

The Beat Keeps Beating

It's 4 in the morning and I've got a head ache again.

I've pursued my dreams and I haven't seen the end.

My body has never moved this much in it's life.

I've taken power in my King, my body is design for one thing.

My hands have created more then ever.

But my head beats out of pain. 

Time fly's by, and I barely make my appointments.

Glory unfolds before me and I'm shaking.

The clouds in the sky look a little more transparent. 

They are opening up before my eyes. 

Only if you saw things through the blue haze of my sight.

You'd never be the same, you'd finally start to fight.

I haven't made these steps with the power of my own two feet.

I've really got no power, if it's just me, it's just defeat.

Side by side, hand in hand, my head beats on, but I've got plans.

I've see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm running.

Although there is struggle.

It's 5 now, and my heart feels like it's bleeding. 

I'm captured by the color red that fills my head.

Impulse says you should do it, but my hands say you know better.

My heart pleads for me to do it, but my brain says, "You've known lies."

Darkness still remains but I can only see it in the distance. 

Did you hear that darkness? 

I'm too far ahead to look behind at you, although I know you still exist. 

Sometimes I let you in, a little bit to much, but your invitation is being worn out. 

I caught a good, long, hard glimpse's of the light and I haven't stopped running towards it. 

Because I see the beauty in Love. Sometimes.

Because I see the beauty in Him. Forever. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Simple Something

I believe there is a bright side to the things that hurt.

Victorian Home's make my heart melt.

I give everything over to You Lord

Yes, No, Maybe so

It started with the Pastor Jason, the youth pastors at my church. In a meeting we had Pastor Jason's words confidently spoke, "Sheena, you're gonna be on big stages preaching, bigger stages then we could imagine." I laughed and shook my head "NO!" Then, as days passed it starting sinking in and I kept pondering the thought. Myself on big stages? Talking? Preaching? WHAT?! NO!

I've been praying though, for an opportunity to share my testimony. A little reluctant I must add! I talked to one of my friends about the passion and desire I have to help people with their struggles. I can only say that, now, because I have come out of my battles, not all, but some, and I have seen the Grace, the Love, the Strength, and the provision that God blessed me with.  Something so sweet and so inspiring, that I don't want to keep it just for myself, I want to share the greatness of God.

This morning I was talking to God on my way to school, and sure enough, I told God that I want my heart softened to the idea of me being on stages bigger then I ever imagined. I asked God to use me, to mold me, and to teach me. I think, well, I'm starting to believe that I WILL be on big stages one day. Although I don't know how, or where, or why, I know I will. I need to start living it out, with confidence, or else I will drowned in my insecurities. I want to fight for that. I'm scared. But I'm willing. I'm fearful, but excited. I'm so, so excited! 

I give everything over to You Lord

I'M FAT

The comparison we've all felt. Us girls, us women. Let it slip off. Melt it away. Kill the misconceptions of how "real" women look, act, and what they believe in. Kill it now, save yourself a world of heart ache and push past this world's common thought. Prayer. I am learning, everyday, how to rip the idealistic goal of women. The pant size, the shirt size, the tan skin, the hair color, the slender perfection that women kill themselves to be. Literally kill. I've tried the no eating thing. But life isn't supposed to be lived like that. I've tried the expensive, really expensive clothes. But even expensive clothes rip. I've even been so low, I've looked at how much the cost to get plastic surgery would be. But I'm kindly reminded that money can't buy you happiness. I've struggled and beat my body to a rotten end. I'd like to give you a three step process of how I've overcome the shame of my body, the disgust that tightens my stomach when I look in the mirror, but, to be honest, I haven't overcome that. Not completely that is. I've fought a hard journey, most of it spent with just God and myself. It has been one of the toughest challenges I've faced, definitely up there, and I'm still faced with it every morning when I get up. When I go to the malls, the market, and even church. I feel like that stupid invisible girl sometimes that people pass by and ignore, I'd be dumb to have confidence. 

I can't live like that anymore though. Thankfully. It's too selfish, too painful, and too tiring. My misconceptions of how God views me, my personal thoughts, and the standards posted on billboards, magazines, and television, they all paralyze me at times. They grab, a firm grip, around my throat and try to steal the life out of me. This precious life, from me? How rude, right? I am over this ideal women, the perfect bodies, the beauty which glows only from the outside, and the fake happiness it offers. I will no longer sit and be still while I die on the inside because of my personal insecurities, doubts, and disgust. I am forcing myself to get out of the pool of self pity, and self reliance, and swim to bigger and worthier fights and destinations. I don't want to miss my mark of being a life changer because I'm starving myself to death or getting plastic surgery or focusing on myself rather then others. I'm sorry, but that is not the life I want to live. It doesn't mean I won't struggle, cry, hurt, get mad and scream, I just know that, God willing, I will push past this self centered obsession. Kingdom fights, Kingdom worth, Kingdom love. 

I give everything over to You Lord 

An Everlasting Stairwell

The brilliant breath and glimpse out the white wooden shutters, I recognize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Silence is the most delicate breeze pushing past the worthlessness you've always strayed away from. Silence. This new perspective drowns my previous pessimist outlook on life. Thankfulness is quickly becoming a common word in my miniscule vocabulary. With all sincerity, I'm thankful! I have slowly been ripped from my awkward views on people and situations, I'm actually getting this world. While in the same second that I get it, I loose it just as quick. Oh my pathetic misery. I'm learning, daily, to embrace those thought's, feelings, and situations as captivating instead of crushing. Praise and glory shine to the One who's thought's have meaning, feelings which have taught my own, and situations known which I have yet lived. Bless and honor. Continue the Grace, I'm striving to melt peacefully in Your arms. You are willing, I am fighting. There has been the pain and tears. It's crept under my skin and even ruled me at times. Times when I knew no better, knew not how things should be, and knew nothing at all. Those times. They'll come, and they'll go, we'll dance and we'll grow. This silly world gets the best of me sometimes, and I blame nothing else but our flesh, our offal, many times, pure cruelty. Flesh. There is a beautiful mess inside! Come in, we are welcoming, honest, open, and light hearted. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes! I always thought those prayers, those I prayed on a whim, were heard but would never be answered. I was so low, shallow at best, extend the grace I need, I just don't know better. Processing the intricate details of my life has been, shockingly, a wake up call. I'm wide awake now, so, I will force myself to put one foot in front of the other and demonstrate the elegance that is buried deep within. I'm shredding the former me, as well as you, and we place our fist high and release them because of sheer understanding. Tolerance is no more, and we are breaking through. The bells are ringing and we laugh it off and cry when necessary. My sincerity unfolds. You catch mine, I'll catch yours. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Previous Post

After I posted the blog below, I got an e-mail sent to my phone saying, "God loves you not because of what you do, but because of who He is." 

He is so faithful in my life. I can't believe that God is so good and so evident in my life.

"Blessings come from God when you are obedient, Love comes from God because of His character." - Jason 

I give everything over to you Lord

Love Is Free...

But it feels like it cost a lot down on earth.

God is love. Correct? So, if God is love and he shows mercy, grace, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, and truth, how could I really love someone without those qualities? I wouldn't truly be loving them at all then, right? I am in the process of learning, and also understanding, that I will never get to a point in life where I reach the peak of perfection and I demonstrate those qualities as Christ does. But, I understand the importance of extending forgiveness and showing the grace God has given me, the mercy I always need, and the compassion I desire. When I think about the love I have received in my life, it never looks like physical affection or expensive diamonds (Which I wouldn't mind!). Instead, love has always come in amazingly hard situations and some in amazingly wonderful situations. I see love as Christ, the God of our universe, the creator who knows me better then I know myself. That is love. I see love when someone leads me back to Christ, and takes my hand and says, "Listen, this is the truth about God, now live it out." That is the greatest love, to have someone in your life striving and fighting to be like Christ. In turn being treated how God has always treated us. Love also looks like dying to yourself so that Christ can be in you and not your sinful nature. Love is hard work. (I am slowly coming to realize) Love is painful sometimes. Love is not what the world makes it look like. Love is in every word and in every sentence of the Bible. Love is so hard. So hard, but so worth it. Love is absolutely worth it.

I give everything over to You Lord

Just A Messy Mix Up

There has been a lot of commotion in my life and every area is somehow stirred up and unsettled. God always loves giving me reminders that He is in complete control, but with me, He likes to show me that He's in complete control of EVERY area of my life. Right now, I'm patiently waiting to here back from ASU (Arizona State University) and scared about what a new school holds for me. Where I lead youth at my church we were asked the tough question of either going to summer camp this year or not, due to the lack of economic stability. Summer camp may put pressure on the parents to provide their children with the money, so we had some tough decisions to work through. If we don't go, I don't have to prepare any art work, but if we do, I will have to finish within 6 weeks. (A lot harder then it sounds). My best friend and I are fighting for our love relationships with the Lord and fighting to see where God leads us. Everyday we both fight for peace in our situations and understanding for the future. Things have chilled out a little with my dad, I guess, and I'm just waiting to see how much effort he puts in to this "New Journey". Those things are mostly what consume my life, and they are somehow all up in the air so you can probably tell why everything seems a bit unstable. 

Some day's I'm just so emotionally drained, feeling like I've got nothing left to give or to feel, and then I learn more about feelings and Christ and I realize my journey has really only started now. This topic of emotions and feelings has been the biggest topic in my life for the past 4 months or so, and I have yet to write about it. Partly because I didn't realize, myself, that I had been working through this and learning more about it. My eyes are seriously opened daily, to things I've only felt but never understood. I always thought I was crazy for having so many emotions, but, come to find out there are a few more women I know who have felt the same way. I was told while growing up that I was to emotional and way to sensitive. Really, I was just being degraded from the God given emotions I was blessed with. After a few long conversations with people I respect very highly, I know that my feelings and emotions DO, indeed, have importance, value, worth, acceptance, and purpose. That is an amazing concept to come to terms with. If I had not started my process of understanding that my emotions are of high esteem, then I would merely be shut down to the world and not be able to live a free life the way Jesus Christ died for it to be. My thoughts are so jumbled and my emotions are kind of running loose right now because I've just been working through so much stuff. It's unbelievable to think that I have just scratched the surface of this new outlook on life. I'm encouraged and challenged and scared but empowered. I am learning to fall more in love with Christ each day.

I give everything over to You Lord                                                                                                                                                                                 

Paper Canvas

Who says that painting somehow has to be with a brush and a canvas? Who says it has to be with colors and shapes? There is something beautiful about painting to me, something that runs through my fingers and moves my heart with inspiration. I tap my foot with excitement and I sketch you a beautiful piece of work. Some may not consider it painting, but I'd say you'd be blind not to realize. I have never used a paint brush and there has hardly been color involved, but it doesn't make it any less of a painting. Picture this open field, to your left there is a tree standing taller then any you've ever seen. To your right there is beautiful wild flowers that color the ground. Your bare feet stand close together and point you down a small dusty path, were one's eye cannot see the distance to the end. Tall grass line the trail and you inhale the fresh air. Now stop! Don't picture anymore! See, right there, I just painted! just as any artist with a few brushes and colors. You might have saw the image I was describing, and you might have even felt it, but I didn't use any color and there was no canvas involved.

I paint every time my fingers touch a new letter on the keyboard. I try to paint daily, with the words that sometimes crowd my mind. It's exhilarating! The curves of the letters create their own picture and my sentence structure leads your mind to run wild. Run with it! Paint your thoughts in words and I guarantee you will never run out of paint!

A slash of color to your words uncovered.

I give everything over to You Lord

A Fight To The Finish

One of the most admirable things I've come to love is when the people I am close with express how they are feeling. It deepens the friendship, and for me, say's that the value me enough to open up. I feel very appreciated, valued, and important when I'm trusted with someone's heart because I really do try my best not to break it. I find expression or words as one of the most romantic forms of love. Words can create promises, they can form challenges, make commitments, be the spokes person for God, and words can heal, strengthen, smooth, encourage, and love. Feelings are passionate and your words just give audible form to how the inside of you looks. I've been blessed with different opportunities of hearing the hearts of people I am fighting this world with. I've had long, draining, emotional conversations with close friends, and, it was worth the tears, worth the loss of sleep, worth the time, worth the energy. I may not know all those people now, but I never took the time I had with those friends for granted. I will continue, and try my best, to feel things and to not just push them aside. I will also try to pull emotions out from the people who are closest to me, so that we can grow together in pursuing God well fighting life side by side.

I give everything over to You Lord

Straight Line Down

It's gonna be a good week. And I will laugh and smile. And I will mean it. Not because I am trying to force myself, but because I'm choosing to make the best of this puny life. Right?

I'm excited to see my best friend, he comes from Colorado on Monday, and I'm thrilled! 

California. Family. Best friends. Learning more about each other. Car rides. Pictures. Music. My best, best friend.

Let's cause a scene! 

I give everything over to You Lord

Title Slide

I know there is weight behind my words. I know I understand small portions of this life. Very small. But it's tiring, while talking to, what seems to be, deaf ears. I can't find any more creative ways to care or sweet ways to say it. I am not clever in thought right now, I am merely concerned. "I wanna run. But only far enough to make you miss me."

I give everything over to You Lord

Written ART

Project finished. My class loved my work and it was really encouraging.

I give everything over to You Lord

Beauty Is Bold

Some believe in destiny

 and some believe in fate. 

  But I believe that happiness is something we create.

I give everything over to you Lord

The Road Is Steep

I don't know what the Lord is doing, but it's hurting now, more then ever. I feel desperate for a hand to touch my back, a familiar sent, or a childhood friend to play with. I am at a stand still, where I question what I've done worth my time, what have I accomplished worth telling the grandkids? What have I done with my life? Where is it going? All the time I have invested into relationships seem to have slapped me in the face and done nothing for the other person. I feel like the lives I was in, are flourishing now that I am no longer apart of them. I see accomplishments left and right from people but I somehow always have a 'dead end' sign on the roads I try to travel. I want to fall asleep one night this week without crying, but it seems impossible to stay strong. I'm so weak and I need some strength because I feel myself fading into the dark and away from my old careless smiles. I have not been able to stand silence lately, it kills me. I am either writing, listing to music, drawing, thinking out loud, or reading. I need to keep busy because my thoughts will eventually eat me alive. I am at a place where I no longer want to turn to anyone. Unhealthy? I don't want to talk about my "problems" anymore. I want to do something carefree and spontaneous. Every slow song refreshes me and brings out the side of me I want to hide away. I feel like such a mess. A dirty, helpless mess. I am needing God's words to sooth my ears and his speech to be a part of my everyday language. It just gets old riding in the car alone everywhere. Texting people instead of face to face conversations. It is getting really hard to be happy through my emptiness. I just want to be used for a greater purpose. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking how much I care for people, I WANT TO HELP. I want to take care of others, but those I would love to see grow beyond belief don't seem to want to be a part of my life.  I'm tired of just excepting things. Taking things as facts instead of opinions. My thoughts are running loss and my dreams are running into a brick wall. I think I'm just needing to deal with loneliness. I hate admitting it, but I am lonely. 

Tonight I had to go to First Friday to do an art review again, for my Art class, and I asked my sister and her boyfriend if they'd want to come with me. My sister said no, cause they were planning on going to dinner with my parents. My sister said, call someone to go with you though. I was quiet and all I could say was, "I don't have anyone to call." So I went by myself and on the way home I was lost in my thoughts and got myself lost on the road. I drove for a half an hour in the wrong direction. Some might have realized sooner but I was too involved with my thoughts. So instead of laughing with a friend about the fact that we were lost in the middle of no where no I was lonely trying to find my way back home. There was no buildings, no houses, just road. It was dark out and I felt dark inside. It killed to face the fact that the independence I've always wanted, got me to a place where I have no one left to turn to. My family was out enjoying themselves at dinner, and I couldn't think of anyone to call for directions back to my own home. I feel more and more pathetic each day.

I give everything to You Lord.

Prayers would be appreciated. 

US

Embark. I dare you.

My thoughts and my anxieties drift into a tired, worn, beat down me, and I feel like my fist's can't take another punch. I am so out of control and it is so comforting, but I am also scared out of my mind. I take two steps forward and 100 steps back. I eventually have to give into something right? Either my "wants" need to face reality, or my prayers need to be more constant. Maybe I need both. I truly believe that I need to stop focusing on everyone around me, and how it's effecting me, and seriously dig down to the root issues that lye underneath. I need to focus on killing my flesh. I feel convicted in a lot of ways and I need to swallow some truth and look at the reflection in the mirror. I need to dust off myself, from when I fell, and I need to pick up a fresh start.. and really start over. I need to make changes, and I am in the process of making them. I need to not be afraid to stare loneliness in the face and to watch and see that God will take care of me. Everyone was built to have human contact and human intimacy, sometimes I feel like that applies to everyone but me. I need to stop planning my life basing everything on how the next 10 years of my life needs to look like. Or how I want it to look like. I am going through so much, and I feel like my life is in a chaotic uproot and I am stepping in cracks continuously. I feel like I can be easily broken and hurt by people, I feel vulnerable and helpless, pathetic and weak. I am dealing with so much and I am fighting for what God wants. It's just hard to fight, though, when you have no idea what's up ahead.

I give everything to You Lord

Music Heard-Music Loved

Growing up, I'm sure you could think of a hand full of things that you've been hurt by, that you remember in detail, right? Have you ever questioned why you can't find a reliable friend and no one seems to be able to just sit and listen to you? Searching for a friend that can forgive you as fast as you hurt them? Where are these people? 

Some may say, "You will never find a friend like that," while others may say, "I'm still looking for a friend like that." 

My pastor just finished a series called, "Friend-lation-ships," where he encouraged us to be the type of friend we've been looking to have ourselves. That may sound cliche, and, well, it did to me too. BUT! I have the desire to get to the place where I can be the friend to someone which I've always, always, wanted. The type of friend who will stay up late because you just need to talk. The type of friend who will come over and sit with you and not have to say a word. The type of friend whose forgiveness is relentless and my love is heartfelt. The type of friend that keeps your eyes on the Lord but still focuses on improving your situation. The type of friend where I can call you beautiful or handsome and you actually believe me, opposed to everyone else. The type of friend who you seek counsel from, who you can laugh with and cry with, all in the same conversation. I really want to be the type of friend who cares, and cares, and cares, and cares, and cares, and cares for the condition of your heart. Most of all, I want to be the type of friend who reminds you that you are a prince and a princess of The Most High King. 

So, as I walk out my journey to be the friend I've always wanted, I will have to keep pulling strength from God, because no human can fill me enough to demonstrate all of that (above). I will need to be on my knees seeking out to better understand what God feels. I want to be able to feel what God feels, only to the extent where I can help individuals He selects for me. I want to be aware and careful. Understanding and seeking. Fearless but fearful of God. I want to understand the magnitude of what I'm fighting for, this great cause, this great challenge, of dying to self and bringing others to life.  

"A friend is someone who know the song to your heart and sings it to you when you forget the words."

I give everything to You Lord

 Prayer Please

I Was Inspired.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

I don't know why I found this so interesting. But it was a catchy way of describing what our world faces and how some of us aren't willing to just... settle. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Published

Everything is slowly coming unhinged and I can't seem to grasp it. 

I feel my feet stock to the ground as I walk past it. 

I feel my hollow tears drip onto my lap.

I haven't made a sound though I feel like I'm trapped. 

Your elegant words are so catchy at first.

Believe me I almost bought it.

But I stand tall and I conquered because I'm the one who fought it.

No liquor drink can make my worth less valid

I've got support and I've got talent.

I feel this love, one I don't know if you'll ever feel

It rips at your body until all your insides are revealed. 

I'm being dramatic and my emotions are out of control

Said it, come on, I've heard it all before.

Next time don't try to full me, saying you're my "Best friend,"

Learn that you are just another one of those hurtful men.

Now from the outside, it may seem like I'm heartless

But I think you could testify cause your the one who broke it.

I give everything over to you Lord

Define

Oh the old familiar sent of loneliness creeps through the gap beneath my door. I play my music loud so I can't hear myself think. The beat runs through my arms and legs, I can't stop moving.

I give everything over to You Lord 

HOV

I don't understand those people who feel the need to get into the car pool lane when they know the lane is ending up ahead. They creep and shove until they can find a spot about two cars closer then where they were. I don't understand it. But it bugs! 

Patience.

I give everything over to You Lord

& & &

The Most incredible feeling the most exhilarating emotion.

Give yourself something to smile about.

& & &

If there is nothing to smile about?

Cry.

Take a deep breath and drive somewhere alone. 

Cause when there's not another hand to hold

Your stirring wheel will be just fine.

& & &

If there's so excitement in drive away?

Run your heart out.

I give everything over to You Lord

DREAM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

That Explains It

Profile Results

Score	Love Language
5	Words of Affirmation
10	Quality Time
3	Receiving of Gifts
7	Acts of Service
5	Physical Touch

Something About You. The Way You Move.

Your mouth moves but she's still fighting to hear what you are saying. The way your eyebrows raise up and down, she is guessing it signifies fluctuation in your voice.  Could she be right? She still can't understand what you are trying to get across to her. She feel's sorry, but she might be lying because she haven't been feeling much lately. The interact detail of every spoken word scares her to listen, you have the most beautiful sounding voice. She dances around the room in her boy boxers and lays in every grass field she's seen. The bartender knows what her drink needs a little "topping off" and her face reads confusion. Just as you can't understand what I've written, she has yet to understand her life. The birds chirping outside her window give the simplest reminder that she has not completely lost her sanity. Oh poor wear girl, they have no idea. Her heart was spilled out years ago, but somehow the mess was never noticeable enough for anyone to clean up, or to take as their own. So, as the war rages on, and her heart grows even more weary, she believes in herself enough to move mountains. She can accomplish things that average, ordinary,  citizens couldn't do themselves. Yet, she has always been seen as the underdog. Although her two has have helped save more lives than doctors themselves, people threaten her capability. She will never be able to fit into the proper side of society, but she has never shown in interest in the upper class. Her light is shown brightest when she is with the people of her status. Some may call them the underdogs, but she refers to herself as beautiful, because she's realized her attitude determines her circumstance. The dim lights will never see her shining bright, but she would never want to waist her light on someone who wouldn't appreciate it. She's capable. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Madly In Love

Open land, dusted with yellow topped flowers, narrows to an edge of a cliff which some might say, "It will determine your fait." Marveling is expected and curiosity of what roams below the cliff is perfectly natural. It's the same curiosity that has coast several lives, so be cautious of how far your curiosity overtakes you. This same piece of land has seen more camera flashes then the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park put together. Words don't serve it justice, and it's hard to image a place so peaceful while we live in the hustle and bustle of life. 

This land has held more love stories then any of the greatest novels, and not even a bookstore could carry written work so romantic. The flowers are still pressed to the ground where the couples foot steps have left a piece of their story behind. It's woven into the soil of this earth yet people deny the beauty, while challenging their own intelligence against this story. In life, there are just some things that are bound to happen. In this particular situation, not even a human grip could stop the abundance of care for one another. 

Suppose, then, these two marvelous being's were dreadfully torn apart to live separate lives. Will their love grow with time against them? Is it possible to remember the touch and the looks, or is it destiny to prove everyone correct who said "they can't make it?" It is as though the place where the  flowers lay flat, still, from their unforgettable imprints, have more faith then their encounters with created being such as themselves. 

Is it so pleasurable to see them grow weary from the thought of their own story being verbally brutalized? These people, who are designed to fall in love, seem to be stepping back from their previously stationary position, and it makes the others smile. All to easy for these two, who are madly in love with each other, to toss their dreams aside with the casual comments and ordinary small talk. 

They have fought so hard and their scares remain to tell their stories. This love story has out stood the other "fairy tales" in both passion and care. It is a story that will be difficult to pass by, even after the flowers have re-grown into firm standing positions. The love these two have for each other runs continuously through the veins of every human who has encountered such a masterpiece as this. They are in love. 

I give everything over to You Lord

   

 

I caught your eye

I'm learning the difference of being a good influence to people and stepping back when people actually don't have the desire to learn.

I've heard some people say that if you've tried to love people and also show God's grace and they don't receive it, you just have to let them go. Do their own thing, walk their own path. But, I don't completely agree with that statement. I think those are the people us believers should be targeting. We, of course will have to demonstrate patience and be in constant prayer for those people. This is what I've come to personally, but I feel like I need to exude an over abundance of love because I believe that love heals, strengthens, encourages, challenges, and show's a little piece of God's mercy.

This is all really jumbled and quick because I have to lead at youth group, but I wanted to get my thoughts out before I lose what I had been thinking about. Again, there is stuff just being stirred up inside of me. It's a blessing to have commotion and strong emotions, because when I'm dry to feeling, and it seems like I'm not growing, it's harder then when I'm challenged to organize my thoughts into understandable form

I feel very thankful.

I give everything over to You Lord

I've been thinking about changing my mind

Your attitude will determine your circumstance

Every year, on this "holiday" called Valentines day, I cry and shrug off all the happy couples. But, I'm learning your attitude determines your circumstance. I am also learning not to be jealous of those around me and to be genuinely happy for those around me. Being happy for people who have a healthy relationship, those who make a lot of money from hard work, those who loss weight faster then me, those who have a flourishing social life, those who are more artistic then me, those who can dance better then I could ever dance, and those who know more about then Bible then me. I am so happy for those people, and for the first time I'm starting to say that more and actually mean it. It comes straight from my heart. I am reading The Love Dare book and I never realized how I don't love people and how I'm a very jealous person. It is hard to admit and I've had to swallow a few pride pills, but, I am working at it slowly. I don't need to wait to feel loved I need to love first. I don't need to show people up I just need to be happy with where I stand and be happy about where they stand. I need initiate good conversation first to be involved with good company. I need to start things and not wait around until someone picks up where I'm slacking. I am starting a change. Slowly. 

I give everything over to you Lord

Comfortable.In.My.Own.Skin.

It started a few months ago, December actually, when I started becoming unsure about so many things. Having questions I've never thought of and wanting answers to questions I was never curious about. I used to think I was bullet proof and the unlikely girl to be loved. I never thought I was able to keep my room clean with no clothes on the floor and I never thought I'd own a book shelf. Now, I still don't have the questions answered, but I've dared to ask them. I understand that I'm not bullet proof to the harsh words and flat out rejection from people, yet, I feel more loved then ever. My room is clean and actually stays clean. For the first time I have books on my book shelf. Interesting what you go through. Interesting to see the outcome, and even more intriguing to know where you'll end up. Where will I end up!

I give everything over to You Lord

Formation

Translation.

PLEASE

I give everything over to You Lord

Out Of My Hands

So, I had my 5 year plan charted and ready to be lived out. But I set myself up for a perfect collision of Gods plan. So I set my heart on the goal of completing my degree in Graphic Design. I scheduled an appointment with the ASU advisor and went in knowing full well what my plans were. Obviously I was to confident but lacked the knowledge of what was actually ahead of me. "Hi, I'm Barbara!" "Nice to meet you, I'm Sheena!" "Awesome, well come on back and we'll start talking." So I gave her a brief run down of my "5 year plan" and was quickly stopped in my tracks when I heard the logistics that applied to my dreams. Things I had dreamt almost into reality. She smiled as if I was planning my whimsical dreams in another planet. Barbara, sweet old women, broke the news to me that the Graphic Design program at ASU is a very hard program to get into and few actually go on to the professional level. It is a 4 year program even though I have already spent 2 years at SCC, it doesn't matter. So after the first year, there is a milestone test and check up on everything you've done, that's when they decide if they want you to move forward to complete your other 3 years, or to drop you on the curb. She said, "I don't know if it's worth spending a year trying so hard, when the result can end in waisted time." I agreed, I know there is a lot of talented artist who would succeed far beyond what I could accomplish. I am not having a pity party, I just know that there is something different for me. I sat through the rest of the meeting almost on the verge of tears the whole time. My 5 year plan and my every dream had suddenly wilted within 5 minutes of time. I was slightly disappointed, mainly discouraged, and extremely sad. Now, the flip side is to continue on my path of trying to get my degree in Graphic Design and see where it leads me. But, to be honest, the dream has died and I think there is something different for me. More suitable and more manageable. So, Barbara and I began looking at different options that would suit my desires. Working with computers, something having to do with art, and being able to work with audio things as well as the visual. Out of nowhere she asked if I like writing. I was taken back and didn't answer right at first, but as I thought about it for a minute my face lit up and I responded by saying, "Yes, actually I do!" She found this degree that's a "Multimedia writing and technology program." I read over the description and it actually sounded very interesting and it also incorporated everything I wanted to work with, exactly. So, I will be meeting with her again on Wednesday to discus about transferring. I'm scared because it's going to be a new school. Not the ASU Tempe campus, but actually the campus in Mesa. I am so very nervous and feeling challenged and unsure, just about everything. God has a different road that I have yet to dream up, and I'm willing to walk it out because I know the support I have walking with me. I am so scared. I am so scared. I am so scared. 

I give everything over to You Lord

These Cracks Shatter

" This Hungry Heart Will Not Subside 

I'm Staying I'm Leaving

I Won't Be Deceived "

I give everything over to You Lord

I'm Finding A Way To Tell You

Romance kicks the heart of us youth and we are forced to ask if this is real. Our thoughts our clouded with the voices of our "supporters" which makes the future hard to see. The keeper's of our soul seem to be the only one's who can understand, the only ones who can touch us and our world seems to slow to a beautiful breath taking experience. We've waited for this day, we've sought after our own memories with our own true loves, and yet we are suppressed with the thought that we still can not handle our own life. There is humor in watching them fight for our future when they have no control. It's the deep breaths and slow steps that has brought us to this place of restless questions and meaningful smiles. Our elegance seems to hold fast to our life and people still have the desire to say, "We don't trust you." There is impossibilities with actually knowing the date and time of our completion, our fairy tale.  Never the less, it's as if we're children learning once again how to try a bow with our shoe laces. Yet, we succeeded and it may not be easier to tie a knot, but success is all we truly know. See, we understand that there is battles that will be fought and love that will be given, but we have never asked for the easy way out.  We simply wanted to fight for what we knew-- for what we know we were made for. The brisk air may hit our face's faster then we expected and we me collide with reality harder then we thought, but this time, someone is holding our hand to the finish line. It's for our laugh, smile, kiss, breath, voice, timing, beauty, hands, words, caring, movement, whispers, eyes, and our love. I wouldn't give credit to them fully, for this excitement, but then again, I would.

I give everything over to You Lord

Fresh Beginning

I've face planted on this journey and have been forced to realize how captivating these few foot steps have been. This audible, scarcely seen adventure is now turning heads with its wonder. The shock value has yet to wear off and memories are endless. Umbrella's have shaded our face to long, we are destined for greatness but we need to see the light.  Surely we are remarkable beings on a pathway all our own, but there is room for two here on my road. I've kicked rocks and picked flowers along this naive voyage but I'm unsatisfied with the results. See I long to turn over boulders  with my hands and plant seeds where water is lacking, because if there is fruit from my labor I know it will be genuine. I've sought after an expedition, one involving battles won and lives changed, instead I've be hit with a bigger excursion than my imagination has marveled. I've dreamed the dreams and pictured the future, but I'm still confused, and unable to comprehend this masterpiece. Verbalizing has always been a challenge and emotions were kept in a lock box, I don't know when my life changed and I slipped my secrets to the world. My emotions have caught my sleeve and they hold on for dear life. I'm not who I used to be, and I'm not who you want me to be, but I'm still on this trip of finding who I'm supposed to be. Steady heart beats are what keep me longing for a new day, with new opportunities. I've been handed the choice to be the "disobedient child" and the idea has floated around in my head, but it stopped when I woke up and my feet left my bed. I watch the family gather around the television and I slip quietly back into my bedroom, where I have conquered my most trying moments.  This crossing in my life is only a step into what I've been destined for, all along. I yawn in the sight of fear and I couldn't ask for a better passage. 

I give everything over to You Lord

What's Right?

When is it expectable to be angry? When is it right to be hurt and to verbalize it? When do you forgive someone who hurt you for year without recognizing that they're done anything? It's wrong to never forgive, right? But, is it wrong to not want to forgive right away, because then it might not be forgiveness at all? Is it right to be hurt and not want to open up? Is talking about every hurt a way of swallowing your pride? Is God saying it's time to forgive, getting reminded so sweetly, or is it just another accident?

I give everything over to you Lord 

How Great Is Our God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_82lZ2PpYQE&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwrFILPaFWQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuF629DW9kI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUCJ0HHMSbY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUCJ0HHMSbY

Please take time to watch these videos- in order. Copy and paste the link's into a new wed window. This was a turn around in the way I thought and I got a better understanding of how GREAT our God truly is. I serve, and I hope you serve, the God that Louie Giglio is talking about. Wow! We are blessed beyond belief. 

I give everything over to you Lord

The Out Doors Makes Me Smile

Went on a bike ride.

Went to breakfast with my two neighbor boys.

Make chocolate covered strawberries.

Took a shower. 

Blog.

Sleep.

I give everything over to You Lord

When Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops

I feel like I've been more reserved and cooped up in my room lately. I feel like I don't really fit in with my family anymore, and my friends category is lacking. I've been more closed off and feel, oddly enough, vulnerable. It's almost like I'm the odd ball out. My sister has her boyfriend and they are always working through things, which, leaves no time to hang out together. I feel like my sister changed so much, which is understandable, but I just don't click as well with her. I feel like she is always harping at me for some reason and I'm just not good enough. I made a ring the other day and put it on to show her. Without skipping a beat she said, "That doesn't fit you, it looks to big, oh and it really doesn't go with all the silver jewelry you wear." So, I left the room, with no complement and lacking the desire to show her anything else I made. I walked in her room just tonight and she said, "Sheena what are you going to do with your life, after you graduate." I said, "I don't know, hopefully start my own business with graphic design." She again didn't hesitate to say what she felt. "What? Why? Your not going to make any money coming straight out of college like that." So another dream of mine shot down by the built of my sisters mouth. It's hard to dream when you feel like you don't amount to much. My parents, well, my dad has work and even if he didn't I wouldn't want to hang out with him. My mom? Well, she's busy walking the dogs, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and somehow finds time to make it to the gym. It's like everyone has their own schedule and I just don't fit into it. I have asked Luke and Rae to hang out, but now that school is starting up again, they really don't have much free time. If they do, they usually want to spend it together, not with me. Maybe I feel this way because I haven't started back in school, so I feel like I don't have a place. My sketch book, my blog, my camera, my computer, well, they are wonderful, but they can only entertain me so long until I crave a human relationship. I was told by a friend that we would hang out this weekend, and that they'd call me. Well, both nights I never got a phone call. Which is fine, I understand that they lead their own life, I just don't understand why it doesn't effect me as much as it used to. I wouldn't say that I've lost hope in people, because I still have hope, I am just slightly used to disappointment. (I don't mean that in a "Oh life is just SO HARD" way. Please hear my heart on this.) I have a passion for people and care so deeply about my close friends, that it hurts when they don't have a desire to be around me anymore. Sure I can blame it on a busy schedule and the stresses of life, but to be honest, it is always going to be that way. I care so much about people, and so deeply, that I feel like people don't understand the desire I have to hear their hearts on issues. I'm not saying that in a prideful way, but I feel worth from people talking to me about their life and just being open with me. I don't really know if that's a bad thing or not. Maybe I used the wrong word, not worth, but I feel valued by others when they make time to talk. That's natural right? I feel like these past two blogs have been sort of a buzz kill, but these things have really been on my mind. I guess I'll see how I feel after I start school and get a normal schedule together. Maybe I'll find a place where I fit, even if I don't get a call from friends to hang out, I can bury my thoughts in school. 

I give everything over to You Lord

Daddy Knows Best

By the time I have reached my own blog, to write, I have checked up and read 18 other blogs. Where by, I have almost lost all interest in writing and feel more emotionally drained then before I started my daily blog and tumblr check ups. Now, the average person might say, "Don't read 18 other blogs and tumblr's if you feel so drained and tired." Smart idea, but, although draining and sometimes over whelming it is also a source of inspiration to me where I can learn how other "non professional" writer... write! It is a bonus that I can actually learn more about people that are close to me.  So, now, reaching my own blog to write my thoughts down, I marveled at how many girls are writing about their fathers. Unfortunately, not in a positive way but more in a way that they would never be able to look their dad's in the eye's and say what they actually felt. It is sad and disappointing to think that there is really no more "Daddies little girls" left in this world over the age of 5. Not only are these girls able to write about their feelings but they actual understand the roll their dad SHOULD be playing in their lives. 

I've talked to a girl who said, "I just thought it was the usual dad trying to connect to the daughter thing, I was raised this way. Not to open up to each other." 

Or how about another brilliant and beautiful girl who wrote, "Ohh and I bet you take pride in your family. Pride in your “work ethic” You are pathetic. Your power-trips are almost worth hysteria. You are the heaviest thing I have ever had to carry. Your voice raises my blood pressure." 

Even a 13 year old girl said, "My dad thinks he knows best but he's just a jerk to my mom and he's always grumpy. He even got annoyed because I was climbing a tree the other day." 

Now, how about this girl who said, "I sometimes forget all about him, but then there is the times when i need him & i wonder why my father is such a nut job, & why things dont register in his mind like they should.  i needed his help. get it together. pick up the pieces. put your wife’s heart back together. fix your relationships with your children." 

And something I wrote back in November saying, "Who do I share my life with, other than the four walls that make up my room? Who will feel that weight of my tears, as my pillow has for years? I no longer need that "man" they call "dad." No! I'm growing out of his chains of captivity. I am set free. Please, understand, that I still have the blood dripping, tear jerking, heart breaking feelings, scares, wounds, scabs, bruises, and cuts that were cause by this man... boy." 

That is how these fathers are effecting their daughters. I guess it can be the us girls fault though, lacking experience in life and maybe we are hormonal and just don't quite understand what we are feeling. But, on the flip side, just from those small clips of writings I would say that if anyone looks us girls in the eyes and says we do NOT understand what we are feeling, I believe that those people just simply don't understand it themselves. See, we are not ignorant and think that our daddies should be perfect, no it's quite the opposite. We are solely looking for a father that is willing to try their hardest to work for a relationship with us. To not get mad at us for feeling angry towards them, but to sit back and let us feel our feelings and actually see our fathers put forth effort to heal these wounds. To many times though, I have watched fathers sitting in front of the TV instead of their Bible. Us girls, well, we know very well that when things aren't right at the house, it's because things aren't right with daddy and God. Cause you can toss the dice how you will, and play the chance card, but you will never have a stable house if it is not founded on a soled foundation of God's love, God's grace, His word, forgiveness, mercy, strength, and power. Maybe I haven't seen walls of a house crash to the ground, but I have seen mothers and daughters and sons spirits buried alive because of the pain of the "Man of the house," if that's what they call him.  I have prayed multiple times that I will not hold my pain against my dad, I want forgiveness therefor I want should first demon-straight forgiveness. Believe me, I say it like I've been trying, but to be honest I have no motivation because I see no worth in it. I have also prayed that any man I start a relationship with will not bear my pain I have felt from my dad because I don't want to drag an innocent by stander down with me. So I can continue to write down things I have been feeling about dad's but I think the point is understood, so I remind  myself once again that, "Daddy on earth is not as good as Daddy in Heaven."

I give everything over to You Lord

I've Been More Me Lately

So, since I've been on break, I've gotten more CREATIVE. It's been nice to just sit and sctech or sit and write or simply just SIT!

I actually had time to paint a bookshelf and add a little artistic flair to it! I put news papers on the shelves and put a glossy finish on top. So now I can set things on it without the news paper getting ruined! It turned out good!

And... Now, I am working on a wooden board for a friend (Bobby), that is covered with pictures I've done of graffiti. I painted the edges black and glossed the top and sides.

It's awesome!

I've been busy, but I've been having fun! I'll be back in the riga-ma-roo Tuesday. Darn!

I give everything over to You Lord

Old time friend

Scott Macintyre, a long time homeschooling friend auditioned for American Idol this week and sure enough got through additions. Even Simon, the "tough guy" liked him and said, "Your a cool guy!" Interesting to see the people you grew up with accomplishing great things. I mean, seriously, at the age of eleven, Scott, the pianist, keyboardist and composer is brought to life in his album SEEING through SOUND. His first album at the age of eleven? He has been only moving up in life, finishing college at the age of nineteen and composing even more music! I guess I will be watching American Idol this time around!! Let's see Scott work what he's got! 

I give everything over to you Lord

"QUOTATIONS"

"I'M NOT EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE, BUT I AM DEFINITELY NOT WHERE I USED TO BE"

I give everything over to You Lord

Reminder

... Let me give you the background story first! 

My cousin was out here, in Arizona, for thanksgiving. Well I was messing around with his phone and I went to his e-mail and saw that he got sent to him Bible verses every morning! So I asked how to sign up, and now my phone, at 5:00 O'clock AM, my phone vibrates with a new Bible verse. 

... SO! 

The point of that is this morning, I got my ritual Bible verse, and sure enough it was about LOVE. 1 John 4:8- "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." It was a wonderful to be woken up by! Actually, yesterday night at Youth Group I gave an encouraging word to the youth for a few minutes about love, God's perfect love, and I feel like I just got a reminder this morning, that He is so good to me. I'm blessed.

I give everything over to You Lord

PERFECT LOVE

Love has been on my heart, and I have been having a beautiful collision with the truth about love. I googled verses on love with curiosity of what might come up. So I scanned the first few sites and it really shed light in a different way then I am used to, on the subject of love.  I first read the verse 1 Corinthians 13:5 - ("It" is referring to love) - "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS." I've read that verse before and it just didn't affect me as much as now, although that may sound bad. But, I read on, in a different web site. The next verse I read was 1 peter 4:8 which say's- "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." So I thought to myself, "Does this mean my love can cover sins? Maybe not necessarily wipe sins away, but just cover the 'wrong doing' or whatever it might be." Then I was praying and just sitting quietly in my room, listen to Brandon Heath's- "Love never fails" and I thought to put God in replace of love. So I did- "Because GOD covers a multitude of sins." Right? God is the only One who can demonstrate perfect love, and I feel like when the verse reads love, it refers to PERFECT LOVE. God's perfect perfect love. The same love that people crave for but instead turn to drinking, drugs, sex, work, and boyfriends/girlfriends. It's sad, and I am one of those people, but God is so good to still love us with His perfect love. So I am still on the journey of what God want's to teach me about love. Possibly demonstrating love better, or, learning what love looks like in my life, it can even be that I haven't fully let God's perfect love overflow and intrude my life in a beautiful way. I'm excited and nervous and I will probably be challenge to love more, but I have a desire to love with a true authenticity. I will challenge you as well, to love people this week with a conscious decision to see lives changed. I believe full heartedly that love can change lives. A perfect example is God sending His son to die on the cross for us out of pure LOVE for His children. 

I give EVERYTHING over to You Lord

Something Important

Here are some photos I just took! Allison is amazing. And, I was just able to capture her beauty to the slightest degree. To see more, to go my photo Blog- 

http://photo-proof08.blogspot.com/

I give everything over to You Lord

Perfect Title

Every time I write.

Every time someone reads me what they write.

Every time I read what someone else wrote.

I feel like it's one of the strongest forms of affection. 

Writing is so personal, so intimate, and often life changing. It has great significance and high value in my eyes. Writing for me, is like a bandage for open wounds, an escape door from life, and a time capsule that reminds you of your past footsteps.  It helps me leave things behind, but it also helps me gout down my newly found thoughts. It's invigorating and challenging to write what you feel, to put into words small descriptions of situations where you, for a second, feel as if you were me. Sometimes the smallest phrases stay lingering in your mind, and it's true, when you write, the smallest things count. It is exciting to find unique way's to add texture and color to words, by combining the oddest combinations of sounds and meanings. To me, that is beautiful. Writing helps you remember, and writing helps you forget. Writing let's you be you.  Spontaneous or suicidal, writing will capture life perfectly while tying it together with a perfect title. Writing is romantic and it can real you in, until you are totally submerged in the journey of words. Writing is breathtaking and knows me well, it's brought me down into a swirling mess but it has lifted me high past the earths crest. Writing. 

I give everything over to You Lord